Growing Pains of a New Blogger - 2018

***I thought I'd end my blogging year with the way I started it -- with a long ass post. *** 

My experiences for 2018 do not run in a nice little linear path:  my written words intertwine with friendships old and new, twist with redefined familial relationships, and run alongside a renewed discovery of self.

I have met some terrific people this year here, first on your blogs and then on mine.  I appreciate all the bloggers and readers who have taken the time to read and/or reach out to me.  That is all I ever hoped for as a newbie.  I love  the engaging aspect of the comment sections because it feels kind of like mini conversations.  I learn from you all.  I look forward to getting to know you better through our blogs and whatever else comes our way.

What surprised me the most is the people here.  I expected to write and remain completely anonymous on the blog and behind it with EVERYONE.  Boy, did that turn out differently than anything I could have ever imagined!   Because of my naivety, when Meredith suggested the picture exchange behind the blog, I pretty much went into spontaneous labor and that's saying a lot because I was not pregnant!  Gah!  She managed to back track pretty quickly and as she reassured me of my safety, I got a hold of myself and figured if I let myself be skittish with Meredith that I would never do more than dip my toes into blog land here and there.  We all know how that turned out, and how Meredith got me hook, line, and sinker!  That was a very fun and exciting time and I don't regret a second of any of it!

Throughout the mechanics of online friendship making and blogging this year,  I have shared intimate details about my husband and me that we have never before told anyone.  We have matured into a steadier ttwd couple which continues to enhance our marriage.  On the flip side of the 2018 coin of friendship,  I wouldn't say I lost any friends, but since trust to me is paramount in every relationship that truly means anything, it is safe to say that I don't maintain even the most casual relationships without it, online or otherwise.  That's how I "met" PK, during a scare that almost had me hanging up my blogging hat and Storm was right there with me in agreement!  Twelve years of blogging experience gave her the wisdom, kindness, and reassurance that I needed to hear as she hung onto one of my legs and Meredith had a death grip on the other one.  They double teamed me.  Laughing!  Soon after, PK almost immediately started bossing me around with my writing, I laughed, but listened and responded to her push.  A lovely new friendship has been happily on its way between us ever since.

I believe when a woman surrounds herself with very close friends that it makes her a better friend overall.   I also believe when we have friends with healthy marriages, it makes us better wives to our husbands.  Friends are good for our self esteem, they point out our strengths, and they even gently redirect us when our thinking or behavior goes a little awry.  We lift and hold each other high as worthy women to be loved by others and to remind us to love ourselves.

I don't know how all of you arrived here, but new bloggers like Nora Jean and I have benefited from the  careful webbing from one ttwd blog to another.  We found one another not long after my launching and it was helpful to be new together.  Obviously, we felt our connection right away and got comfortable with one another fairly quick.  It was sometimes overwhelming to us as we found ourselves trying to guess what blog etiquette was, what could we really share on our blogs, and what we were scared of and intimidated by. (And, no, we're not telling!)  It was wonderful to share that with one another and take small steps together in our attempts to write our blogs, be honest, and remain true to ourselves.  We'd be on the look out for one another's new posts where we had confided in one another ahead of time that we felt we were about to take some sort of risk because we never read one another's drafts.  We would wonder, "Where does this post fit?  Vaniila? French Vanilla? Or is it the Rocky Road  territory and do we want to go there?"   Most of the time this ended in a ton of laughter!  There are blogs out there that I want to read, but sometimes they scare me.  <<grin>>  NJ is not easily spooked so if she sees a questionable post before I do, she gives me what we call "The Canadian Service Announcement Rocky Road Alert, eh?"   She's been a great partner in crime here in blog land and a true blue friend who is very much worth her salt behind the blog as well.

If I am talking about my blogging experiences for 2018, then of course I am going to talk about the influence that Meredith has had on me first as a reader and then an e-mailer that she quickly converted into a blogger.  But, what we were doing in the midst of all of that was becoming wonderful friends.  She has been the single most positive influence on my writing.  She is wrapped up very tightly within the twists and turns of my redefining some things in my life and the new growth that I mentioned in the first paragraph of this post .  Yes, she alone is privy to my experiments in writing that have nothing to do with ttwd, but have everything to do with me as an individual who is expanding her horizons, reaching beyond the fear, being humble enough to admit what I do not know, and identifying the areas of my life that need enrichment.  Meredith has either been the source or has generously shared her resources with me because I asked and I am genuinely interested because her life experience differs so much from mine.  I so appreciate that she lets me be me.  When I am Very Serious Contemplative Windy, she responds with the sincerity and determination to offer experience and guidance as she listens to me even though it is probably much more entertaining and easier to have dialogue with Every Day Windy and Let's Just Have Fun With This Windy. I have found that it is rare to find a friend who gives you the space you need to grow and sticks with you through it even when it's difficult.  She has helped me immensely through my growing pains of 2018.

Do you think it is possible to have a growth spurt when you're already past middle age? Ever feel things so immensely that it physically hurts?  Did you know that sometimes when a person makes positive changes in her life that not everybody views it is positive?

Some changes  .......

save your life

save your sanity

seem small to me but huge to others

seem huge to me but insignificant to others

I have barely made it through 

 are way behind me

 are permanently part of me now

are a renovation of my soul.


Some changes I have yet to make and I have some difficult work to do, but that's what 2019 is for.  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being an important part of my blogging experience and of my life in 2018.  -- Windy

When your HOH hurts your feelings

The nature of our ttwd relationship is that I get in trouble for things that I say, my tone, and my attitude.  I am in the hot seat (or I will be) because of a couple of things I said within a charged atmosphere last night. 

I failed to take into account that Storm was exhausted after working the first half of the day and then spending until almost 8 o'clock at night on a very important family errand.   He was not having much luck and had to run from place to place until he finally accomplished what he needed to do.  He was starving by the time he got home.  We had dinner together and I tried to give him a quick run down of what has happened with our government all day -- BLAH -- and then we settled in to watch our favorite news anchor work her magic and enlighten us.  Afterwards, boy, was I ready to discuss!  He wasn't.  I was upset.  He was worn out.

I get my feelings hurt when Storm doesn't respond to something that I am trying to share with him that I feel is important.  It seems to me that unless I say those exact words and point it out to him, he sometimes misses it.  This frustrates me.  As a result, it isn't what Storm says that upsets me -- that has hardly ever happened within our marriage.  It's what he doesn't say that hurts my feelings.  It makes me feel unimportant and small.  So I got angry.  And now I am in trouble, but it isn't for the anger...... it is for the manner in which I expressed it.  Ugh.

We did go to bed on good terms because we talked it out, but it was dicey for a while.  Storm came to me again this morning to discuss my feelings and to apologize for his lack of responding due to his frustration and fatigue.  He said he understands why I was upset.  Then I asked him if I was in trouble for anything and he said yes ...... I was kind of surprised, but kind of not, I guess.

I had expressed to him the night before that it puzzles me that I get spanked when I screw up, but when he makes mistakes, he simply apologizes.  Sometimes I do stop and think, "Why do I want this?"  He reminded me that this is what we had agreed upon.  He was making sure I was still with him on all this.  I told him that I am because the purpose of our ttwd is to help me be more respectful to him, to help me with some calming down of my emotions, and to bring us closer ...... and I still want all of those things whether the spanking is first, last, or somewhere in the middle of us trying to successfully make our way down the road to all good things with ttwd.

What Calms You?

Despite the dark and intense background theme here on my blog, it is actually the gentle side of Mother Nature that calms me.

I enjoy taking walks in the rain as long as I am sporting my rain gear so that I can stay mostly dry. (And, yes, I LOVE to fish in the rain -- need you even wonder?!)  I don't desire to be a wet rat, but I don't mind being a slightly wet dog that can shake herself dry in the mudroom upon returning home after her brisk walk.

In the super funky decade of the 1970's, I remember several family vacations right at the moment where we pulled into the KOA.  Why those in charge used a K for Campgrounds of America, I didn't know or care.  My top concern was did they have an in-ground pool or would we swim at the beach? ( I was rooting for the pool because of the whole sand-in-the-crotch of the bathing suit thing. Blah!)  After hours of driving, I couldn't wait for the sound of the slow quiet roll of the white gravel road beneath our big blue van tires and hitched camper.  That crunchy pop!.... pop!.....pop! meant we would soon pull into our numbered camping spot as I could then get out of the vehicle, shed the last remnants of carsickness, run around and meet our fellow campers, and find out what states they were from. We'd "help" our parents with the transformation of the pop up camper as it changed from a rectangular form to more of an isosceles trapezoid shaped insect trying to spread its wings.  Although my mother kept it so clean we could practically lick the floors if we wanted to, it still had that hot plastic smell and that unique scent of heavy canvas.  Wow, isn't it amazing what memories the senses can trigger?

