I haven't made it a habit in my life to use the phrase, "Don't judge me," and I don't plan to start. But, that doesn't mean that I haven't judged others and it doesn't mean that they haven't judged me either. There is something perplexing to me about the word judgment and how throughout my life I have heard it from a religious perspective, which is a bible verse that says, "Judge not, unless ye be judged." Even outside of a religious context, it seems like common sense that we would all take that as don't be so hard on everybody else and worried about what everybody else is doing wrong..... the world would be much better if we worked on fixing our own faults. (I'm not talking about breaking laws.)
However, if we look at the definition of the word "judge" it is to "form an opinion or conclusion about." This seems like a reasonable thing for us human beings to practice, so why is it bad to judge one another? We have to make decisions about laws, morality, honesty, etc. So if someone lies a lot, I am not supposed to say, "You're a liar" because that is coming to the conclusion that someone is, in fact, a liar.... ??!!
Exhibit A: The "news" on any channel whether leaning left, right, or central would last about 10 minutes a day if they all had to just announce the facts of the day. Who said what, who did what, but giving no opinion on it at all -- that would put an immediate end to the 24/7 news cycle and maybe it should.
Whether or not we like Exhibit A is our choice what to do with it. I do watch the news and I am a part of the speculation, but I am also part of the crowd that is saying, "Hey, this is wrong because we need to treat each other like human beings." And I guarantee you there will be people who say, "Well, you're judging me/him/her, and that's wrong." I'm not sure there is any winning such an argument.
Exhibit B: the weather report. I believe that all weather reports should take place in the past tense only and here's why. They don't get their predictions correct on the precipitation most of the time and it very much screws up my plans for fishing! So just tell me how much it rained after it rains. Stick with the facts and stop with the guessing, except if severe weather is coming, then absolutely give me a shout out . I'll be grateful for my life if you're right and I won't be mad at all if you're wrong!!
Here is what I sometimes grapple with, and for lack of a better phrase, I'll just call it "reverse judgement." Why can't I say that something makes me uncomfortable? Why have I taken flak for saying, "I do not want to know what they're doing over at XYZ because I don't like the way it makes me feel." I'm not going around announcing to them that they can't do whatever it is that makes me feel a little bit funny. I'm sure some things I do would make lots of people uncomfortable. I'm also fairly certain that if I knew this, I either don't share it, or I don't hang around them if it is something that really means a lot to me.
As long as you're not breaking any laws......and if you are, don't tell me! Even then, I'm not a prosecuting attorney, so I'm not investigating anyone! Although I can't say with complete certainty that I won't be in the jury pool or that you won't ever be in mine should I go down the wrong path in life.......... But, in both of those cases, it is our job to judge.......isn't it?
So what's the difference between judgment and judging?
This is great food for thought. I agree with you about news reports nowdays. I too wish they would stick to the facts, it annoys me that it seems to be full of opinion, or at the least emotive language. Is that judgemental of me? lol.
I like what you said about 'reverse judgement' too. Nodding head in agreement.
Hi, Roz! News overload, right? Laughing, but you basically just said in one sentence what my whole post was about -- If I see someone being judgmental and I tell them that bothers me, why does that make ME judgmental? HA! We do the best we can, right?! Hugs, WindyDelete
Hi Windy ... another thinking cap post :>) … I think we all ‘judge’ … as humans we have an internal values system against which we way/view/measure various aspects of our life and the external world … the ‘judgement’ is where we land with that measurement. How we convey that ‘judgement’ to the rest of the community/world we live in, is a whole other matter and if I've read it right, that is what you see yourself grappling with - and I'm sorry, I don't have any easy answers for that one :>) ...ReplyDelete
Hope Storm has a great Dad's Day ... I'm guessing you're not taking him fishing :>)) ... hugs ... nj
Hi, NJ! I like your word measurement in this context...... and so you think the problem seems to sometimes lie with outward,expressive judgment. Interesting thought. Hugs, WindyDelete
When I consider either word, the image of a balance scale in the hand of a blindfolded goddess comes to mind. That idea of an impartial judgement. When it comes to a decision in a court of law, we sincerely hope that the scales of justice discover the truth before handing down a judgment. But the world ain't perfect and either are people.
