Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Introduction of Whatever This Is - Our Dynamic

Around 2009'ish (neither of us recall the exact timing!) , I felt that I wanted my husband, Storm, to spank me within a disciplined relationship.  I had been researching the following topics: spanking your wife, wife spanking, wife submitting.... you know, those innocent kinds of things. Oh, and I want to be dominated.<<grin>>  I was looking for articles, journals, surveys, anything, to read that would tell me that other married couples spank and why and how! I do want to explain that what we had started out with and had done on and off over the years leading up to this point was probably a mild form of d/s in the bedroom with Storm spanking me as foreplay.  Not a teasing, playful kind of foreplay, but more dommy/subby.  It wasn't role play though either.......just kinky.  But as far as categorizing what we have been doing since around 2009, well, I am presently tired of analyzing all the definitions and these letters swirling in my head -- DD, D/S, BDSM, TTWD, and my very own WTI (Whatever This Is).  It is mind bending.  To me, there are shared elements among all of them.  So call it whatever you want once you get to know my history better.  Be sure to let me know if you come to any concrete conclusion.  ;)  Although Storm told me that he thinks we are more DIM.  I had never heard of this one before!  
Me, "What's DIM?"  
Storm, "Dong in Mouth."  
Yikes! I mean, "Yes, Sir!"  

From the time I found a very specific website until the time I decided to show it to Storm was only about one day.   The source of this so called domestic discipline is something I don't really want to even bring up, but I did swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God, when I signed up on Blogger, so here I go.  I found myself on a site, which is now defunct, written by someone called mrlovingdd.   Gasp!!! ...... Don't pass judgement, unless you're a saint, and you're not, because you're here reading my blog.   A few of you might even be repeat offenders.

The kind of articles I found were surprising. The topics were well covered. Some of the articles were about how to spank your wife, the importance of a warm-up and aftercare, the HOH being thorough, why some women want to submit and follow their husbands as the leaders in their homes, the energy flow from male to female, among others. I was fascinated. I have no idea why these things spoke to me except that I knew I wanted to feel what it is they were talking about. I had never seen anything like this.

I didn't have a plan or a presentation or an argument ready for Storm.  I just decided to show him that one website with no preparation, no written thoughts, questions, ideas, reservations, etc. The reason is because I completely trust him. I did feel vulnerable and I would have felt really stupid for a while if he had said he couldn't do this dd with me, but I felt it was worth a shot. The worst that would happen is that he would say he didn't think he could do this or that he thought it was odd or inappropriate. But, even still, I knew he wouldn't judge me and try to make me feel stupid. He would go on loving me and I would go on loving him and we'd still be happy. And he would still spank as foreplay, but just not in this new way.  

So how to tell him about this?  I felt weird, embarrassed, slightly nauseous, guilty, and  ..........turned on, if I am being honest and I may as well be since I'm already sworn in.   I gave him the web address and  then I ran and hid for about half an hour before I could face him again. I wasn't nervous because of the spanking, but I was nervous because of the kind of spanking it was. Storm spanking me as a prelude to sex was one thing, but spanking me because I wanted to actually be more submissive, to be disciplined to the point that was beyond sexually exciting.... Oh Gosh!  When I did go back and check on his progress, the expression on his face was one of interest and curiosity. It turns out, Storm thought of it as general kinkery.  But, it is not just a kink to him.  He said that reading the information and hearing me say that I was willing to be completely naked and bent over to let him spank me because I wanted to be more submissive, that I wanted to experience the feelings the articles were describing and be under his authority and leadership.... all of that was sexually appealing to him.

We read all the free information and threw out what didn't appeal to us. In our opinion, the content was on the strict end of the spectrum so we didn't want to incorporate everything we read on the site into our relationship. What did appeal to us was the explanations of reasons for the different kinds of spankings, the sort of catharsis a woman can feel after her husband has spanked her, stress relief, the message that a woman wanting to submit to her husband in body and in mind was actually okay, how the husband might feel being more dominant, etc.

I trusted him with this fragile piece of information that could have broken me in a very private place of my heart. I did not bring this to him because our marriage was troubled or boring.  I did not feel lost. I am home with him. He is the love of my life.  However, it continues to bring an intimacy to our relationship that absolutely takes my breath away. His, too. I sometimes look at him just a little bit differently, curiously.  This ability to lead and make his wants known has always been inside of him. He's just now letting more of that out. He is still working on it. I love the subtle changes I see in him. He likes the feel of those changes, I know. He likes the new softer side of me. Yes, we still enjoy goofing around and laughing our heads off together. It is not all serious business here in our home as you will see in some future posts. 

From this wife to my husband, submission is a gift I give to him every single day. And his loving dominance is the gift I receive in return. The result profoundly benefits us both.  My submission is made up of a dozen individual things that add up to being submissive overall. I can feel confident about those dozen acts, but then another thing comes along and I completely fail to yield to his authority. Starting out, I didn't know if I was capable of making the necessary changes in myself. Sometimes I still wonder. All I can do is keep working on it. I did know that this dd style of spanking would add some positive element to our bedroom life, how could it not?  
 But, I didn't know it would do so much more than that. I didn't have a clue as to the level of intensity we would feel afterwards and that the physical, emotional, and sexual awareness of each other would carry over from one day to the next, adding up to an overall feeling of submissiveness for me and dominance for him.  "Whatever This Is" isn't just about the spanking................but it doesn't hurt........ or does it?  