Being very careful lest we bang our knees on that stupid trailer hitch that hurt like the devil, we'd carefully walk around it as we disengaged our bikes from the rack on the van.  Leg muscles burning, we had to pedal harder yet ride slower on that gravel, but we could skid a lot and for kids, that was awesome.  The loose rock fragments under our feet had more of a wobbly feel when we would wear our flip flops to and from the community showers.  I can still smell the air 45 years later  --  a mixture of dirt, grass, and the sharp metallic bite of well water that pinched my nose as the cool morning air crept up my bathrobe that I had bundled myself in just before the early morning walk to wash and brush my teeth.

Back home, when my dad was wearing his uniform after work, he smelled like diesel fuel, a fact that I am sure Mother Nature did not appreciate in the least. I wanted to talk to him anyway and I would sometimes crawl on his lap despite the smell because I loved him and he loved me, too.  Besides, I probably smelled like little kid sweat, but he never complained either.

Decades later, when I am at the creek, I love to watch the rapids and yes, I am looking for fish, but that is not my point.  I love the sound of the rushing water as it swirls, plops, and licks at the rocks.  But, my favorite sound of all is the steady rhythm of the current.  The constant kkkhhhhhhwwwrrrrrrrrr  is as comforting as sitting on my dad's lap way back when. I stand in the current, and as the water rushes around  and away from me downstream, it gently calls me to give up my burdens.  Wordlessly, I accept its invitation and watch as the current goes on its natural way....... and somehow I feel a bit lighter.

I am at a place in my life where I can just sit here in my writing spot at home, think about being at the creek, and I find myself taking these deep calming breaths without consciously doing it.  This must  be my body's natural response to one of Mother Nature's gifts and I couldn't be more at peace with this.  It calms me.  What calms you?

Taking TTWD Outside of Us

For Storm and me, all the components of our relationship are on the ttwd table.  This includes our communication, our roles of dominant husband and submissive wife, spanking, and all the ins and outs of our sex life, pun intended.  However, I am hesitant about inviting in certain issues that are outside of us.  Specifically, I absolutely do not want to be corrected in my role as a parent and this really wasn't an issue during the formative years of our children's development as Storm and I tackled things together.   However, as some of you probably know, being the parents of adult children brings a whole different set of rewards and challenges.  So we're kind of inviting ttwd into that realm.......

There is a lot of listening involved in parenting:  detailed stories, feelings, emotions, and impossible-to-make decisions such as the blue dress or the whatever dress.  Me: PANTS!  There is also the retelling of the things that every single character of The Office has said and although they are quite good impressions, I hate Michael Scott, especially at 2 in the morning. The more serious discussions often do not take place during the day when I am most alert and available for all things Mom. Somehow, things light up right when I am ready to go to bed.  Let's start a controversial phone call or painful discussion after midnight, please, yes, I love that.  NOT!   Storm is asleep already, as he should be, but he misses a lot of the tumultuous times that just exhaust me.

I need to keep a level head as a mom and as a daughter myself.  While I do for the most part or it starts off that way, emotions and frustration run high, and the stress of not saying everything at the perfect level (and, yes, I am expected to) are often difficult.  Storm knows how to soothe me and calm me without involving our ttwd dynamic, but I am finding that it's creeping in.  And I want it to.

I love when he comes to me and puts his hand on the back of my neck, reminds me to drink water, and to eat because I forget these things.  Don't worry, I make up for it later with ice cream. He also approaches me and puts his hands on both of my shoulders so that I have to look at him and listen to him.  I need this.  I love that he does this on his own and I did not ask him to.  More often now, I see him take charge, stand his ground,  and follow through.  I cannot explain why this makes me respect him more, but it does.  I also cannot explain why this turns me on, but it so does!

Basically what this boils down to is that I privately tell him when I am getting stressed with other family members.  Throughout the day, he will encourage me, be physical with me as in hold me, grab me when I walk by, and just guide me with his kind words specifically in my roles as a mom and daughter and I am now comfortable with it.  That's what I mean by taking it outside of us...........

What does "taking it outside of us" mean to you?

Out the Back Door

Stale bread, burned bagels, leftover tortilla shells, and Christmas lights.  What do these things have in common?  You can probably guess the first three, but the fourth item?  I will help you out by telling you that these are all things that I have thrown out my back door for the birds!

The Christmas light incident happened because I am in charge of putting the tree together every year after Storm brings it up in 3 big pieces from the basement.  (I'm allergic to the dust, but I am more allergic to pine trees, so we do the whole fake thing....  trees, not you-know! )   I straighten out all the malleable branches and make it look fairly symmetrical........ and then it is also my job to put on the lights.

If you've never put a fake tree together, I will tell you it's like having exactly 7 dusty cats living in there and every time I reach in to straighten a poky branch, my entire arm is their new scratching post.  Each time I retrieve it, I find it covered in itchy red stripes. (My tools of the trade are my asthma inhaler, wearing long sleeves, and keeping our home extra catless.)    Having done this for almost 30 years now, I know to plug in all the lights first, keep them plugged into one another as I wrap round about and in and out.  I did a great job this one particular year, some are better than others, what can I say?  Our daughter has always been in charge of putting on all the ornaments after the lights are in place. Interestingly, she unplugs all the tree lights as she is adorning it with ornaments and truly does a near professional job of placement.  When she is all done, she turns the lights back on and WOW -- we have a beautiful tree!  Oh, Storm does put the angel on top at the end..... he shoves that last need-my-man-to-reach tree branch up her rear and we're all ready for Jesus and Santa!  (Santa brings the gifts, and we sing Away in a Manger and sit around and wonder what frankincense and myrrh are exactly and what a baby would want with those particular things anyway. Maybe they were more for Mary and she used them to make some sort of biblical bath bomb. Who knew the mother of Jesus was into essential oils?  She deserved a nice long hot bath after her long trip!)

Well, on the day after the tree received all of our time and attention, a big section of the lights went OUT.  I had to carefully unwind that large part, being careful not to knock off the specially placed ornaments.  I was so angry that when I finally got them all off, I rolled them up into one giant Cobble's Knot, opened the back door to reveal the cold white ground of winter and flung them out into the yard!  I left them there until things thawed in the spring!

The taco shells are the white flour ones...... those are the most fun to throw out from the back porch.  It is somewhat like throwing a paper plate like a Frisbee, but not those really cheap plates where you have to pile on 3 of them to make them stronger so you may as well have bought the more durable ones in the first place. Tossing these is hilarious fun for me.  I think we had about 8 left over.   Wow, can you zing those things pretty far!  It's almost better than skipping rocks at the lake or creek .....almost.   It is a little stress reliever being able to zing 8 "Screw-its" in 1 minute's time.  Ahh!.  Screw it, screw that, screw this, screw you (not you, dear readers/bloggers), screw her, screw him, screw me.  (I know that is only 7, but I ran out of screws.)

There are times when I have wanted to throw my laptop out the backdoor.  Windy, are you a violent person?   Are there holes in your walls at home?  No and No.  I just get irritated easily.  By the internet, by the internet speed, etc.  Me, "IS ANYONE ELSE HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING PAGES TO LOAD?"  Or, "Storm can you please come help me?"  He better not ask me if I rebooted because I know that already after 800 years........ Did you reboot?  Grrrrrrr.   And then when websites take too long because it is their internet connection and not mine........ UGH !!!!!   I won't ever throw a working device out the back door, but if one breaks down completely, so help me I am totally taking a hammer to it.  But, first I will let our pet cockatiel  painfully pluck out all the keys one at a time like he wants to do every time he gets near my keyboard anyway.  And, yes, he has done it before to Storm's laptop and that made it funny because it wasn't mine.

I am sure there are times when Storm has wanted to throw ME out the back door.  But, because of the ttwd, he just has to make me bend over and pay for whatever I said instead.

How about you, ever thrown something or someone out the door?  Ever want to?

Taking it all In

I experienced a couple of particular events this summer and fall where I could have taken a negative view of what I was seeing and criticized others for lack of talent or mistakes they made that were obvious, but things just hit me in a completely different way.  I realized that no way in heck would I get up on a stage and even attempt what they were doing in front of a crowd, some for the first time in their lives.  The level of talent went from very high to very low and those things don't often mix, but the general attitude of the people and the place couldn't have been more positive and genuinely heartfelt.  So I sat there as a community member and practiced the new technique of mindfulness without really realizing it.  I enjoyed the people for who they were and the effort they were putting forth.  The people in the audience weren't high brow either...... like some of them would be if we went to see something in the big city.  Who cares?  This was about the more gifted helping and performing right alongside the less gifted and the-not-found-their-gift-yet type of people.  We see this in schools with sharp and compassionate teachers and their eager students.  We see it at home with loving parents and their excited children.  But, we don't see it in the community.  We don't see the very young, the young, the aging, the well aged, and all the in-betweeners coming together as one to share life experiences on a meaningful level.  There was no sense of competition.  I witnessed camaraderie and pure joy from one to another.  It was a celebration of the human spirit.

Life is a lot of "trying to keep up."  We're always comparing ourselves and seeing how we measure up, when we just need to simply enjoy one another at whatever level we're presently living.

What I think He Thinks

I, not Storm, wrote all of the following.  I was inspired to do this because I thought  if we gals would just slow down sometimes and see ourselves through our husband's eyes, we'd sure give ourselves a lot more credit and feel very feminine or sexy more often than we do, even when we're not trying.

