Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Why I Would Make a Horrible HOH

Depends on your definition of horrible.  By most standards, I would think I'd be pretty bad.   But, if the HOH is supposed to be picking up on everything his wife is doing wrong, then I would be very good at that. However, if you don't like to be micro-managed...... then I would be awful at it.  And would I ever show mercy?  Pffft.  That would be like me playing shortstop back in my day and not thinking, Hit the ball to me.  I dare you.  Come on, right here., anywhere between 2nd and third base.  And then the batter swings and connects with the ball because our pitcher really was a belly itcher ......and I dive to my left , one awesome feeling at the timing of this as the ground knocks my cap off and the ball catches in my glove and it snaps shut with a tiny but firm squeeze of my left hand, a quick stand and a twist to right my body, and then the delivery of the ball to first base (we really did have a great first baseman so credit to her also).  Yeah, that's what I thought.  You are so out!!  Now go sit down!!!!  See what I mean?  Not very nice.

Although I am currently working on it, I don't even give myself many mental breaks some days.  As a matter of fact, I do not care for one of the women that lives inside my brain.  (You know there is more than one in there!)  Well, this particular one insults me all the time.  If I could do it safely and with no pain, I'd get the red Dirt Devil with that long skinny attachment tool, shove it in my ear, and suck her out .....headfirst.   (I am not sure which ear to vacuum first as I don't know which side of my head she lives in and I should find out before I accidentally frack my skull and end up letting all the other toxic shrews who live in there leak out with their verbal inappropriateness and horrible timing.)

Thank heavens I have recently discovered Windy who is my most favorite gal that lives in my head.  I find it interesting that although the name Windy is fake, who she is and how far she has brought me in such a short time that would have taken months and months of some kind of therapy to talk out and not even there would it be safe to talk about getting spanked  ........  I really like her, which is incredible and stunning and soul shaking because sometimes we women can be kind of (or very) hard on ourselves.

Which brings me to why I feel I would make a horrible HOH.  My wife would drive me insane.  Verbally vomiting all over me every day and telling me all about her friends and their problems ......... no thanks!  Gas is 3 cents cheaper.  Whatever. Tell me when it's 2 dollars cheaper.  The neighbor's Great Dane pooped in our yard and I stepped in it... okay, that I would want to know because it's funny.  Betty made us muffins, yeah we'll use them as door stops.  Oh and if I had a wiener, it would be in her mouth all the time. For sex and to just shut her up so I can become one with rest of the game I'm watching on t.v. in silence.  And moody......  really, you have to tell me you started your monthly again?  That happens every 28 days for the past 25 years, do you have to keep telling me?  Besides, you're a crab, so I know you have it.  You hurt my feelings.. Ugh! I'm just sitting here!  Oh, and the spanking?  I'm not sure it would turn me on but her butt would be bright pink every dang day, I can tell you that much and the next day there would probably be a little bit of evidence that I had been there the previous day.

Thank God that Storm doesn't say any of those kinds of things and I would imagine your HOH doesn't either.  He is gentle and kind and thorough..... and patient with me as I keep practicing my submission.  Not giving me too many new rules at one time so that I can adjust and not be completely overwhelmed.  Storm and I only have a couple of signals currently..... his hand on the back of my neck, which makes me immediately feel all ..........jello-y and feminine and dominated.  Yummy. This can happen anywhere, like in the car or in the kitchen or while we're eating dinner at the counter..... and as of very recently, it can be during a spanking.  This did interesting things to my lady garden.  And, amazingly, I just now remembered that this occurred and so this was not one of those this is going on the blog moments when it happened.  But it somehow found its way here anyway!  We also have two verbal warnings such as "Be kind to yourself" when one of those shrews in my head loses control of her tongue...... and the slightly more serious, "There will be consequences," (but still kind of a turn on so,  yay!).   And he has told me that if we had more privacy in our home, that he'd have me naked a lot and my butt would be pink every day.  And as far as the wiener in the mouth thing goes, I already take great care of his although I did just spell it wrong and had to fix it because I couldn't let the big guy forget it's "I before E except after  C."

