Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Relax

A few weeks ago, I received the exact same piece of advice from three separate sources within a 12 hour period.  The first was from someone who knows me fairly well, the second has no idea that I even exist on the face of the planet, and the third came through some reading that I was doing. It should be noted that in all three cases, I wasn't asking for advice at the time, but apparently I didn't need to because it just kept coming my way. The good advice that I have received is just one simple, but powerful word:  Relax.

Google (who probably stole it from Webster).... defines the word "relax" as   "to make less tense or anxious."  Oh, I like that one. Yes, more of that in my life, please and thank you. This makes me think of taking a big breath but in two different ways.  One is to do it on purpose using the 4-7-8 method.  You can Google that one, or maybe they traded information with Webster, and he has it, I do not know.  This will slow the heart rate and calm my butt down.  But, the other kind of taking a deep breath to me just happens naturally. When Storm is spanking me there is a point usually at least several minutes into the spanking as I am bent over and my upper body relaxes. Again, I am not consciously aware of this until......... there just comes from me this deep breath and then I completely sink into the bed..... and I am thinking about the spanking......yes....... yes....... Something just feels completely right. (I am not talking about spankings where I am being disciplined. Those are NOT relaxing, but the before and the after can be, as can the role affirmation and stress relief kind.)

Did you know that we're not supposed to tense up before an orgasm ?  I read that when you start to feel your way going up to the peak, instead of tensing your muscles and then relaxing upon explosion, to actually relax on the way up and during and that it makes it much stronger.  It works when I remember to do it.  YIKES!

The second definition is "to make a rule or restriction less strict without abolishing it."  Hmmm.  I sometimes get my hopes up that Storm will subtract some from the "tally" that he is keeping in his mind of my infractions if I think the number is getting a little high for my liking.  I may perform a sweet task for Storm whether it is something I often do or rarely do, and he appreciates, but then I ask him, "Subtract 5 from the tally?"  Him, "No."   I recently asked him why I got in trouble for one minor thing but not a different fairly minor thing. He said "It is the referee's call.  It's subjective."  Well, hand that man a whistle and a black and white striped shirt! (Rosie, that is a referee in a basketball game.)  He actually told me just today when I kiddingly lipped off at him, "Watch your mouth." Holy crap. That is a new one.  GEEZE.  It startled me.  I asked him, "Wait, do we say that in our ttwd?"  And he said, "Would you rather I just hold up my finger and then that way you know you earned a fiver (set of five) like I have been doing?"  Me, "Yes."  My eyebrows are drawn together as I type this.  I was not being mean with what I said that warranted the "watch your mouth" comment from him.  I was teasing him, but he is trying to be more dominant, so I get it.  But I don't like that phrase. Mothers say that phrase.  My mother said it.  I said it as a mother, too.  Of course, he can correct me, and he does, but I haven't just given him a blank page regarding my submission and so if something makes me uncomfortable, I will say something respectfully.  Notice that I asked him if we say that in twwd.  I did not tell him that we don't say it.  Perhaps it would have been better for me to have said nothing at all, but remember that just as he is practicing his dominance and I am still practicing my submission.

The third definition is "to make something less firm or tight."  Uh-oh. You know where this one is going, don't you?  Like less tight as in after-giving-birth-less-tight?  OH GOSH.  I recently saw an ad online for bras with very kind names for our breasts.  It called my saggy avocado-shaped breasts, "Relaxed boobs."  Oh, then let me tell you that my girls are quite relaxed.  Comatose, in fact. Oh, except when Storm pays them attention, then they perk up a little bit.

If you've done very much reading here at all, then you know how calm my Storm is and yes I still find it funny and ironic that I named him Storm.  When have we ever checked the weather radar and thought, "Oh, I am so happy a storm is coming through here?"  Storm doesn't go around the house, following me, badgering me, telling me what to do when I am all stressed.  He knows that a squeeze to the back of my neck helps me.  He hugs me a lot when I approach him.  And he will say soft, soothing, wise words when he's holding me after I say this common phrase to only him and no one else in my life, "Talk me down, Honey," when I am worried about A,B, and C or about A thru Z.

