Depends on your definition of horrible. By most standards, I would think I'd be pretty bad. But, if the HOH is supposed to be picking up on everything his wife is doing wrong, then I would be very good at that. However, if you don't like to be micro-managed...... then I would be awful at it. And would I ever show mercy? Pffft. That would be like me playing shortstop back in my day and not thinking, Hit the ball to me. I dare you. Come on, right here., anywhere between 2nd and third base. And then the batter swings and connects with the ball because our pitcher really was a belly itcher ......and I dive to my left , one awesome feeling at the timing of this as the ground knocks my cap off and the ball catches in my glove and it snaps shut with a tiny but firm squeeze of my left hand, a quick stand and a twist to right my body, and then the delivery of the ball to first base (we really did have a great first baseman so credit to her also). Yeah, that's what I thought. You are so out!! Now go sit down!!!! See what I mean? Not very nice.
Although I am currently working on it, I don't even give myself many mental breaks some days. As a matter of fact, I do not care for one of the women that lives inside my brain. (You know there is more than one in there!) Well, this particular one insults me all the time. If I could do it safely and with no pain, I'd get the red Dirt Devil with that long skinny attachment tool, shove it in my ear, and suck her out .....headfirst. (I am not sure which ear to vacuum first as I don't know which side of my head she lives in and I should find out before I accidentally frack my skull and end up letting all the other toxic shrews who live in there leak out with their verbal inappropriateness and horrible timing.)
Thank heavens I have recently discovered Windy who is my most favorite gal that lives in my head. I find it interesting that although the name Windy is fake, who she is and how far she has brought me in such a short time that would have taken months and months of some kind of therapy to talk out and not even there would it be safe to talk about getting spanked ........ I really like her, which is incredible and stunning and soul shaking because sometimes we women can be kind of (or very) hard on ourselves.
Which brings me to why I feel I would make a horrible HOH. My wife would drive me insane. Verbally vomiting all over me every day and telling me all about her friends and their problems ......... no thanks! Gas is 3 cents cheaper. Whatever. Tell me when it's 2 dollars cheaper. The neighbor's Great Dane pooped in our yard and I stepped in it... okay, that I would want to know because it's funny. Betty made us muffins, yeah we'll use them as door stops. Oh and if I had a wiener, it would be in her mouth all the time. For sex and to just shut her up so I can become one with rest of the game I'm watching on t.v. in silence. And moody...... really, you have to tell me you started your monthly again? That happens every 28 days for the past 25 years, do you have to keep telling me? Besides, you're a crab, so I know you have it. You hurt my feelings.. Ugh! I'm just sitting here! Oh, and the spanking? I'm not sure it would turn me on but her butt would be bright pink every dang day, I can tell you that much and the next day there would probably be a little bit of evidence that I had been there the previous day.
Thank God that Storm doesn't say any of those kinds of things and I would imagine your HOH doesn't either. He is gentle and kind and thorough..... and patient with me as I keep practicing my submission. Not giving me too many new rules at one time so that I can adjust and not be completely overwhelmed. Storm and I only have a couple of signals currently..... his hand on the back of my neck, which makes me immediately feel all ..........jello-y and feminine and dominated. Yummy. This can happen anywhere, like in the car or in the kitchen or while we're eating dinner at the counter..... and as of very recently, it can be during a spanking. This did interesting things to my lady garden. And, amazingly, I just now remembered that this occurred and so this was not one of those this is going on the blog moments when it happened. But it somehow found its way here anyway! We also have two verbal warnings such as "Be kind to yourself" when one of those shrews in my head loses control of her tongue...... and the slightly more serious, "There will be consequences," (but still kind of a turn on so, yay!). And he has told me that if we had more privacy in our home, that he'd have me naked a lot and my butt would be pink every day. And as far as the wiener in the mouth thing goes, I already take great care of his although I did just spell it wrong and had to fix it because I couldn't let the big guy forget it's "I before E except after C."
However, if I were an HOH, I would have more signals than a third base coach throwing junk signals at the player in the batter's box. If I grab one of my earlobes, it means listen. Swipe an eyebrow with my finger means I will give you something to cry about. Pulling on my lower lip means watch your mouth. Clap the hands once means you're getting spanked tonight. Clap them three times means you won't be able to sit down afterwards. Smile big and show my teeth means just kidding ignore all previous signals. Grabbing my crotch like Michael Jackson ..... well that one is self explanatory. Thumb and forefinger to the rim of my baseball cap, and yes, I'm wearing one, but it's hot pink like the color of her rear end, means you're doing all right, lady, keep up the good work. The Nyuk Nyuk signal simply means we're watching the Three Stooges tonight. And then just to keep her on her toes, I would change the signals every day because that's how you play the game.
So be glad I am not your HOH and believe me, I wouldn't want to be my own either!