Okay....... I'm just going to say some things straight out here and if I am left standing on my own afterwards because it's just too private for you gals to join in and give advice and share your true experience, well at least I will have been honest with blog land and with Storm and myself.
This TTWD thing often causes me more frustration than it does before we did it. Please remember that although Storm and I have been doing some sort of dd or d/s type thing for the past 10 years, there are so many things that came up with family and health issues that we were OFF more than we were ON. So the longest consistent stretch of us practicing ttwd has been since last April when I found all your wonderful blogs.
My point is, we know the ups and downs of it......... but, I don't think we know all the ins and outs of it. I think Storm and I are truly still new at this. Either that or my needs keep changing so quickly that we can't ever get the spanking/discipline thing right for very long.
So....... every one of us bloggers and readers has said that communication is key with ttwd, and I agree. But........ would any of you be willing to tell me in more than general terms what even one conversation between you and your husbands has looked like when adjustments to the spanking/discipline were needed by you as the wife?
Do you actually say things like: ???
1. "The spanking needs to be harder."
2. "The spanking needs to be longer."
3. "I don't like this implement....."
4. "Do you like spanking me? Do you get mad at me?
5. "I know you just spanked me yesterday, but I need more."
6. "I don't like asking you for a spanking because it makes me feel like I am topping."
7. "I feel frustrated with not enough discipline."
8. "I feel guilty for needing this."
9. "I need to feel your dominance, but it has to be initiated by you."
What is it that you are saying to your husband and vice versa?
I see often in blog land that many of us gals feel embarrassed to ask for a spanking. I feel the same. You also seem like it's a topping from the bottom thing, and I feel that, too, and that TOTALLY takes away from the psychological part of spanking. It isn't that it doesn't feel real. It's real. But, it feels like it is being managed by me because his needs aren't changing, mine are. He doesn't need ttwd....... I do.
Yes, he is willing to do this with me and he has a very sincere attitude and puts forth effort to make this ttwd work for us. I know how blessed I am to have a husband who is not naturally a dominant personality but yet he is still willing to do this with me, learn and practice being more dominant because I need it and he enjoys the benefits of my submission.
It isn't about expecting Storm to be perfect and it isn't about me not expressing my gratitude to him for continuing to work on our version of ttwd. It's about how to talk to him ...... the words get stuck if my throat .......... and tell him once again that whatever we're doing isn't enough. I feel like I am telling him that HE is not enough and that is NOT the case at all.
Please talk to me.