Friday, January 11, 2019

What is TTWD Worth?

The waves are rough in Storm and Windy's world right now.  At one point during our emotionally charged discussion two nights ago , I asked him, "What do we do with this?  Do we bring TTWD along with us here in the middle of this or do we set it aside in this situation?"  I told him I was trying so hard to let him lead, but when it comes right down to matters of the serious urgent kind, I really struggle with this.  I'm a person at the table who comes up with the first idea..... and it's usually a decent one.  Storm sits back, observes, and then shares his well thought out ideas.  It is never a competition.  It's teamwork where we are equal members............ however, I want him to lead.  I do not want to have to take over the situation.  I certainly can, but I don't want to.

I'm thankful for the few hours of alone time we had tonight so sort all of this out and find solid ground together.  We almost always have to delay spankings due to lack of privacy.   So I will say that this more immediate from of TTWD worked well for me tonight and although things were very intense for a while here, there was no silence by me avoiding him. I did retreat to the bedroom because I just wasn't feeling well having been up half the night before.  In the past, this usually meant I was mad at him, walking away from him.  He doesn't get mad at me for this and he comes in after me  to talk, but I usually give him a hard time for a while first.  But, not this time. I didn't feel like playing the emotion card or I hate what you just said out there or whatever.  He came to me and started the conversation again, with strength and reassurance.  Then out came the spanking implement that he hasn't used in a while because he's getting so good at it with his hand now, it's painful enough!  But, this was more of a serious nature by far, so he wanted to get his points across.   Across my buns, that is.  

Halfway through, he asked me to stand and we hugged.  I am totally naked and he is not.   We've never brought this one specific area up in our TTWD before, but I will say it is something I couldn't tolerate in the past.  This time, I want to let TTWD in, and as the final decision maker, Storm agreed he thought it was best that we get on with it.  So it is during the break when he is holding me that I cry for the very first time during a spanking session.  It wasn't an ugly cry, but I did put my face in my hands.  "I'm so worried about this... I am trying to keep it together in front of the rest of the family.......  I'm sorry for whatever I said...... for ......"  He reassured me that he is right here, that we are in this together, that he will be here to keep us steady.......  and then he said let's finish up, so I bent back over.  I wouldn't classify Storm as a Lecturer,  He is more of a Reminder and a Soother.

 Afterwards, we stretched alongside one another in bed and talked softly in between comfortable and natural moments of silence for a few minutes.  Then I said, "Let me help relieve your stress, too."  And I scooted down the bed and tenderly began to touch and stroke him, which at first is not sexual.... it's just soft and feminine. He tells me, "I love it when you touch me."  

Tonight, for the very first time, I cried during a spanking.  Since we've been practicing for around 10 years, I"d say this is pretty significant.  It wasn't because it hurt, although it did.  It isn't something that I am proud of, but I'm not ashamed either.  I think I am still processing all of it.

Even more detailed communication between us took place over the next 24 hours and we have found ourselves clarifying and defining what "Bringing TTWD in" means specifically.      It's scary for me and we're swimming into uncharted waters, but what is TTWD really worth if we don't use it in difficult times?

24 comments:

  1. Windy,
    What an inpirational post! You and Storm brought ttwd into a diffiuclt sitaution. The spanking was rough and you cried. When it was over, there you two were supporting and loving one another now on the same page and he leading and you listening. That is exactly what happened to us when we were facing the wolf at our door in a big family situation. Those three spankings that happened were the worst of all the spankings, but when I finally leaned in, I realized he was leading and I was listening with a very sore backside. Yes, I, too, cried from those spankings and all those emotions. He would accept nothing less than my leaning in and following what he wanted. Those were hard times, but we came out on the other side. We were glad that the big wolf problem was allowed into ttwd discussions right there by the side of the bed.

    You and Storm can make your way in these uncharted waters because he is your compass and you know to follow his lead. That is why we do this thing called ttwd. I am thinking of you two as you figure things out together. Glad you brought ttwd in!