However, if I were an HOH, I would have more signals than a third base coach throwing junk signals at the player in the batter's box.  If I grab one of my earlobes, it means listen.  Swipe an eyebrow with my finger means I will give you something to cry about.  Pulling on my lower lip means watch your mouth.  Clap the hands once means you're getting spanked tonight.  Clap them three times means you won't be able to sit down afterwards.  Smile big and show my teeth means just kidding ignore all previous signals.  Grabbing my crotch like Michael Jackson ..... well that one is self explanatory.  Thumb and forefinger to the rim of my baseball cap, and yes, I'm wearing one, but it's hot pink like the color of her rear end, means you're doing all right, lady, keep up the good work. The Nyuk Nyuk signal simply means we're watching the Three Stooges tonight.  And then just to keep her on her toes, I would change the signals every day because that's how you play the game. 

So be glad I am not your HOH and believe me, I wouldn't want to be my own either!


20 comments:

  1. I love this Windy, it's always fun to imagine what we would do if we were HoH lol. I don't think I would make a good one either! Love your baseball analogy and signals :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi,Roz! Thank you! I am so glad you enjoyed this... a little bit more of the true me coming out in this post. Storm liked the baseball signals, too.... especially the swipe of the eyebrow one! LOL! You'd make a bad HOH, too, huh? haha Thanks for reading and supporting me as always. Love reading your feedback, too! Hugs!

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  2. Not sure I understand all the multiple personalities explored in this post, but I heartily agree with "Be kind to yourself." I need to practice that every day.

    Ella

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    1. Ella, think of the inner dialogue you have with yourself when you're making a decision about something..... the pros, the cons, looking at things from a different angle, how you might do something differently than someone else..... or even differently than you would normally do yourself if you're having a bad day......

      1) In this post, the athlete is me. I am sharing how I would be too hard on myself if I was my own HOH instead of Storm and how good he is for me.
      2) Windy is obviously a made up name, but I am loving my time here in TTWD land and writing... soul searching ..... all those are things that I have not been able to do in a very long time. And so this is a very healthy part of me with thoughts that I want to be having about myself instead of negative ones.
      3) At the ending, I am being the hypothetical HOH again and my "wife' is in the batter's box..... giving signals.... having fun with the baseball analogy.

      Hope that helps!

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  3. Windy,
    I love when you say "practicing my submission" and I love hearing about your gentle, loving guy. He is your best cheerleader for sure. He is always wanting what is best for you especially when he says not to be so hard on yourself. Now about the voices in your head, just ignore them all and center on what pleases your man. Great post, Windy.
    Meredith

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    1. Yes, my Storm is a keeper. It is an honor to be his wife.... and one that is working on submission to him that is long overdue. He likes the creative and sassy voices in my head.... just not the negative ones. I am a work in progress for sure as I struggle with that being hard on myself as you know. Thanks for reading and commenting. I always eagerly anticipate what you have to say, Meredith!!

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  4. I think all our guys are better at being HOH than any of us would be. I completely understand the gang living in your head. I used to call two of mine Wimpy and Badass. Badass always wanted to be spanked and she would stir things up then leave poor Wimpy to take the actual spanking. (Badass is a bitch) My head finally got so crowded it spilled out Cassie, Sue, Annie, Allie, Jenny, Lily...

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    1. I agree, PK! And we make better submissive wives than they would! LOL! So glad you get all the different points of view that come from inside our own heads! Love the names....you have me cracking up! And you swore on my blog before even I did! Hilarious! I do need to get to know Cassie and the other gals in your head !! I was looking on Barnes and Nobles yesterday for the one you recommended..... that it is a frustrating site with the digital availability with a lot of authors... I always look forward to your comments. Thanks, PK!!