Him:  I am just an ordinary, work your butt off type guy.  I love my wife so much.  I'm often dog tired at the end of my work day, but I do try to help around the house so that my wife doesn't have to do every domestic thing on the face of the earth..... well, in our house and in our yard.    I am quite satisfied with my wife and the attention she gives me in the bedroom.  I struggle with sharing my emotions and feelings, but this does not mean that I don't experience them and it doesn't mean that I am embarrassed to share them with her.  I'm not.  As a man, I know how to listen to her concerns and I honestly try to work on things that need improvement from my end of the marriage.  My wife seems to want something more, but I can't always figure out what that is.  And even if she spells it out in plain English for me, there are just some concepts that I cannot wrap my head around. What seems to go through a woman's brain in any one given day would be enough to make a man's explode on day 2.

If there was one thing I could change about my marriage it would be that  I wish my wife could see how feminine she is to me.   I wish she could see herself through my eyes because if she could, she would not feel lacking in any area whatsoever.   Just the touch of her soft hand upon my arm or leg or thigh as she accidentally brushes up against me in the kitchen or wherever makes me immediately aware of her femininity.  I look down at my hands and see the rough sandpapered callouses and I wonder how she could ever enjoy my touch the way I enjoy hers.   She is soft....... we are older now and both softer in lots of places, but she has always been soft and curvy to me.  I love the way she looks in jeans because I can see her tush.  I love when she is sitting around the house in sweat pants because that means she is relaxed enough to also not be wearing a bra under her t-shirt.  And although she might not realize how many times her nipples turn hard for various reasons throughout the day, I certainly don't miss when this happens EVER.  And, yes, it is sexual, but it is also just feminine and her ..... I think about all those soft places on her that she dislikes and I love ..... and then I see her hard nipples.  The contrast of her softly going about her day as her nipples are hard and proud just about does me in.   I am careful not to say too much about this because I don't want her being self-conscious and start wearing a bra.   I don't care that her breasts are lower than they were 30 years ago when we were first married.  Her body has become what it is supposed to be ....... it has carried our children inside of her ....... and nursed them to a healthy life outside of her.   And on this sweat pants, no bra wearing day, she often has her hair thrown up in some sort of knot on the top of her head, which she thinks makes her look sloppy.  But, I love it because I love looking at the back of her sexy smooth neck.

My name is Storm and I approve this message. 

So...... what do your think your guy would want you to know about yourself?  Maybe you could ask him.  That's what I did after I wrote this. I wanted to see if I could accurately describe some of his thoughts.   His statement in orange up there is the answer to my question.

Keeping it real -- TTWD Adjustments

Flat out, whether I am prone or bent over something convenient and comfortable, spanking is a multidimensional need that my husband is either going to try to meet or he's not.  As a prelude to or as part of the act of sexual expression itself, it's mutually desired.  Although we both love when I am more submissive and softer outside the bedroom, I am naturally in possession of no such traits.  My submissive cup barely spills over into the rest of the house, but our respective roles outside the bedroom can both hurt or enhance the sexual dynamics within our marriage bed.

There have been many occasions over the years where I  feel frustration when know I have crossed a line, but he doesn't process it the same way I do.  I have actually stopped myself sometimes and said, "That's okay when I say what I just said to you?  I can't imagine how that is even remotely acceptable in our ttwd relationship." But today is not one of those times, which shows us that we're making progress.

Now let me go invite him for one of our talks.  I gently ask him if we can talk when he is done working on his project, which is apparently wrestling with our juicer. Thankfully,  I see that Storm has the upper hand.   The real loser is the poor celery which is now just a pile of hapless dry pulp.  I peer inside and I take just a moment to recognize that the soul of each stalk has gone on to Vegetable Heaven.  NOT.  We all know vegetables are from hell.

When we re-enter the bedroom, he reads what I have written so far (minus the editing). We don't have a lot of set rules, but we have a few and Storm is very good about calling me out on those and holding me accountable and he never lets me off the hook even when I sweet talk him.  It's the other stuff that he finds more challenging.

The health struggles you have ... I always have to be aware of that because the situation is different if you're irritable because you're not feeling well.  I'm not going to call you out then.  I turn the ttwd switch off because I can't be in that mode of thinking.  Sometimes when you cross the line and get frustrated with me because I don't seem to notice it, it is because I forget to turn the ttwd switch  back on.    Storm is right about this....... it's an extra filter that is either put in place or removed because of circumstances beyond my control (migraines being the simplest and least personal example.) 

I ask him if he thinks I am asking him to be something that he is not....... naturally authoritative (not to be confused with being weak. My Storm is of great character and is my rock way beyond the scope of ttwd -- for all those situations when we can't take ttwd with us.)  He says I am in the habit of putting myself in the other person's shoes. I don't immediately think of how something makes me feel because that is selfish to be consumed with only myself..... I think about how you are feeling first.   And if I see why you might be irritated at the situation, it seems reasonable to me so I am not going to call you out on that either.  You're human.  I ask him if sometimes he's been too merciful. He thinks for just a moment and decides, "Yes."  

He also says that , "I don't always feel the need to be authoritative because we do not have much conflict.  We have a pretty healthy relationship."   He's right....... I am not a person that has to have things my way and he is definitely not a person that insists on things going his way.  He's very adaptable and given my personality, I think this is overall beneficial to our marriage.  However, I am encouraging him to stop and think about what he wants from me and how he prefers things because I do want to please him and I definitely want to meet his needs.

So after we finish our discussion, I ask him to help me put on the warm fitted sheet that I just got out of the dryer because I hurt my back 3 days ago from doing umm.......NOTHING!  (When one becomes of a certain age, one can go to bed healthy and wake up mysteriously injured. ) I tell him, "This is kind of romantic, Honey."   Him...  The man doing housework is sexy to you, huh?"   That is not what I meant.  I'm just feeling kind of clingy to him because these type of discussions about submission and dominance  make me just a little squishy.   And then he hugs me before we leave the room......... we say private things to one another.......  and then he says, "I'll try to be more of an a$$hole."   This makes me laugh, but we both know what he means.  Last weekend, we had 3 days of hotel time alone together that I did not write about at all.  It was just us for us.  But, while there, I was giving him a hard time about something or other, so he said, "You're supposed to lick my balls not bust my balls."    Well, that shut me up!  He gets authoritative points for that one for sure.  He gets humor points, too, but he doesn't need any help in that department as you all know well if you read here very often.

 I'm thankful Storm and I are growing on our ttwd journey, but we do have some hiccups.  So there's a day in the life.  I enjoy sharing humor, I get deeply involved writing serious things here, too, but above all on my blog, I just want to make sure I am keeping it real.

Crescent Moon -- A Friday Short

One night last week when we were in bed, Storm kissed me good night and then he spooned me from behind.   Well, my pajama bottoms slid down a bit and he could see the top of my rear end so he put his finger there to make me laugh.  Knowing that he and I were going to soon have complete privacy again in a day or two, I said, "You have all weekend to look at that!"  Then I reached back to pull up my pants, yanked, and they ripped and 1/3 of my butt was exposed through a giant hole.  Storm,  "Now I can see it all night tonight, too."

Then today after Thanksgiving dinner at a relative's house, I had my phone in my back pocket and someone texted me. It made the sound of someone hitting a golf ball off the tee because that is the sound effect I chose for notifications.  My SIL sitting next to me asked  loudly, "Did you just take a picture of your butt?"   Me, "No, but when I get home I will and then I'm going to send it to you!"   Storm, "I'll take a copy of that, can you CC me?"

How's the "moon" hanging at your house tonight?

Running

Earlier this year, I felt prompted to study something that has perplexed me and upset me for years:  Why does my religion that professes the unconditional love of God refuse to accept the LGBTQ community?  “We love them, Windy," I sometimes hear.  Me, "You don't accept them, won't validate their marriages, give them equal rights, don't welcome them to worship alongside you......... that doesn't look like love to me and I imagine that it feels a lot like hate to them."  I also hear, "You can’t question the Bible.”  I can, I did,  I am, and lots of people in the Bible doubted God at some point and still found their way.   God isn't afraid of any question that anyone has ever had for Him.  I also decided it was high time to take my head out of my rear end  (or the sand if that makes you feel better) because that is a tight fit and neither place is where God intended it to be. So religious hate, fear, and ignorance in the name of God is what I am running from and here’s what I am frantically sprinting into : the arms of truth.  Here’s how I’m doing that:

First of all, I would say that I discovered some truth when I found the sisterhood of you gals this past spring.  Embracing all things ttwd here kind of set my spirit free. (Thank you!)  Next, Storm helped me put some boundaries into place for the specific people in my life who are of the same faith as I am but who keep harassing me because we have chosen to accept the LGBTQ community in our hearts as well as with our votes. Writing the blog helps me, but it isn't enough and since I struggle with being able to read romantic fiction and write creatively at the same time, I know I needed to read something different, but I didn't know exactly what.  But, I thought I might know exactly who.