20 comments:

  1. Windy, when you write you really get into it with much thought and heart. I've found there are many different ways to cover HOH, DD's and all the rest. What we have found is what works best for us. I enjoy reading what others have found but not all fits in with our style. What you and Storm have found fits both of you and both are comfortable with it no matter what anyone calls it. I can read something and think I'd like to experience that and I'll mention it to Robyn. Mostly we communicate and tell each other our thoughts and feelings and go from there. Am I submissive to Robyn yes. Am I her slave NO. Do we have kinky sex play YES! Do I love her spanking me OMG YES! but that is us we love to explore and I think you and Storm also do a lot of exploring.
    archedone

    ReplyDelete
  2. Welcome back, AO! Thank you for coming back to read my (and sometimes Storm's) thoughts. You have just named your own brand of ttwd.... you said, "What Works for Us." WWFU ! Nice ! The communication between you and your gal is a lot of what makes your dynamic work and I am sure your relationship in general involves a lot of talking. Congrats on that and on expressing yourself to her so she can know your needs better. I'm glad she listens. Keep having fun!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Windy,

    Wow, what a wonderful post! I love your writing style and enjoyed learning more about you and Storm. I think we spend a lot of energy trying to define our dynamic. At the end of the day it's about each couple finding what works for them. Researching and taking what works for you and ditching what doesn't. Love your WTI!

    We started in a similar way to you, with spankings being bedroom activity only then decided we wanted to extend things beyond the bedroom and discoverd dd initially. Our dynamic has changed quite a bit over the years. It does seem to be an ever evolving thing.

    Glad you and Storm have found what works for you :)

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, fancy meeting you here, Roz! *wink* You are right that it's about each individual couple. It seems like you gals have that attitude, which is good because my way (and Storm's) way is not the only way. Interesting you guys started out very similarly to us. Wow! Yes, we have evolved, too, and we never know where that openness will take us next! Thanks so much for your helpful comments and for joining in the discussion once again. Hugs!!

      Delete
  4. Happy that you have found your niche with whatever letters you may use as description.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, there, Leigh! Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a sweet comment. I will most likely be referring to our dynamic as ttwd, but was just trying to share my thought process about all those dang letters and categories! LOL

      Delete
  5. Windy,
    I find it always so interesting to read about how a couple makes the choice to enter into a ttwd relationship. Your and Storm's story is like so many. Wives seek "something more" and present in some way to thier husbands. He in turn sees the benefits and says a big yes to giving it a try. The couple sees and lives the results and there you have it. I loved reading your getting started story. Thank you, Windy for sharing with all of us.
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Meredith! I do know you find the process of how we gals and our guys got started in all of this and I agree that it is interesting! There you go summing up my long post in just 4 sentences again! LOL! Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed reading our beginning story. I remember yours from your blog quite well and enjoyed it very much especially because of Meredith's special way of pulling this reader in ......

      Delete
  6. Loved reading about your journey, Windy!

    It was special to me as well to see the changes in Frank. Ella's Sam wrote a bit on her blog about lizard brain theory, which I connected with as an explanation of why this dynamic seems to appeal to our basic male and female natures ... you can have a read here if you want ... ellaeverafter0410.blogspot.ca/2015/10/sam-speaking-being-there-for-ella.html

    Yes, acronyms seem to rule the world here but you've got it sorted out - doing what works for you and Storm :>) ... nj ... xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, NJ! You know, I have that exact page of Ella's bookmarked already to go back to because I knew I would forget whose blog it was! So now you just reminded me, so thank you!! I have seen you gals mention the lizard brain thing and I must get in on the secret. LOL I'm glad you see precious changes in your Frank. And, yep, we're all still figuring this out! Thanks for coming by and reading my story. I liked your recent post about yours and Frank's story, too! Keep writing!

      Delete
  7. I never had to have ‘the conversation’ with Harry. We started out strictly for fun but somehow it morphed into ttwd by itself. Thank you for telling us more of your story. I like your ‘Whatever It Is’, it’s a good description.
    Rosie xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, really, Rosie??!! How AMAZING are you and Harry then!!!? Impressive! Thanks for reading my story and commenting! Love seeing you here! I am going to your blog right this second............ see you there!

      Delete
  8. Love this. Your story sounds a lot like mine. Just glad that we all found the way.... whatever we want to call it. I agree with you, submission is a gift it is not a game.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does it, Blondie?? How interesting! Very good point that it is not a game. I'm glad we all found our way, too. Happy to have found you gals, as well. :) Thank you so much for reading about our beginnings and for leaving lovely comments.

      Delete
  9. Hi Windy-woo-hoo! What I love about this post is it gives people some real insight into how this kind of relationship can get started. I think it's really sad that many of us spent years desiring something but were too afraid to speak about it. Your post might just encourage someone to speak up and get what he or she wants!
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHA, love the woo-hoo! Thank you for your insight here, Amy. It makes me very sad when I think about the yearning we all had and that others still have it. And if my story helps even one person open up and go for it, then that makes me very happy. I'm so glad Storm is doing this with me and I am so very grateful that I found you lady bloggers. FINALLY!

      Delete
  10. Hi, Windy. Thank you for sharing. It is always so great when we get to see how other's start out. :) I love that part most of all. :) EsMay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi there, Esmay!! It is my pleasure to share and yes, I find it quite fascinating how you gals started out, too! We love hearing each others' stories. Thank you for reading and sharing a most thoughtful comment. I appreciate your kind words. :)

      Delete
    2. Have to admit, we're a WTI too. LOL A little bit of everything, and not any one thing completely. :)

      Delete
    3. Hahaha Yay! I guess a lot of us a little bit country and a little bit rock-n-roll ?!! LOL !

      Delete

Your comments are welcome. Please be kind and I will do the same.