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  5. Oh...the voices in my head...always nice to know I am not alone in that. As a baseball fan, (go Red Sox)..I love this analogy. It did not take me long to realize that being an HOH is not an easy task..it is a hard 'job'. hugs abby

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    1. Abby, I am so relieved you get this baseball analogy..... I should have known as I read your "Open Letter to the Red Sox" post a couple of weeks ago. LOL!! And you're right, as much as we laugh and goof about things, the HOH job cannot be an easy one, that is for certain. Thanks for reading and commenting and letting me know that I am not crazy! Hugs!!!

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  6. This post makes me laugh. I bet Storm found it funny too. I understand about the voices in your head, I have a few that I would like to vacuum out. I would not be a good HoH either because I don't like being the heavy.

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    1. Hi, Blondie! So happy to hear it made you laugh! YAY! Yes, Storm thought it was funny. He said he liked the eyebrow signal, "I'll give you something to cry about" the best. I also read the first paragraph to a family member of course without any spanking/hoh references and even that person cracked up. So fun! Thank you for understanding about those naughty voices in my head! Glad to hear you have them, too, but not really. You know what I mean. LOL! "Being the heavy." I like the way you said that. I always look forward to you reading and commenting, Blondie! Thank you!!!!!!

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  7. Oh,my goodness, this cracked me up in such a good way. We definitely can be self defeating with those voices in our heads. Let me know if you've successfully sucked the worst one out, maybe it'd be something everyone would love to learn about.

    As far as being an HOH, I do not want that job! Uh uh, no way, not going to happen here.
    Great post!
    --Baker

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    1. Baker....laughing.... so I get to be the test dummy with the vacuum and let you know how that turns out, huh? LOL! You don't need other job, girl. The next job on your list should be to get some sleep! :) And a spanking.... if you like that sort of thing. ha! Thanks for reading my silly post and having fun with us all here, Baker! Thanks!

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  8. As I read this I think, did you just teach the mighty Storm how to be an HOH like you would be? Might be in a line for a taste of your own medicine? The hand signals are funny and yet, we would all understand them! No explanation necessary.
    Amy

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    1. I am really laughing out loud at your question/comment, Amy! Well, Storm just said from the next room over, "Did you see Amy comment on your post?" So not only has he read this post, he has read what YOU just said. LOL!!! Storm is much too strong and of high character to ever be the kind of inappropriate HOH that I would be to myself. But, is he picking up on this HOH stuff more than I ever thought he would? Pffft. YES!! And, so as I sit here typing this, I can still actually "feel" that taste of my own medicine. ;) Glad you liked the hand signals. That was fun to write! Thanks for your very interesting input and funny contributions, as always, Amy!!

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  9. Golly, Windy, you made my head spin! I have no idea how baseball works, I don’t have a sporty bone in my body and, besides, we play cricket over here in Blighty. Having been a manager of people most of my working life, I think I’d make a pretty good HoH. Would I want to? Not on your life!
    Rosie xx

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    1. Aww, Rosie! Hi! I'm sorry I spun your head. lol Pitcher = bowler. Batter = Batsman. 9 players instead of 11. Diamond shaped field instead of Rectangular shape. That's all I know about cricket! You sound like you'd make a great HOH due to your management of people, but I don't blame you for not wanting to be one. Anyway, I was just making up silly signals that the batsman would be trying to understand from her coach as to how to hit the ball..... but used funny ttwd type reasons for those signals! Always great to see you here and everywhere! Thanks for adding to the fun! Hugs!

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  10. Windy you simply must give some kind of warning prior to your posts. Something like fasten your seat belts so you don't fall off your chair laughing. I actually had tears in my eyes reading this, mainly because it's so true. I think we all have many people hiding in our heads and what they tell us to do can lead to a sore and red bottom. And how did they get in there? Did someone leave the door open?
    archedone

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    1. AO, you do need a seat belt as you seem to get a huge kick out of my sense of humor. LOL So consider yourself warned. Those voices... yes, someone left the barn door open! Storm is forever chasing mine off with a stick. :) Always lovely to see you here, AO. Thank you for joining me and Storm in the fun of a post like this one! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, as well !!

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