    Great post, Windy.

    Meredith

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    1. Meredith,
      Thank you for sharing your own experience here to encourage me to persevere through mine -- for making sure on my blog, on your blog, and behind the blog that I see that ttwd is worth it. This is the level of ttwd that I know I have needed all along and it is the one I spoke of in my very first email to you ever. I knew you and Jack had it, I just didn't know as much as I do now. You both earned it together as Storm and I are doing now. It's difficult sometimes, but it is worth it. Thank you for being right here for me through all of this, my friend. I appreciate you more than you'll ever know. Hugs, Windy

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  2. Oh. My. Word. Windy. That question at the end -- we've asked ourselves that so many times. This lifestyle is so fun and easy - when it's fun and easy. But the times when I'm struggling, when I'm tempted to say, "I really don't want to do this right now" -- are the very times when I need it the most. THAT'S when it does the what it was made to do - anchor, protect us (even from ourselves) and pull us back into focus.

    And I'm so happy for your breakthrough. It's a big one - tears aren't easy. It took me awhile too and I used to feel so guilty. I used to try to manufacture them, just because I didn't want to discourage Matt, or have him think that he was doing something wrong! (Crazy isn't it?) But oh....the first time they came on their own. Relief.

    And I like how you described how Storm came to you - with Strength and reassurance. Important characteristics for our men. Sounds like he knew exactly the balance you needed and delivered.

    Big Hugs -- shell

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    1. Shell,
      Yes, fun and easy until it's not! HA! You are right on when you say that sometimes when we don't want to do this is the very time when we DO need it. That happened just yesterday... one day AFTER this post. GAH! But, it's good.... we're working the heck out of this ttwd stuff and overall, it is so worth it. Laughing at you manufacturing tears to make your husband feel better, but it is sweet, too. Balance... yes, what a great word that describes what we're striving for! Thanks, Shell. Hugs, Windy

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  3. (big breath)

    Can I just add my thoughts on the subject? Before now - I was in a full 24/7 D/s relationship... ttwd was in our life fully all the time. After 15 years the relationship failed -- I won't go into the difficulty I had getting on my feet -- BUT what I do want to say is...... please make sure you never lose your voice..... it doesn't mean that you get to bicker and try and win -- allow Storm to have the final decision just don't lose your voice

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    1. Jumping in here a day or two before I respond to the other comments because of the seriousness of your concern in response to the seriousness of my post.

      Thank you for speaking for yourself, for me, and for all women here, MorningStar. Storm and I believe a woman should NEVER lose her voice, willingly give it up, or somehow be forced to be silent. If I gave you the impression in this post of anything other than that, then I apologize for scaring you.

      Storm is gentle. Always. ALWAYS. He is the most giving and sacrificial person that I know. He does not have the desire to take anything away from me and frankly, he wouldn't think it was healthy if I wanted to give him complete control over me. (The idea does not appeal to me in the least either!)

      Storm values my opinions and my ideas and for the most part, we really don't disagree on a whole lot to begin with. But, we are in a situation right now that is putting a ton of stress on me and I have asked for his help to get through it. I will have a voice, a very important one, but it won't be one that is yelling or disrespectful and I fully expect him to hold me accountable. My voice is smart, well thought out, passionate, compassionate, sometimes angry and definitely heard by Storm and the others that this situation involves ?? --YES!

      Thanks for your concern, MorningStar. I promise you do not need to worry at all. Storm and I always have each other's best interest at heart and we would never emotionally or physically or mental hurt one another. Hugs, Windy

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  4. Wow oh wow! Look at how beautiful that was! It may have taken a sore bottom, but look at your united front! I am sorry it is so stressful and rocky right now. But I read that post and see a lovely, strong couple walking through this mess. Hold tight to Storm Windy, he wont let you down.

