Sunday, August 5, 2018

Eaten by a Bear

I would like to expand upon something I mentioned in a post last week.  I mentioned that Storm and I were in a home improvement store and he was testing a dowel rod against the palm of his hand. I suspected that some security guards in the back room were mostly likely going to see this on camera and think, "Dang, that lady is going to get her rear end beat tonight."  This was initially funny, but then I started to get a little concerned about that true life situation.  Okay, so what if the security guards were looking at Storm and me on video and were having a laugh at our expense.  I'm sure they've seen funnier and worse.  But, here's the thing........

What if I suddenly go missing?  You know the police are going to start checking local video tape to track my last known whereabouts ......and who I was with....... and what we were purchasing.......  see where I am going with this?  Laughing.  Poor Storm would be under suspicion at my disappearance. But, then I would think, wait, my blogging friends would come to his defense and explain the whole thing.  Yeah right.  Y'all would take down your blogs and delete all evidence of having been anywhere I had been online these past few months. You would also delete all emails and then set your hard drive on fire. (This is fine as long as you're not running for President.)  Just don't forget to put a really good password on your phone and don't tell anyone what it is and do not write it down either.  Apple won't give up the goods to the FBI.  But Storm would be screwed because neither would you.  And all that really happened is one of two things.  1) I was actually eaten by a bear while fishing at the creek  2) Bears don't live around here, but Sasquatch do.  And a big one got me while I was fishing because he did indeed want my 32 inch salmon that I had caught. But he doesn't eat me.  He just kidnaps me and makes me be his back woods wife and centuries later,  it will have been discovered somehow that I taught him how to make fire and that I had given birth to several of his very hairy children.  But you know what they would also discover?   My writings that I did in those back woods for all those years and they would include stories about blog land and all of this spanking stuff and I will have told on you from the dead because you all didn't help look for my missing ass.  You won't care because you won't be on earth by then anymore either.  But all of our great, great, great, great grandkids would learn that their descendants sometimes behaved like Neanderthals in the bedroom.  Some of us were hairy and some were not.

18 comments:

  1. Lol Windy, I love the picture you paint. What a great to read on a Sunday evening. BTW, I'm sure we wouldn't throw you under the bus. Oh wait, is that what happened to you? we would leap to Storm's defence...um...probably lol.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi, Roz! HA! Under the bus?!! Thanks, a lot! Yeah, you fib, you would all hide and I know it! hahaha Glad you liked the story! Hugs! Windy

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  2. Lol Windy... when I read the title this is not what I had in mind.... ;)

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    1. Jlynne,
      Sorry to disappoint! You might want to check someone else's blog for that kind of a post?! Laughing! I could maybe suggest a couple, but I think you know more than I do anyway! HA! Thanks for reading! Hugs! Windy

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  3. Kidnapped by a Sasquatch, eh? .... I'm a believer ... once, on a long drive home, as I rounded a corner on a windy country highway, I saw a very tall, slightly stooped, dark human shape, lumber out of the woods on one side of the highway, cross the highway and head back into the woods on the other side .... true story, cross my heart ... so if you ever disappear, I'll tell them 'the big guy' did it ;))) ... nj ... xx

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    1. Hi, NJ! Girl, we must talk. I LOVE Big Foot stuff! There was no wine involved, I know, because you weren't on the deck that night.. hehe Thanks for having my back and being willing to step forward for Storm and blame the Sasquatch!! hahaha Hugs! Windy

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  4. Have you been watching too much NCIS? Lol
    Amy

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    1. All right, Amy, you made me laugh out loud!! I do watch all those scary kind of shows both fiction and nonfiction! LOL! I fall asleep to that one guy's voice on Forensic Files..... laughing! Hugs! Windy

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  5. Kidnapped huh??..lately somedays I wish, but not by some hairy monster...strange, but love the way your creative mind works. hugs abby

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    1. Hi, Abby! You have been missed here in blog land! Don't think I've been called strange in any way ever, but there is always a first! LOL! You do seem to understand most of what I write though and I do appreciate that very much! Hope you get kidnapped by your man whether he is hairy or not. Thanks, Abby! Hugs! Windy

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  6. When I read the title of your post that appeared on my blog roll, I thought immediately that Storm must be the Bear to which you referred. How wrong I was! Started to laugh thinking of you writing posts in a cave as the wife of Sasquatch. Storm would find you, I am sure!

    Hugs From Ella

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    1. Hi, Ella! Aww, I love that you said Storm would find me for sure! I think you are right! He would come looking for his woman and outsmart that Sasquatch somehow and drag me home caveman style! HAHA Now, I have to go sharpen my flint or whatever it is that is used to write on the rock walls of caves....... Thanks, Ella! Hugs! Windy

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  7. Windy, you do have a vivid imagination! Don’t worry about Storm though. If you were eaten by a bear, presumably your blog would still be up and, as he has access to it, he would be able to show the cops just how much you love being spanked and what a loving husband he is. We’d all be off the hook then, no need for a mass shutdown. We’d miss you though!
    Rosie xx

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    1. Rosie, you make me laugh and I love your logic! Well, good thing we're just into spanking and won't be seen on those video tapes buying zip ties, duct tape, and all that kind of stuff, right? Regarding my imagination, there is a lot of time to think while I am fishing.... including a bear or a weird human sneaking up on me! Thanks for saying you'd miss me! Laughing! I will be over to your post soon. I am slow today. Hugs! Windy

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  8. oh my goodness! :-) fortunately most people do not take the time to notice anything that happens around them. If they did by some chance notice the rod it would be because they were thinking of the same uses as your bear...probably would not lead to accusing him of your mysterious disappearance...but now that I know where you will probably be I will make sure to try to come and find you in the woods... of course then I will be lost and there will be two of us missing so perhaps not a good idea. :-) thanks for the smile

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    1. Terps, Laughing.... "they were thinking the same uses as your bear" hahhaa Maybe I should become a security tape watcher..... oh the stories I could come up with as to what each person was doing in each aisle and why!! I love how you just added to my story by coming to look for me and then being lost alongside me! Laughing! However, if you found me, we could overtake the Sasquatch together and get away. Unless he was a really good spanker, then we'd both want to stay!! Woo! Thanks, Terps! Hugs! Windy

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  9. Windy,

    Again, you always surprise me and I wonder what is going on in that head of yours............... your very itelligent head with its wild imagination! I would travel near and far to find you if you were missing. And I mean that! However Storm would be right there. You do write with such imagination, it wears me out. I love our friendship and want no bears to ever interfer. Trust me, you are not suddenly going missing. That is not happening on my watch.
    Meredith

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    1. Hi, Meredith!
      Well, you don't have to wonder for long what is going on in my head as it usually makes its way to you in one form of writing or another. HA! So glad to hear you would lace up your hiking boots and come look me! Would be interesting to see you scold the bear as he would also be on the wrong end of your walking stick! Thanks for looking out for me in real life and imaginary! Thanks for adding to the fun here! Laughing! Hugs! Windy

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