Meredith was probably cross-eyed from reading (or half reading!) my long ass posts in between airplane flights this past summer, so she would sometimes refer to her book reading.  About every 3rd conversation I would have with her, she’d be all, “Windy, you need books!”
 Me, “Books, huh?”
Her, "Yes, books!”
Me, “How are you today, Meredith?”
Her, “Books!”
 Me: “What’s Jack making for dinner tonight?”
Her, “ BOOKS!”
Me, “Really? What kind? Broiled Biographies? Melted Melodrama, Fried Urban Fiction, Simmered Suspense, Cold Cuts Classic Literary Fiction?"
She humors me, “Yes, but read this one first,” as she hands me the title of her favorite book of all time. Sauteed Sultry Tales of the South with Grilled Gargantuan Number of Pages. I kid you not, my first thought was, “Don’t you ever complain about one of my long emails or posts again!” Longest book I have ever read in my life. Best book I have ever read, too, and I barely survived the beauty of it all.

I don't like to push people.  I like them to share at their own pace.  I appreciate when I am afforded the same courtesy.  I'm more of a pull-it-out-of-you kind of friend.  Because of this, sometimes getting Meredith to open up is like trying to get the tomato soup out of a classic can of Campbell’s with that sharp triangular puncture thingy on the opposite end of a bottle opener. All I do is puncture it and let it dribble or plop out at the rate of which only the laws of science control. Or I can go read about life hacks and figure out how to carefully get her to open up that can herself …… and then sit down with her and have some grilled cheese with our tomato soup.  (Ignore the fact that she probably got spanked with the very spatula she just flipped those sandwiches with.) But do you see how she got me to read without even being involved in this conversation? She does that on purpose.  See how I just got her to make the sandwiches?  I did that on purpose. 

I have come to love the stories of some people who are more than just characters in books to me, which is good news for you published authors. I’ve read about atrocities of the Vietnam War both at home and abroad, and the humor it takes in some dire situations to preserve the human mind and spirit in order to carry the physical and mental burdens like millions of military personnel did. I have some imaginary friends in South Carolina whose families were difficult yet still greatly prized and within whom a sense of humor was held in place all along the way. I now know a little more history of South Africa and of the persecution and starvation of the Congolese as they fought and died in desperation for democracy.  Within the same story, I identified with each of the daughters raised in a religiously oppressive home.  I know real girls somewhere have been damaged throughout childhood just like me.  And I know that no matter at what age we were when we became aware that this damage occurred, that we have spent our lifetimes recovering and rebuilding.  And then we pass what we've learned on to the next gal so she may travel a little less bumpy of a road than we did.

I'm also learning through all of you. I love learning about the command and mastery of your individual fields of expertise, your sources of inspiration, facts, and fiction and I'm assimilating that with your advice and the healthier remains of my faith to make a stronger, well-informed, more appreciative, better balanced, smarter me. To my book-loving connoisseur and generous friend, Meredith, the catalyst and the quencher of my thirst for reading outside of what I could have ever chosen for myself, thank you is not enough. Nevertheless, you have my sincerest gratitude.

I think all of this reading and growing is what happens when some of the "noise of religion" is taken out of one's head!  It's a great incentive to kick hurtful beliefs and practices off of the heels of my Sauconys.

What are you running from?  Or toward?  And what have you preserved?

Love Our Lurkers - Rainbow Quiz

I don't know if I have any lurkers since I am a fairly new blogger, but if I do, I certainly welcome you here any time!  So, you don't have to feel pressure to come up with a comment because I am going to give you the opportunity to simply answer a few multiple choice type questions.



1. What do you most like to read about in spanking/dd/ttwd land?  (Please list in order from most to 
    least, for example,   B, A, C ! )
    A.  Fantasies of spankings
    B.  The physical details of real Spankings
    C.  The emotional aspects within a spanking relationship.

2. Which one of these 2 VERY SHORT posts was funnier to you?
    D. The Compromise -  Read it here
    E. When Spanking Leads to Laughing  -  Read it here 

3.  Do you think that our very own PK here in blog land land has a southern accent?
     F. Yes
     G. Yes
     H.  I"m in denial.

4.  In your opinion, are most of my posts:
     I.   Short.  (laughing!)
     J.  Longer than Meredith's (laughing harder!)
     K.  Too long for NoraJean's Frank to read in the mornings because his chickens are waiting! HA! 
     L.  Longer than, but not as sweet as 2 of Terpsichore's Thankful songs.

5.  There have been some amazing and funny comments here on my blog and others'.  Which one is the
      most memorable?
      M.  When Nora Jean confessed she has seen Big Foot/Sasquatch.
      N.   When Ella said, " Let me just lay this on the line, Ronnie. I would suck anyone and anything 
             for a grandbaby."
      O.   When Roz said her Rick flicked off her bra and it landed on his manhood!
      P.   When Laurel was writing about how she loves her dominant man and all the things he does to 
           make her feel his dominance, she got herself so worked up she had to go find her man to     
           jump him!
      Q.  All the times Rosie has been confused by my sports references.
      R.   Minelle's defining her own spanking according her Scottman saying hers would be called, "A
            whack of art!" 
      S.  All of the above !

I would be very pleased if you would join in and answer!  Thank you, Lurkers!!

And just to finish up the rest of the letters:

T -  Thank you for taking the time to read my posts!
U -  U are welcome to comment any time on my blog.
V -  Very fortunate to be blogging alongside some great gals!
W  -  Windy likes it when you read and comment.
X  -   XOXOXOXO  to all Lurkers!  
Y - Yearlong, I appreciate all the page hits from my lurkers!     
Z  -   Z  end! 

What do you respond to?

We have learned as females that men are quite visual when it comes to enjoying the bodies of their women.  While Storm certainly is attractive to me and I am drawn into him sexually, I wouldn't say that my first response is simply a visual one.  While I do think he's sexy, and I have had my eye on his nice rump since I was a teenager, for me, it is more about his presence.

I also respond to his words. You know some of the kinds of things he says to me regarding submission because I have shared them here.  You also know a few of the funny things.  While the words that he says are always very important to me, the words that he doesn't say are very powerful as well.

I am also drawn to the way he smells and I have written about that, too, but it still pleasantly surprises me every time it happens.  Just yesterday he was carrying the big vacuum sweeper to the basement for me because he is Popeye and I am Olive Oil (plus another 100 pounds), and I smelled his soap on him....... his soap mixed with his own scent....... as he walked by me.  I didn't say anything because I was busy preparing for guests, but I sure did think about him.  And I melted just a little.

Of course, I respond to his spanking me, even if it is just one swat on the rear end as I walk by him throughout the day.  My body reacts.   The day after our most recent spanking time, I only said one sentence about it to him when a certain part of me suddenly twitched down below.  This shocked me, stopped me in my tracks, took my breath away, and I told him just saying those few words had "Grabbed me by the P-word."   (Rachel Maddow reference, but it's true.) 

One of the sexiest things Storm has ever said to me was about 20 years ago.  We were meeting in a big city ... his business base is there and I came by car. I was waiting for him with friends at a nice restaurant.  You all know by now that I am a tomboy, but I had dressed up on this day.   I was sitting at a table on the river where the patio part is set lower than the main street part of the restaurant.  I saw Storm walking on the sidewalk toward me from his place of employment..... through the railings I saw his shape and his snappy business casual dress. As soon as I was positive we had made eye contact, I recall wondering what he was thinking.  Later, once friends were out of hearing distance, he said to me in a low conspiratorial timbre, "When I saw you in  that dress, my dick jumped."  I remember immediately softening and that was 10 years before we'd ever heard of dd or ttwd.

What do you respond to?

History and the Story Teller

A fortune teller speaks of things in the future.  A story teller speaks of true events discovered in the past.   So, story telling is history???

Have you ever heard a terrific story teller?  It doesn't matter what the subject is because I'm drawn into the voice, the words, and the style of delivery.  Next, I'm pulled into the emotion, the drama, and the pausing for effect.  All throughout, I'm sucked into the emphasis, the humor, the time period and environment of the story.  If the person is with me live or on television,  I'm leaning so far in to listen, I almost fall over.  On the phone, it's listening so hard that my breathing almost stills because I don't even want to miss one word.  If I am reading it, I will do so until my eyes are blurred and my Nook is on the 2nd to highest font setting!  (If you put it on the highest setting, I think the words should just say  GO TO BED ALREADY AND REST YOUR EYEBALLS!)

As I walk around and around the subdivision listening to  podcasts with hosts and guests who are good story tellers, I can't help but wonder that some people look out of their cars or house windows and then see me....... with what kind of a look on my face?  They can see I have one side of my ear buds in and one hanging loose so I don't get mowed over by a tractor or whatever.  But, did they just see or hear me LAUGH as I am walking by myself?  Or have they heard me randomly declare, "What the flip?  Are you freaking kidding me?!!!"   And, "I didn't know this.  How come no one ever told me this??!!!"