    Hugs
    Boo

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    1. Boo,
      Oh, yes, more than 1 day where a sore bottom was given to me! LOL! We're determined to get every drop of goodness out of this ttwd stuff! I am holding on tight to Storm for sure. Thanks, Boo Hugs, Windy

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  5. I'm sorry you had such a serious situation to deal with. But I'm happy that it brought you closer rather than driving a wedge between you. I know there were some things that I never turned over to him. While I wanted him to lead, I know that there were some aspects of our lives where I was the expert and after we talked I made the final decision. Unfortunately, Nick would never take TTWD that far. I dreamed of it, but it never happened. I feel this has been over all good for you both and I'm so glad you could work it out together.

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    1. PK,
      It has been good overall, you're right. I cannot even begin to explain how much communication this ttwd takes to do it the way that works for us. Even when we think we're on the same page, sometimes we're not and I can get a little ugly...... but I am determined to make sure Storm knows what my needs are..... and absolutely tell him when they're not being met. He hasn't just magically taken over. It's hard work for him and a lot of uncomfortable discussions. But, its worth it to both of us when we get it right. Thanks, PK, for your encouragement. Hugs, Windy

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  6. I'm sorry you and Storm are dealing with such a tough and stressful situation, Windy ... but so good you both were able to hit a break through point in your ttwd relationship ... I think that, in and of itself, will carry you a long way, not only helping you to get through what's happening now but also providing long term benefits after the current crisis has passed. ... big hugs! ... nj ... XX

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    1. Nora Jean,
      Thanks so much for your friendship. You are right, it was a breakthrough..... it feels right (and it hurts my rear!), but hopefully we will continue to grow and utilize the heck out of this ttwd stuff! Hugs! Windy

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  7. Windy,
    I was trying to think of that expression, and it finally came to me. "When the rubber hits the road..." The definition fits your struggles in this post to a T.

    ......the point at which a theory or idea is put to a practical test.

    You and Storm are at that point. A test. Trust each other and stay true to what is best for both of you.

    Wishing you Courage and Wisdom,
    Ella

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    1. Ella,
      That is EXACTLY the phrase I had in mind during some of this, too. Well, that and "Poop or get off the pot."

      You're right..... we have gone from theory to testing...... Interesting that my last post was all about trust. It is working for us so far. Thanks for your encouragement, Ella. Hugs, Windy

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  8. I really enjoyed reading this post, even though you two are dealing with some things. I liked that it brought you two together and that you trusted the relationship enough to let go and cry. Crying doesn't happen around here very much. You two have come a long way. I hope that things settle down and that life gets normal again

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    1. Blondie,
      It's good you appreciate the ways in which I am trying to share our ttwd experience here. I like when you relate your own to ours. Yeah, the crying thing is something I always wondered about. Will be interesting to see if it happens more often from now on. Not that is has to...... it has it's time and place. Storm is helping me to settle down..... this is definitely a deeper kind of ttwd than we usually do, but it's good. Thanks, Blondie for caring... and sharing. Hugs, Windy

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  9. I completely agree with your last statement....what is ttwd really worth if we don’t use it in difficult times. Choosing to live our daily lives with this ttwd tool in our back pockets truly gives us the advantage I believe. We already have the communication, the trust, the closeness, the commitment, that all goes a long way when dealing with the stresses that come our way. Going back to what we know works for us is important. Maintaining this dynamic, and working together as leader and leaner I think makes the struggles far more manageable. My guy just yesterday said that so many of my spankings are to settle me down so that we can discuss what’s really important, and here, it works.
    I’m sorry that you’ve had so much to deal with, and I hope you’re almost through it. I see this wonderful post of yours as somewhat of a milestone, and a really positive one. Wishing you both good things, may life become easier very soon. :)

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    1. Laurel,
      Thank you so much for sharing such great stuff here! Yes, adding TTWD to an already solid marriage is what Storm and I are after.... to help in dealing with the stresses that come our way. I love your phrase "leader and leaner." That is powerful. Yes, Storm is calming my emotions with spanking and then talking. This is what we both want. This truly is a milestone, and so is what happened 2 days later..... he put his money where his mouth is. Well, he put his hand where my ass is !! This is a whole new level of ttwd here this past week. I'm grateful it's working. Thanks so much, Laurel, for your valuable contribution here and for your encouragement. Hugs, Windy

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  10. Wow Windy, what a wonderful post, I'm so sorry you and Storm are dealing with such a difficult situation.