There is also a big breath and a sigh of relief that I have noticed that does not occur in me, but occurs in Storm.  It happens any time he is sitting in his office working at his desk and I approach him from behind.  I can rub his shoulders and massage his neck or just start caressing him and begin stroking his hair.  After just a minute or two, I feel his body relax and then I hear a breath kind of go out of him at the same time.  I love when that happens.  He's relaxing from my touch despite my anxious mind or actions. Those don't matter when I approach him like that. I don't know if he realizes this actually happens as I have never asked him.  But, almost always after I am done touching him in such a way he will say, "I like it when you touch me." I like it, too.

So pass it on, my friends.  Whether you say the word, hear the word, feel or help someone else feel the word, may we all take a big ole deep breath and ........ relax............

22 comments:

  1. I am taking a relaxing breath right now as I begin my day. :-) It seems like people say that word to me often...mostly people in my family...even when I myself think I already am relaxed...so either they don't know what they are talking about or I worry to muck without being conscious of it. Either way, I will try to relax more. :-) Hope you have a relaxing day! Hugs

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    1. Hi, Terps! I thought that said you were taking a relaxing bath right now. LOL! Breath... got it.... Yes, you have some relaxing writings and ideas on your blog. I would think you are a relaxed person! Laughing your family thinks otherwise. I am hardly ever truly relaxed unless I am ASLEEP. Interestingly, I did not have a relaxing day at all. Again, need to take my own advice. Thanks, Terps for your helpful and funny comments! Hugs! Windy

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  2. Fabulous Windy, I love this! There is nothing like the moment that deep breath escapes you and you feel yourself relax. Love your definitions. I'm with you on the third definition,had to giggle at the bra for 'relaxed boobs' lol.

    I agree with you too that if something said doesn't feel right you should say something.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi, Roz! The part of my body I want to relax (brain) do not..... and the ones I do not want to relax (boobs and neither regions) DO ! BLAH! Yeah, I can tell Storm if something feels off..... hard to with anyone else though as I just feel really awful! Thanks, Roz, for the laughs and your great input! Hugs! Windy

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  3. Good thoughts Windy! I do the 4-7-8 breathing a lot! Mostly at night while hubby is deep asleep! I so wish I didn’t get thoughts in my head that circle and circle back! Now I can wake him so that his arms pull me in and that helps too.
    You guys have such intuitive responses to one another and it makes me smile.
    I love the O idea of relaxing on the way up......:)

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    1. Hi, Minelle! Good to hear you do that breathing technique! I use it, but not often enough. Our thoughts do tend to have cycles that drive us nuts! So glad your Scottsman can hold you tight with his arms at night. Storm lets me put my cold feet on his legs to warm up! HA! Like that O idea, huh? It works! OOOOhhh! Thanks for the fun and sweet reply! Hugs! Windy

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  4. Very wise words Windy. We all need to find some time during our busy lives to just RELAX! Thank you for sharing this post. Hope you have a nice relaxing day.

    Hugs Lindy xx

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    1. Hello, Lindy! I hope you are having a relaxing day yourself. I need to take my own advice. Thanks, Lindy for your comments! Hugs! Windy

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  5. I love this Windy! I spend a lot of time telling myself to take a breath. Sometimes, that is all you need to let go and trust.

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    1. Thanks! I need to take my own advice like I said! Thanks! Windy

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  6. Relaxing is the one thing I am really, really good at. When on the rare occasion I'm not relaxed I make sure I appear relaxed. The one thing that truly makes me go off the deep end is when I am really mad or getting wound up about something is for someone to tell me to relax! As seldom as it happens, when it does I NEED to be mad or wound up and to tell me to calm down is extremely dangerous!

    I'm so glad you spoke up when you did. I hear that communication is the key to the whole TTWD lifestyle. I may even try it again someday.

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    1. Are you good at it PK? Wow! That is awesome! Maybe you will rub off on me then. Laughing at someone telling you to relax when you know you have reason not to be! GAH! Yeah, I wouldn't be telling you that! Yes, I did speak up because I am sensitive when it comes to Storm because he is so sweet, I got startled. Laughing! He responded gently and wonderfully, so I am blessed and safe with him. I will be here with you if and when you try it again someday or not! Thanks for sharing, PK! Hugs! Windy

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  7. Relaxing is so hard sometimes, especially when we get wound up at something. I think it's very important to speak up about words that bother us, they're not mind readers, so I'm sure that he definitely appreciated you being able to kindly express your opinion.