And if I'm listening to anything where somebody has a pleasant Southern accent and it's a good story,  it's hilarious to me because I want to keep walking and listening, but I'm trying to work up a decent sweat for a healthy walk.  But, to do this when someone is talking about the South,  with that  fascinating drawl describing summer days, the heat and humidity, ice cubes melting in glasses of lemonade, fishin' poles and takin' naps?  All  that makes me want to walk S-L-O-W-L-Y.  How do you "hurry up and listen to a southern person?"   I don't think you do!  And why would I want to?!  (unless they're in the Senate.  Pfft.  *Hits the mute button. Hard.*)

So the thing about discovering truth?  Um, yeah, a lot of that is history, Windy.  Yes, I am finding that out thank you very much and I LIKE it, so there!   Apparently, history is not merely the memorizing of facts, dates, and the first paragraph and a half from the Declaration of Independence that makes little sense to you in middle school because the teacher failed to share with us in a relatable style as to what the flip it meant. Pfft.  What was history to you in middle school, Windy?  It was trying to take notes out of the monotonous lecturing style of the blow hard at the front of the room and trying not to laugh at the whispering impression of the Swedish Chef from the Muppets that the kid in the seat behind me was doing all the time.  "En, bork, bork , bork!'   Yes, that is what I remember about my history class.  That and a very boring orange folder that held my even more boring notes.

However, that is all behind me now.  Har. Har.  Seriously though, authors new to me that know how to write a novel around some major history..... oh, yes, sign me up for that, please!  I want the influence of the different writing styles and the vocabulary, the facts of the past, and the culture all wrapped up around and intertwined with a good story.  Looks like I don't hate history!  Who knew?!

I have some great memories of some talented story tellers ....... some famous, but mostly just people I have encountered in my life along the way.  I won't reveal who my current favorite story teller is, but I will say that I hope this person tackles the challenge of writing his/her life story because it really is that fascinating and I am positive it would appeal to a vast array of readers.  If I had a story like that, I'd write it in a a heartbeat!  In the meantime, I will be reading, listening, and waiting for all the gifted story tellers to share, as Paul Harvey used to say,  "And now the rest of the story........"

Do you have a favorite story teller? 

Intensity

I am intense.  Who knew this?  Show of hands?  Not!  All right, put your hands down.  We're not on an exciting roller coaster ride and I know this because I would never be on a roller coaster. But, for most of us, life sure does feel like it sometimes, doesn't it?
artist's link

Occasionally, I am an emotional force because I haven't been sleeping well or it is health related so I don't feel well.  At times, it is that I have been paying too much attention to the news (but I'm not ignoring it because I do want to be well informed).  More often, it is the over-stimulation of me trying to get everything right, which is really ridiculous because I don't even come close.  Who does?  Because of my intensity, I can often only focus on one thing at a time. However, right now, I am listening to an audio book as I walk, vacillating between that and a recently discovered (introduced to me by a friend) podcast ....... and I am reading a book on my Nook as well.  I don't know what happened to me, (yes, I do, but I'm still trying to figure out a way to blog about it), but I am craving new information that stimulates my mind as it  fulfills this kind of a personal quest that I seem to have organically taken on.  It's intense!

Because I am passionate, earnest, and spirited, I get very frustrated and unsure when I cannot express to someone my feelings, my questions, my thoughts, my gratitude, and my sincerity.  I do not do this on a deep level with many people, so I am not out indiscriminately lookin' for love or whatever.  Ha!  But, for those very close to me, even though each relationship is its own, if you spook me, you'll know it.  If I am worried, I'll show it. If you upset me, I may not say anything, but you will sense it if you're paying attention.  If you're upset with me, oh gosh..... there will be tears and they will be mine.  But on the positive side that outweighs all the negative, if I like you or love you (and if you like or love me back because I am not a weirdo nor am I interested in 1 sided relationships), then you will feel it.

When I perceive an incredible depth in someone and even a complexity to them, it makes me take a second look at him/her.  I definitely feel this about Storm and I always have.  But, I also want to be around him because  he makes me feel safe.  He never makes me feel stupid for not knowing what he knows and the man would claim he doesn't know much, but he is wrong. I find it really attractive that there is just no judgement that he makes of me.  I appreciate this because as a result of my intensity, I judge myself all the dang time. One of the few rules that Storm requires of me as of this summer that it is a definite spankable offense is that I am to never make disparaging remarks about myself.  The idea behind this is that it will also stop me from forming those kinds of thoughts in the first place.  He makes me feel that I can ask him any question at any time.  If he knows the answer, he will tell me.  If he doesn't, he will find out and tell me or we will unearth the answer together.  Team Storm and Windy has been discovering answers to new questions we have about life lately.  It is so wonderful.  He's always been curious, but I'm a new recruit to a deeper level of curiosity. Now, one of my favorite things to do is to share with him a piece of information, perhaps a little bit of history, or a word new to me that he doesn't yet know.

Another thing is that Storm is complex in part to me because he doesn't get close to people.  He is very personable, sincere, and so very funny.  However, unless it involves his feelings of caramel apple pie anything, he doesn't like sharing his emotions. (Although he does enjoy civil discourse and he will share his opinions with you if you ask him directly.)   Here is this man who I think is amazing and he only wants one person in the world to touch him, hug him, talk to him, and be with him every day (and show him boobs)....... and that person is me.  With me, he will also share his caramel apple pie a la mode!

Storm enjoys the closeness that the fruit of ttwd produces in our relationship and the kinkiness the spanking part adds to our sex life as do I.  But I'm the one who needs it, in part, because it helps curb the more challenging aspects of my intensity.  It centers me, it soothes me, then afterward, I "soothe" him.  It's a win-win!

The Compromise - A Friday Short

I startle easily, I get irritated easily, ....... it's why I need to be spanked sometimes!

Earlier in the day, while driving, Storm didn't just sideswipe a curb, he drove half the car over it.  I don't know what the heck happened but it scared  me to death!

Later, I was trying to concentrate on some editing of my writing and Storm dropped a dish in the sink  not even 2 feet from where I was sitting.   I swore and almost fell off my chair.  Me, "Just for one day, I wish you could live inside my body to see what it feels like."    I was so aggravated with him.   I hate being startled!   Anyway, he hardly misses a beat, "We could compromise.  I could put myself partway into your body, then pull back out for a bit before I go back in."    That was it.......... I was on the floor laughing.......

Item of Submission

So....... do you have something personal you wear that makes you feel submissive?

While I would love to get one of those little necklaces with a guitar pick that has a spanked bottom on it,  I couldn't really wear that anywhere except in the bedroom and I am already submissive in there and Storm sees my very real pink spanked bottom up close because he just made it that way!

I wanted something that I could wear in private and public that may or may not attract attention and is not a problem either way, but that is not the point.   The purpose is in the way it makes me feel.  I have worn it during spankings, out to dinner, to family gatherings, and just around the house when I am wearing my pajamas.  People are none the wiser as to what it means.  But, I know and so does Storm.

I did a lot of searching for it online last year which is hard to do when you don't know exactly what you're looking for.  I started with looking at bdsm jewelry but it either had little or no meaning to me or it was just in general, too obvious.   So we had to get a little creative.
Riveted Rock Necklace

I refer to my necklace that is similar to these, but of a different color and shape, as my "submission necklace" or my "submissive stone" in private to Storm.  But, to everyone else it is a stone necklace or a riveted rock necklace.  It draws attention if someone likes it, but it does not invite questions that I cannot easily answer.  And I'm  thinking, "If you really knew what this piece of jewelry means to me....... "

In the definition of "Rivet," it says, "To fasten or secure."
Secure is a submissive and a dominant word to me because Storm emotionally secures me with his words and his love, and he physically secures me with his hand and his body.  He makes sure that we are financially secure. Storm holds me sometimes in the middle of a spanking when he wants to bring me up and talk to me, and my movement is somewhat more restrictive when I am bent over and his hand is on my back, neck, hip or holding on to my hair ..... in authority. Yum.

I am not required to wear this necklace, but, when I do wear it and I do so often, I feel just a little bit more submissive when I put it on after a shower.  And Storm notices it.   We were recently out to dinner, having a nice conversation, and I discover that he is not just looking at me, but kind of studying me as well with that certain look that he gets on his face specifically reserved for me only when he is drinking me in with his eyes.  His voice is loud enough for just me to hear, but somehow still deep and husky, "I like when you wear your submission necklace."   Swoon.

Feminine and Submissive -- Just by reading?

Practicing ttwd with Storm makes me feel more feminine.  Before I started blogging and receiving feedback from you gals, it never occurred to me that many other women would feel more feminine because of ttwd, too.  My gosh, how could I not know this?  But, I promise you it is the absolute truth that because of my extreme athleticism, I just don't feel girly.  And you know what?  I don't really want to BE girly and I never have.  Although my wedding dress would beg to differ now that I think about it.  And we had pastels as the colors for the groomsmen and bridesmaids.  That's kind of girly, isn't it?  The best way for me to describe my wedding dress (because I absolutely refuse to go look any up here online because that is GIRLY!)........ is one of those interesting looking accordion toilet plungers with the ripples ......   a big white one made of Cool Whip....... throw some lace over that, shove me in the top of it  and there's my wedding dress.  I don't remember caring what anyone else thought of my dress except for Storm.  I couldn't wait for that moment when my father had walked me just far enough down the aisle where Storm would come into view for the first time that day.  I was so nervous that I was glad to finally see him and then finally GET TO HIM at the altar.  Whew!

