Do you think there is some sort of connection between being submissive wives with the desire and the need to be spanked by our husbands and the idea that we are a very sensitive group of women? (Guys, if you're the submissive, spanked ones, you're included here, too.) I'm sure we don't all have the same level and type of sensitivity, but here are some synonyms that I believe are prevalent here in ttwd blog land: thoughtful, tactful, sympathetic, discerning, and compassionate. I name those so that everyone sees that I do not mean the word sensitive as any kind of insult whatsoever. While I do not believe that to be sensitive is to be anxious, I do think if you're anxious, you're sensitive. And by "you", I mean ME. But, feel free to join me if you feel that describes you, too.
From her Psychology Today article Coping with Anxiety as an HSP, author, Deborah Ward, comments, “Because Highly Sensitive People absorb so much stimulation from their environment, we are more susceptible to these feelings of anxiety. A recent study showed that people with a more sensitive ‘startle’ reflex, that is, highly sensitive people, are more susceptible to anxiety disorders because we have different genes than others, making it harder for us to deal with emotional arousal.”
I try very hard to take care of the emotions of the people that I sincerely care about. I know how to love..... as a wife, a mom, a daughter, and a friend. I am not responsible for their emotions or whether or not they have a good day or for their happiness, but as a highly sensitive person, I struggle not to take those kinds of feelings on. On a different level, I do feel somewhat accountable for Storm's happiness because we have chosen to tackle this life together, and while no one person has the complete ability to make another person happy, we certainly do play a big role in it with our significant others. Do you agree? Or no?
While I do feel that I know how to love deeply, unfortunately anxiety is a close second. I am a professional at it and I spend a lot of my day treading disquieted waters. Things that often scare me do not scare others. Sometimes I can explain it, sometimes I can't. Sometimes I want to, sometimes I don't. Does it come from one significant traumatic event? Repeated childhood traumas? Health struggles within our home? A mentally unstable parent or caretaker? Religious trauma? Hmmm. I'm not answering those questions even though I am the one who just wrote them!
My reaction to what I see or hear quickly manifests itself physically. I have vivid memories from the age of 9, siting at the top of our hallway stairs so many times I have lost count, praying and encountering feelings that I could not yet identify. (My parents were screaming at one another.) At first, flames lick at my heart, and smoke fills my chest. A sickening feeling claws its way up the back of my neck and my ears get hot……… and then it all falls to the pit of my stomach and settles in there achingly. My heart races for hours.
“Increasingly psychologists are recognising the strengths of anxious people. For example, there’s research showing that people more prone to anxiety are quicker to detect threats and better at lie detection. http://thecreativemind.net/419/to-be-more-creative-deal-with-anxiety/
No wonder why I don't trust the current administration. GEEZE!
I believe there is a particular kind of strength in sensitivity, although I think others often perceive it as weakness. For example, I think it takes great strength to be empathetic to other people whether they are strangers on the television news or personal friends. I think for we sensitive gals that it displays compassion and discernment to put the feelings of a loved one ahead of our own especially in an emotionally charged situation. I can go quickly from thinking I was the one who was hurt, but as soon as I hear a friend's voice and I recognize that she's hurt, my mission changes completely. That part isn't easy....... that shift........ but I can do it. So you'll apologize if you're not sorry? No, I would never do that because that would make me insincere and if I am any one thing in my life other than anxious, it is sincere. I may be a sincere idiot...... but, hey .....
If I have any doubts about weakness or strength, I often look to Storm. He is far from perfect as am I, but as he says to me often, “We make a good team, Babe.” I freak out, he stays calm. He’s too distracted or absorbed with learning everything he can every waking moment, I flash him some skin and get his attention. I also give him the space he needs to get back up to speed, but not too long because I hate it when he withdraws. Anyway…… Storm is meek…… humble……. Some might confuse his quietness with weakness. However, the loudest person isn’t necessarily the strongest person. In fact, the opposite is often true. And could it be that the anxious, sensitive gal who wants her husband to spank her just might be the most resilient?