    --Baker

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    1. No mind readers here..... the verbal communication is so important in any marriage, but especially a ttwd one. Thanks! Windy

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  8. Good subject to bring up, Windy, I’m sure many of us could do with a bit more relaxation. Had to laugh at the relaxed boobs. It’s only in this stage of my life that I’m thankful for having a bust like two peas on a breadboard.
    Thanks for the tip about the basketball referee. I’d have known it was an umpire of some sort but not the game. I do watch some sport, have you ever looked at rugby players in their well-fitting kit?
    Rosie xx

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    1. Rosie, I so love the way you phrase things! Laughing at "2 peas on a breadboard." But, you do have the advantage now that we are older, I believe. I do not have very large ones either, but when I was nursing.... boy, did they get huge and then left me with empty bags later on in life! HA! Storm doesn't care! He sill likes them! Rugby... wow... you found a sport of which I do not understand the rules! But, they do have some nice athletic and strong bodies, yes!! Thanks for the laughs and your helpful comments, Rosie! Hugs! Windy

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  9. Windy,
    I learn so much from reading your posts. I have never once asked Jack to erase something from his scorecard. His steel trap mind keeps it all righ in his hoh brain. I will have to give that a try as the scorecard is filling right up. Now another interesting point you made was that you actually relax during a spanking. I have done that a few times because the spanking is a beloved good girl. With the paddle, I am certainyl not relaxed at all. Plus I am a squirmer, coming right out of those little socks. Relaxing is far from what I am doing. I relax when we have settled right up and I am in his arms feeling his leadership and dominance. I do love Storm's quick one liners, but how do you ever remember them when he is spanking?
    Meredith

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    1. Meredith,
      I would not suggest that you ask Jack to subtract anything. He will ADD just for asking and then you'll be saying, "Thanks a lot, Windy!" HA! I am still the entire time and I find it easier to concentrate on what he is saying and what I am supposed to be learning from this. I am also thinking Ow! OW! Ow! Ow! and clinching the sheets in my hands, too, but my bottom is relaxed.... I don't even tense it up....... I just take it. This is the way I learned to do it from day 1. Storm does tell me I sure do know how to take a spanking. Storm is not a big talker, so when he says something, no matter what it is, it stays with me, even more so if it is ttwd related. Thanks, Meredith, for adding great substance to this conversation here, for taking the time to read, absorb, contribute in a helpful way and a funny way, too! Hugs! Windy

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  10. I learned a couple of things from this post, Windy ... I googled the 4-7-8 breathing method as I'd never heard of it before and the orgasmic relax will definitely be something to try. My boobs relaxed years ago ... from a 'triple D' to a 'long' :))) I get the concept of relax during spanking but its not always easy for me to achieve ... I have to hit that submissive mindset first. However, my favourite definition of relax ... is to put my feet up and read a good book ... or blog ;)) ... nj ... xx

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    1. Hi, NJ! I do the 4-7-8 thing when I am in a panic and trying to get out of it.... it can help. I wish I would remember where I read the orgasmic relax part, but I can honestly say those have been some of the most powerful kind I have ever had. Woo! I completely understand having to "hit that submissive mindset first".... I agree, which is why I say several minutes into the spanking is when it begins to happen for me ..... you are exactly right in your description of it and I thank you for that!! Laughing... yes, put your feet up, girl, read your books, blog,..... and spit out good wine when you're reading mine! Then report back here so we can all laugh! HA! Thanks, NJ, for some great thoughts here you have added. Laughing at your boobs becoming "Long." Another great description and a hilarious one at that! Hugs!!! Windy

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  11. Thank you, Windy. It is great to do a deep breath and just relax. I'm sorry I'm still laughing, your boobs are comatose. Relaxed boobs, eh? Well, that makes me feel a little better. ;)
    EsMay

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    1. Hi, EsMay! Don't be sorry! I wrote it because it's true AND it's funny!! LOL! And, yep, my boobs are snoozing right now as I type in bed with my laptop. One fell right and the other fell left and they're taking a nap. Thanks for deep breathing and then laughing with me! Hugs! Windy

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