I enjoy putting on sexy panties and bras for Storm though..... as long as they don't poke me in weird places.   And as long as Storm doesn't poke me in weird places either! Just kidding, if you're reading this, Honey! (I know you are!  You can poke me anywhere you want, just keep in mind that BDSM checklist I filled out ten years ago first, k?  You also won't find any FF that I write on PK's blog that is about me wanting my Hard Limits crossed either! No thank you!)  HA!

But, what girl do you know that puts on fishing waders one minute and then wants to be naked bent over her husband's lap, getting her butt slapped the next?   Me!  Reeling in a 2 foot fish earlier in the day and then on my knees giving Storm a blow job later......  that's me, too!  And, yes, I showered first, thanks for asking!  As a matter of fact, we both end up in the shower and then some soapy gratitude and servitude on my part takes place in there sometimes!

Before practicing ttwd, I always thought of blow jobs as sexual and something nice to do for Storm.  But, I never felt submissive about it. I never even thought about that.   But, once the dd started........ changed my whole attitude about it.  It is absolutely completely submissive to me and Storm now.  We learned that the wife getting on her knees and giving her husband the gift of oral sex because of the time and attention and dominance he gives during the spanking was a natural thing to do.  This is one of the first things I ever read about spanking and dd and it shocked me, but in a very hot way.   The submission part also pulled me into the whole idea (with spanking being essential otherwise I wouldn't be a submissive anything!)  and I knew I wanted to do it as long as Storm didn't think it was crazy.  Well, you all know the answer to that as here we are 9 years later!

Because of life's circumstances over the years, there have naturally been stops and starts to our ttwd. Whenever I would start reading about dd or ttwd online in the few places I could find them, (way before I found you gals), I'd get it all in my head again and wonder if we could find the time and space and privacy to practice it.  I shared this with Storm.  Well, he told me something very interesting.  He said that he could tell that I had been reading about dd again before I brought it up to him.  I asked him how he knew this.   Storm,"I can tell a difference in you."   Me, "Just because I was reading it and not even talking with you about it?"   Him, "Yes. It isn't that you become a different person, you're just softer, more aware of me and of yourself around me, your attitude is different."   Wow.  I really liked that.   The power of the written word on a ttwd gal's mind.  Amazing!

Oh so Suite - When you get what you asked for

The second and final night of our recent stay in our hotel..........

Taking our sweet time because that's what we do on vacation, we headed to Barnes and Noble before we went out to dinner.  Because it was laid out completely different than ours back home, we took in the new releases up front and stood together as we looked around and got our bearings of the store.  I recognized one or two titles that you gals have recently mentioned on your blogs and I smiled to myself.  Storm and I spent some time together and apart because I don't want to be in the computer book section where he likes to hang out and he doesn't like looking at the writing journals and stationary and cards area where I was leaning toward this time. However, one of us will always end up in the other one's section when we have exhausted the possibilities within our own, or to find the other one when we're hungry, or horny.

In years past, before books were so readily available on Nooks and Kindles and all that jazz, I would definitely be hunkering down in the romance section which I enjoyed most.  Not that these books weren't descriptive, but if you really wanted to find erotic literature, you had to know where to look.  Self-help, Psychology, Literature, and Fiction in general.  And it's not like I would have ever gone up to a salesperson to ask if he or she knew of anything in between the two extremes of Vanilla Books or those more Rocky Road.  Sandra Brown versus Anne Rice for example.  Storm and I would sometimes huddle up and stumble upon interesting titles such as  The Joy of Sex or we discovered some kind of erotic anthology, but for the most part, we didn't buy them.  We lost and caught our collective breath enough sometimes just looking, reading, and learning in the store, and then headed out to the car and found some deserted dark parking lot and got semi-nekkid (and once totally naked for me!)   Well why don't you look in those sections anymore, Windy, especially on this little romantic getaway?   Because they don't have books called, The Joy of Getting Your Ass Spanked, TTWD for You and for Me, Red Rover-Red Rover Bend Windy Right Over,  War and a Piece of my Ass, or The Postman Always Smacks Twice. (Although I think I could write a couple of those myself and those that I can't, I can probably find similar stories on YOUR blogs.  Thank you, by the way!)

After we were done at the bookstore, we headed toward the steakhouse we had chosen earlier.   You know one of those times where you get exactly what you ask for -- when the descriptions of each entree on the menu jump out at you and when your food arrives, it is the exact taste, smell, and texture that you imagined?  I love when this happens! As Storm ordered for me for the first time,  I sliced up the warm loaf of bread they had brought out, I buttered a piece for him and prepared his little plate before mine, and I felt feminine for doing so for some reason.  (I'm sure I still looked like a fumbling jock trying to butter the bread with a hockey stick, but I didn't feel that way this time.) When the appetizer of stuffed mushrooms arrives, I looked down at my already unrolled out of my napkin silverware and I realize I have 2 forks to choose from.  They look identical to me and  I wondered which one was the salad fork and which one was the dinner fork. Eyes peeled, I lift both utensils, one in each hand, testing the weight, wondering if that would somehow help me to tell the dang difference.  Nope. I narrowed my eyes and I put them back down on the plate (the forks, not my eyes) and I stared at them a little harder.  Taking a deep breath, I channeled my inner TTWD gals who I imagined to be the Fine-Diners, The-Cross-Country-Trippers, The Sophisticated-Across- the-Pond-Ladies........ Something about the number of tines??  They had the same number.  Ugh!  So then I channeled my inner TTWD gals who I imagined to be more Go-With-the-Flow, Fake-It-'Til-You-Make-It, and members of the Non-Worriers-Club ...... and I quickly decided "forget it" was the answer and picked up one of the forks, certain no one would boycott me in blog land when the time came for me to admit my social ineptitude.  And, yes, I knew at that very second that I would be blogging this little funny part of my night.  You can take the writer out of blog land, but you can't take the blog land friendships out of the writer.

We were having a great time at dinner, but in the middle of it, the hostess sat a couple in the booth behind us.  I knew this by hearing and not seeing, as Storm was facing them and I was not.  The man was a bit loud and this grated on my nerves.  I do not want to hear other people's conversations while Storm and I are trying to have our own.  I don't expect people whisper, but for flip's sake, could they TRY to keep it down?  The answer is a big fat NO.   So when the waitress came to take his order, she asked if him if he wanted a salad and his inappropriate answer was, "No, I get enough roughage."  Good grief, the things servers have to put up with!  So she walks away and his wife/girlfriend says something to him about the salad and he replies,  "I don't need the roughage.  My shits are fine."  Really? This is NOT what I want to hear during a nice steak dinner.  I just look across at Storm and whispered to him what the guy had said.  Carefully and undetected, Storm presses his index finger and middle finger together and points to his own teeth and shaking his head "no."  This means the dude has no front teeth.  The idiot just ordered a steak!  I look at Storm with big eyes like, "How's he going to eat steak?"  Storm spreads his two fingers and points to his incisors or bicuspids or whatever the heck isn't anywhere near the front teeth.  I just laugh and shake my head and hope I didn't have to hear anymore about this guy's bodily functions.  Sadly, although Storm and I were on a little get-away, we didn't make it outside our own state and so this toothless redneck was our demonym.  But, I can almost guarantee that I voted differently than he did, if he voted at all.

Speaking of bodies, when we got back to our hotel suite, I was looking for my girly pajamas to put on for Storm, but I had not yet found them or started to disrobe myself.  Unbeknownst to me, Storm had opened the curtains on one side of the suite as it was still somewhat light out.  "Don't whip out a tit or anything right now, " he tells me.  I looked at him like he had grown 3 extra heads.  "What?  Even if we were home, I wouldn't 'whip out a tit' at you...... what are you talking about?"  Storm, "There's a guy walking a German Shepherd right outside our window."   And then I thought about it for about 2 more seconds and realized he was right to warn me because there have been plenty of times when I have flashed him my boobs while he is sitting in his office chair on a conference call with the French Doors to his home office shut.  I stand on the other side until I get his attention and then flash and press certain body parts against the glass to make him smile.  He often claps softly and taps his foot to his own rhythm overly enthusiastically like an old man at a tent revival with a grin on his face, knowing that if he stops the hoopla, then the show will stop, too.

A little later, Storm propped himself up on pillows, sat against the headboard and then I put down a pillow across his legs/lap and another one beneath my forearms to support me.  I was naked and he was naked except for his underwear.  He provided for me a very nice long hand spanking with the lecture even though I wasn't in trouble or being corrected.  Why is the spanking so much more with a lecture than without it?   All of what he says, I enjoy, and get turned on by, and as things get more intense, so do his words.  We shifted into making love and while he was still inside me he started saying things to me that he would say during spankings. Oh my gosh ........  right to the core of why I love practicing ttwd with my husband.  Sometimes you get more than what you asked for ...........

People Need to Know

People need to know you love them.  They need to know on ordinary days..... not because they just did something special for you....... although it is wonderful if they did........