    The connection and love between you shines through. I just love this, this is ttwd at it's best. When difficult situations arise ttwd often takes a back sest, but these times are often when we need it the most. I just love how the two of you communicate.

    What a milestone moment this was, hard and full of emotion but resulting in a deeper connection.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz,
      Thank you so much for your encouragement on this one.... we are doing well with this more intense type TTWD, and I am glad! (but my rear is sore! LOL!) ..... It does a back seat and this time, Storm is really trying to lead with it and I am trying to follow. I need to feel his strength right now for sure in more ways than one! :) Milestone is a really good word for it, Roz. I appreciate your support very much as I know you speak from a place of experience as well. Hugs, Windy

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  11. Hi Windy, :) I'm really sorry that you went through this rough patch. These things happen, but I think that we are at an advantage of most people because we have the tools to reconcile things in a loving way. That is pretty special stuff! Sounds like you both did great!

    I like to think of ttwd as teamwork. Yes, we have a leader and a follower. Yes there can only be one leader. Yes, I think most of us strive for submission. At the same time, we both have strengths and weaknesses that are recognized by one another. IMHO the dance is that even though one leads, some decisions, all specific to individual couples, are made by the sub. I know that there are definitely areas here that Rob defers to me. Most all other times, we work as a team, but in a stalemate, Rob gets to decide. It works. Well, I think.
    You and Storm are sorting some of that out, and I think that we all do from time to time really, no matter how long we have been at it all. Just MHO, but hope that it helps in some way.

    The last thing that I want to chime in with is that I got the sense that you feel ashamed about crying. What I want to tell you is that you should be proud. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable to Storm during a spanking. You gave it all up. That shows a great deal of trust really. Spanking is such a trusting activity. You cried, and showed him the raw you. That is a very intimate act. Don't ever be ashamed of that.❤️ Crying is very cleansing as well, when one has a lot on their mind, I think. A milestone to be proud of I think! Good for you! Have a happy week! Many hugs,

    ❤️Katie xoxo

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    1. Katie,
      Many decisions are made by me because that's just daily life here and Storm isn't interested in micromanaging me (I'm not interested either!). With this specific family thing that we are going through, I just flat out do not have the mental or physical energy to carry on and roll over Storm with what I think the best plan is. I could and he believes in my abilities enough to let me (as long as my attitude and respect are in order). But, I don't WANT to lead this......I just can't do it. I'm a big part of it, yes. But, he is stepping up, our ttwd is on an entirely different level and I am so relieved. This is what we want. When it comes down to it, this is exactly what I need.

      As far as the crying goes, I'm not ashamed for the crying. I have wondered what it would feel like all these years for sure. When I said that I'm not proud of it, I just meant that I didn't want to make anyone else feel bad if they have never cried before like me, until now. But, I do agree that it is a milestone for me and Storm. Geeze, I just typed his real name and gave myself a heart attack. LOL!! Thanks for your support here, Katie, and for taking the time to talk openly here on my blog. Hugs, Windy

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  12. Windy, I’m so sorry you’re having such a difficult time. I hope the issues you’ve been dealing with will be resolved soon. The upside is that you’ve added another string to the ttwd bow.
    Rosie xx

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    1. Rosie,
      Storm and I are doing well with this new level of ttwd. It's working. Somebody's rear end is pink, but it's all good. LOL Thanks, Rosie! Hugs! Windy

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