People need to know you're rooting for them.  Everyone is not a cheerleader and we as women are especially hard on ourselves and unfortunately hard on each other as well.  Women need to get together and stick together.  I know we all don't "float each others' boats"....... I don't think anyone wants pseudo friends...... but the least we can do is truly want the best for one another.

People need to know they matter.  Too often, people feel cast aside.

People need to know they are needed.

People need to know they have made a difference in our lives.

People need to know that even though they may be very different from us, it is actually because they are different from us, that we can learn something valuable from them.

People need to know you're sorry and they need to hear it.  Never assume they realize it.

You can't make it up.  If you don't feel it or believe it, then don't say it.  But, if you do feel it and believe it, tell them because people really do need to know.

So to those of you who know me well, I love you, (and if our friendship is brand new or still getting off of its feet, then I like you and I have love for you from one ttwd gal to another.)  To everyone, I'm rooting for you, I want the best for you, you matter, I need you, you have made a difference in my life, I have learned so much from you because of our differences, I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, I am not making any of this up and this is what I want you to know.  (And, Grammarly would like you all to know that it forgives me for that huge run-on-whatever sentence I just wrote.)

Windy


*****Exception:  If you are by some bizarre chance reading here and you are sometimes identified as "45" and you're orange...... I do not love you and get the heck off my blog. *****

Thumbs Up - Hotel Spanking

For the first time in over five years, Storm and I were about to have two nights alone. Could you hear the angels singing?  We could!  We've never spanked in a hotel until now...........

With our noses ever grateful that the staff management took care to make sure it didn't feel or smell stale in our room,  we walk into the hotel suite and the coolness of the air conditioning envelops our warm bodies. We set down one fourth of all of our luggage and look around at whatever it was we had blindly signed ourselves up for.  Our eyes feast upon the lovely king size bed because at home ours is a little smaller.  The next thing we notice is that there is a huge 9 foot long desk dividing the bedroom from the living room. The executive chair sits proudly behind the desk,  facing the mammoth bed.  Since Storm had reserved the room himself, I ask him, "Are you going to play 'Let me be the boss for a while?' or 'Spank the Secretary?' "   Storm surveys what he has paid for (the room, not me), "Hmm. Maybe."    We could have easily played both as it was a perfect set up for either scenario, but Storm had his own plans in mind.  Or he just went with the flow, I do not know because I did not ask.  Storm heads out for Carrying As Much Luggage as Possible, Round 2.

I start to put away things that need to be refrigerated.  We had snacks sent with us prepared by our gracious hosts with whom we had spent the previous 3 nights.  We only traveled halfway toward home to this hotel, but they sent with us chilled snacks including homemade trail mix, fresh fruit, and bulls eyes.  Apparently they feared our fat assess couldn't travel 60 miles without stuffing our fists down our throats like each of us was a 1-year-old baby intent on mastering that eye-hand-mouth-coordination thing of picking up Cheerios with a chubby fist from his high chair tray and then without opening his hand, shoving them in his mouth, fist and all.  Reach for another one and repeat!  We're not Italian or Southern nor do we descend from any of those kinds of wonderful heritages known for their special cuisines, but somehow our people always worry we don't have enough to eat anyway.  Perhaps they felt indebted to Storm because he helped our hosts restore two of their computers to working order and reconnected and reprogrammed two of their dish televisions with their new remote controls.  Where we were for those few days, I spent a lot of time during the daylight hours fishing........ and yes, enough was caught for dinner!  WooHoo!

After all the unpacking and checking out our sweet but temporary digs, we ordered dinner and Storm went to pick it up.  I changed into some cute pajamas that do not leave a whole lot to the imagination, perhaps the sort of thing some of you gals wear regularly during summer nights.  (It is October and it is supposed to be fall weather, but we are having an Indian summer where we live.)  But, for me, they're quite feminine jammies and they show much more skin than I normally would leave exposed at home anywhere outside of the bedroom.

Hours later, I lowered myself on my stomach to the fresh smelling clean sheets on the bed and Storm began to caress my now bared bottom.  He said some romantic things and some kinky stuff as he began smacking my cheeks with his bare hand which caught my interest because normally, he'll use our strap paddle.  My body and mind remember the feeling of his hard hand slapping my rear end over and over much like he did in our early dd days years and years ago.  As a result, I started to get a bit heated in more ways than one.  I'd be lying if I didn't wonder how loud it might be to someone in the hallway, but I knew we had an employee room on one side and a furnace room on other side, and we never saw anyone coming and going. We were about to do the coming ourselves, although I really hate that word except for when Storm says it in some way to me then it is kinky.  Reading the word bothers me a little less when it is spelled old school style.  Anyway, noise is something we worry about at home.  Tonight, I truly let it all go and I quickly decided that I did not care.

Sometimes I look back and ask Storm what he is doing.  Other times, I just look back over my shoulder to see what he is doing...... this time I just decided to feel.   I know that I have never written a spanked to orgasm fantasy and I also know that I never specifically shared that fantasy with Storm (or anyone else!).   I think fantasies can be played out, but with mixed results.  Perhaps because I wasn't expecting it at all, the whole thing more than met my expectations! Anyway, back to the me deciding to just feel it.  I did not know what he was doing exactly, but I was on my hands and knees in the middle of the bed now and he was pretty much directly behind me looking and touching.  The spanking part was behind me, too.  I couldn't do anything but pant and purr at what he was doing with his hands.  For about fifteen seconds I actually tried to figure out the logistics, but I ultimately decided it felt so good that I did not care!  I just wanted more!  Well, I wanted more of the same..... whatever rhythm he had going, I just wanted him to keep doing that.  He didn't need to speed up, slow down, or change directions...... sometimes one of those is what our sweet guys think they should do as they feel us ladies getting more excited.  I remember when we were first married and we were still learning one another's bodies and before we had any kind of access, needs or wants for a vibrator........ Storm trying to make the rubbing so intense for me on my umm... skittle?  It was almost as if he was rubbing and imagining he was Lady Macbeth with the whole "Out, damned spot!" thing.  Okay, so there was none of that tonight........ and he was really playing my tune with such dexterity that I did not care how or what I was singing.   No vibrator needed, it was getting that good.  Then with no forethought whatsoever, I whispered, "Spank me." And he did.  Only 30 seconds later, I was in heaven and even the angels were impressed with my singing.  And then I became the female Pied Piper, played Storm's skin flute, and lured his snake not vermin.

Storm asked me afterwards, "So was 2 the magic number for you?"   I had honestly forgotten to ask him!  "Oh, yes, what in the world were you doing?  Using two fingers?"   Storm, "Yes, one finger on your clit and my thumb--"   Me, "Wait! Your thumb?!!"    Him, "Yes, my thumb was inside......"    Me, "You thumbed me?  I've been thumbed?"   Huh.  Who knew?!  We laughed.  I don't care if I was "big toed." Whatever he did, I didn't have to see it, I only had to feel it, and nobody heard but us.

Pull up a Chair

Storm takes care of me, I take care of him, and we both take care of us.  Storm was all set for our outdoor adventure the other day in which I fish and he plays my bodyguard to keep me safe from suspicious looking fellows in our redneck area of our beloved state.  Earlier he came home from the grocery store and surprised me with a bunch of snacks for the afternoon.  Whenever we have various snacks at one time, we affectionately call it "a carpet picnic" from the movie Pretty Woman -- soft soft soft core naughtiness for vanilla newlyweds back in the 1990's.  It worked for us.  Storm is in charge of bringing whatever reading material he wants and his carpet picnic.   He puts them in a canvas man bag that I bought him for this specific purpose and for vacations.  However, it does make me laugh when he throws it over his shoulder and off he goes down the slippery hillside in search of a much coveted fishing spot (by me).  He also carries the big fishing net, and his special camping chair with its matching carrying case slung over his other shoulder.  And, no I did not call him Nancy, but I did ask him if he had his purse and I did not get in trouble for this because he is assured in his manhood as am I, otherwise I wouldn't have bought him the bag if he refused to use it.

I, who am not always so sure of my womanhood, am dressed in men's waders and giant ass fishing boots that are 2 sizes too big for me, but the waterproof sock parts of the waders are so big on me, that I have to stuff them in larger boots. So together we toddle down the slippery slope that leads to the creek, both of us lugging all of our gear and we set up on the rocks below.  We don't do a whole lot of talking because the river rapids are noisy, but in a very pleasant way.  I am paying attention to what I am doing and he is doing whatever he does in his camping chair.  A couple of hours into the trip, I happen to look over at Storm eating his snacks and he only slightly resembles Winnie The Pooh with his cute little (big) gut.  I am laughing typing this ........ at what is coming.....   I just happen to be looking directly at him when I hear a POP! and I watch him fall about 9 inches through his triangular shaped chair.  I was laughing so hard that I couldn't fish for the next 15 minutes.  Of course, in the first 5 seconds, I make sure he is okay and his answer was this hilarious word he made up whenever he does something that he thinks is daft or if he messes something up....... "Beeeep" but it comes from the back of his throat while his tongue is tucked under his front lip. (Take a second to try it yourself.)  Me, "Are you okay?"  He's still fallen through the chair, but he says immediately, "Beeeep!"   That was it, I lost it.   Next come the one liners.  "I'm lucky I wasn't leaning forward or the pole would have shoved my nuts up to my chin."    See why I couldn't even hold my fishing pole in the water?  I was bent over laughing, which is my 2nd favorite kind of bending over to do..... wait..... 3rd.....  spanking, you-know-what, and then laughing.  And then because I sometimes use salmon eggs to fish with in a little net called a "spawn sac"............  Storm says, "You almost got to fish with my nut sack."    More hilarity ensues.

A couple of hours or so later, we are back home, cleaning up and doing whatever to get ready to watch Stephen Colbert's opening monologue and I look over at Storm now sitting in his living room chair and truly having a carpet picnic with his leftover snacks.  I just start laughing all over again.  "Really? More snacks?  The camping chair incident wasn't enough for you?"   Apparently not.  I'm surprised he didn't say, "Oh, bother," just like that sweet bear with his honey pot.

The Book of Salmon

Storm took me salmon fishing for a short couple of hours at the creek this evening.  He does this unselfishly as he does not  like to fish and is not a fan of being out in nature.  He gets itchy.  He brings his book and his semi-comfortable chair. He knows a lot from reading and watching documentaries and whatever other things there are that smart people do to keep life learning afloat. Then he stands for a while and goes on salmon watch and points them out and yells to me when he sees the giant kings running up the river to spawn.  Last week, there were a lot of fish, but they were not biting at all....... when they want to spawn, the only way you can get them to hit is to make them angry by throwing flashy and colorful "spoons and spinners" into the water and hope  they bite out of aggression. So many passed right at our feet and would not bite.  Storm could have easily hit one or two of them over the head with his book and we could have scooped them up and had fish for dinner.  But, that is illegal and not nice, so we did not do that.  It was wonderful to see so many running up the river.  Today, I had my waders on and was in the river itself fishing.  It is amazing to be in only 2 and a half feet of water, but to have the current be so strong that it  pulls and/pushes against me, throwing me off kilter. The bottom is slick with mud and slimy rocks so I have to be very careful not to slip and fall face first into the water and then have it all rush down the front of my waders ........ day over when that happens unless it is a very hot summer day and you don't care about being all wet.   But, in the fall on a 60 degree weather day, no thank you, cold water in my bra and underwear.

For some, it would have been an easy answer to not follow the laws and not respect nature and figure out an easy way to catch these giant fish that were not biting.  Sticking your net right in the current is one way,  "snagging" them with a very sharp treble hook is another way.  I have witnessed people do the latter and it is unpleasant.   In order to catch a fish legally, you have to hook him in the mouth.  You cannot intentionally get your hook stuck anywhere else across the body and drag it to shore (snagging).  It is common to accidentally hook one in the back.  Yes, you do bring him ashore, but it is  called a foul hook and you legally have to let the fish go back into the wild after you carefully remove the hook.

Ever been hit over the head with a book?   Not nice.   Ever bit hit over the head with the Bible figuratively or literally?  Not cool either.  I think that is kind of like a  religious 'foul hook.'   It is not how the Bible was intended to be used in my old and suspicious brain's opinion.  That's misusing the equipment.  It is generally considered safe and healthy when you want to catch your food fairly and put dinner on the table.  You don't mistreat the fish, you're respectful of it.  You don't hit it over the head with a book.   Well,  as a human I don't want to be hit over the head with the Book anymore either.  I'm emotionally bruised and battered from it.  Windy, who is hitting you over the head with it?  Pffft.  A better question would be who isn't?   No wonder I get migraines!

So for some that is the answer ....... do whatever it is you have to do to cheat, to hurt, to be selfish, to get your way, to impose your own will,  and get your big fish any way you can...... but not for me.  Not with my faith and not with salmon fishing.  Two completely different things, but I am going to play them both the way that I think God intended for me.

And if I think of God as the great HOH, I know mine isn't waiting for me around the corner of the bedroom and then is going whap!! me when I am unaware and scare the life out of me.  Likewise, Storm doesn't chase me around the house with a giant paddle and he doesn't smack me anywhere else on my body except for where it is is legal which is my big fat rear end.

Peckerhead

Best line?

1.   This is what you get for flipping me the bird.
2.   Will this cure my migraine?
3.   Come here little bug.
4.   Terps, does this count for movement?  Dare You to Move
5.   Giving bad head is for the birds.
6.   Ugh, it's morning and the coffee isn't ready yet.
7.   I said "Blogger problems, not logger problems!"  Grrrr!
8.   Watching through 9 hours of the most recent Senate hearings. Jerks.
9.   My spanked a$$ is about 2 shades lighter than this guy's red head. Ouch!
10.  Really, Windy, this is what you chose for your 50th post? 

Or what's one of your own?

Vulnerability

Any time I do something new in our marriage, I feel vulnerable.  Even simple things like cooking a meal that I have never made before or a dessert. Storm is a real trooper and has never complained once in all these years.  I have!  Me, "Ugh, I can't eat this.  How can you eat this?"   He just does.  He also likes it when I cook new things, so he is not going to complain about me experimenting.  Ever have one of those days when you're making dinner and it smells good and he says, "What are you making?"  Me, "I have no idea.  I am just throwing what sounds good together!"   One time I did that and he so enjoyed the dish that he wanted me to keep making it, so I asked him what we should call it.  He said,  "Majestic Interlude."   Ridiculous and hilarious.  Well, at least he didn't say, "Afternoon delight."

I remember the first time that Storm told me that he loved me.  I felt that I did love him, but I had never told a guy that I loved him before....... so I first tested to see what it meant to him to have said that to me because I was absolutely guarding my heart.  I asked him, "Have you ever said 'I love you' to a girl before?"  And he answered honestly, "Yes."   This made me feel vulnerable and I just could not say it back to him because I didn't know the level of love he felt or if they were just words to him.  I suspected they were not just empty words and that he did love me, but I needed more time before I declared my love for a guy for the very first time.  And so that was the end of that for me for a long time ....... until I knew that he loved me for sure.  Then I finally decided to trust him and I told him I loved him, too.

Sex can make me feel vulnerable.   If Storm  and I have not been intimate for a long time for some reason, a particular kind of vulnerability returns to me temporarily, until he holds me safely and gently in his arms and coaxes me to give myself up to him again.  Something similar happens when life has unfortunately gotten in the way of our spanking times.  Then on the day I know the spanking it to take place, I get all nervous again almost like the very first time we ever tried spanking in a dd type situation.  Whew, boy.  I get kind of shy and my tummy is all flipping around.   For the sexual intercourse part , an emotional and mental process  leads to physical changes in my body.  At first, we are lying naked in our bed stretched out next to one another.  He is on his side facing me and I am on my back.  And then he starts caressing places.  There are times when I roll onto my side to face him and I hide my face in his neck as I throw my arm around him.  "I'm embarrassed, Honey."   He reassures,  "Oh, don't be embarrassed, Babe, I've got you."   I feel safe with my face and lips hidden in the crook of his neck and shoulder.  He will slowly caress the parts of me that he can reach, which includes my rear end and that always gets blood flowing in the right places.  And slowly he will ease me onto my back once again and do what husbands know how to do before they touch that very most intimate place we gals hold tightly.  When he puts his hand there, I will often put my face in his shoulder again......... and he slowly keeps at it until I just start to relax and get more turned on.  Then the magic starts happening and I spread my legs a little wider for him, OR he will dominantly spread them for me, but not in a bossy way and not until he reads that my body and mind are ready.  He knows.  And then comes the point where I am all the way open to him, physically, emotionally, and mentally........ and it is an incredibly freeing and sexy thing for me.  Storm knows this and so it is all of those things to him, too.  And then when I reach that point of no return, the ultimate surrendering of my body to his, boy does he love that and talks it out of me sometimes in his sex voice where he knows he is about to give his wife the ultimate pleasure and he''s proud of it , "Yeah, Babe, that's it, come on......."    And I do.

I don't want to be invulnerable.  I do want to be a strong woman, but I don't want to be one that is incapable of being emotionally moved by Storm or by my close friends and family.  I get myself into trouble when I put up walls....... I am the most guilty of this with very close friends so I do have to be careful with that defense mechanism.  It is not good if I go quiet.  My good friends know this.  It is not an offensive strategy or manipulation on my part.  It's a temporary shut down until I process the feelings and thoughts that I need to.  And sometimes I wait until they reassure me in some way and then I feel safer to open up and trust them with my feelings.

I'm not crazy about feeling naked or exposed, but I do want to be able to live my life and have a few relationships where I allow myself to be unguarded.  Because why should I have to have a protective shell over myself with friends and loved ones who I trust?   I can't give of myself if I am closed off.  It doesn't mean I share everything, but I share what fits the friendship and the situation and the level of comfortability  we have with one another.  Except for Storm, because with him, I do share everything, "To infinity and beyond," to quote a wise man named Buzz Lightyear.

What are your feelings about vulnerability?  Are they good, bad, or a mixture of both?