You are right that there is a negative connotation to the word as it is used in the phrase,"Don't judge me." We do though. We make a judgment when we choose a friend, a mate, a doctor, a candidate. Maybe we just need to remember that when we are judging a person, it says a lot more about who we are than who they are.
Judging is the act of making a decision and weighing the pros and cons. The judgement is the final outcome.
Hi, Ella! I know the Justice of which you speak... love her. Right, we make judgments in our lives because we have to evaluate where we fit and who fits with us.... The wrong kind of judgment does say more about us, I agree. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Hugs, WindyDelete
This is a tough one for me. When we are hurt by others, I can judge them all too easily. I do more inward thinking and try to come out of the situation with less judgement in my heart. Right now, I am simply unable to write anymore without revealing feelings I want to keep close. You and I have talked and you know what I mean. Great post!
It's a tough one for me, too! I like your inward thinking and then squashing some of that judgement in our hearts....You're right that it starts with the thought, then goes to the heart, and then probably to our mouths if we're not careful, I think. I know we have to keep our feelings to ourselves many times or just share them with a trustworthy friend. Thanks for your insight here! Hugs, Windy
I think people use the phrase "don't judge me" not to prevent anyone from having opinions but to protect themselves from inaccurate assessments that lead to unfair judgments. I agree we all literally have to have opinions based on the information we have gathered and as you mentioned, it's truly hard to weed out fact from fiction. I think if I were to say anything to the world in my case, I would say, "Don't judge me without a whole lot of empathy."
Hi, Amy! I think you are absolutely right about why people say "don't judge me." I do think people say it when they know they're being naughty sometimes though, too! LOL! I LOVE your qualified statement... wow! "Don't judge me without a whole lot of empathy." That's pretty impressive, Amy, and I will keep that in mind when I am tempted to judge others. Thanks for sharing! Hugs, WindyDelete
I may mentally judge others. In my head I might say that's crazy or they shouldn't be doing that. But 90% of the time, that's where it stays - in my head. I'll think that is so wrong, then shrug and walk away. The other 10 percent of the time people are saying or doing things that could hurt someone I love - think people taunting the LGBTQ community - then I attack.ReplyDelete
Hi, PK! Oh, yes, I will defend someone I love in a heartbeat. I also try to jump in when others are picking on or shaming a group of people that do not deserve it! Good for you sticking up for the LGBTQ community...... like your chat with that pastor when you were walking that one day! Thanks for sharing! Hugs, WindyDelete
WOW..interesting post and comments. Judging can be negative...or positive. I like to remember what a friend of mine said once....I hope if others judge me, they have tried to..or imagined waht it is like..to have walked in my shoes. Not I judge that to be good advice.ReplyDelete
Hi, Abby! You are right that we often have not walked in someone else's shoes..... it totally changes the perspective when we remember to do that. Thanks for joining in this conversation, Abby! Hugs, WindyDelete
I just wanted to take a moment to comment. I really enjoy your writing. Your thoughts are clear and insightful, and your narrative is always fluid and entertaining. Thanks for sharing.
Hi, Rick! I really appreciate you leaving such a kind comment for me. Wow, what encouragement you offer! Thank you so much. *High Five* WindyDelete
Wow deep thoughts! I try always to not judge without knowing each side. There are 2 sides to everything. After hearing both side (this is where the judging comes in to play), you then decide based on your perception of events, morals, and ethics what the appropriate outcome should be (judgement). So yes, we do ultimately have to judge things for ourselves. The key though, is gathering all of the available information to make the judgement for ourselves. So in your example of calling someone a liar after they have proven multiple times to lie, um, yes, they are the definition of a liar. However, apparently, we aren't allowed to say the truth, we must couch it in "pretty" words, so as to not hurt anyone's feelings. That is where the problem is. You are made to feel uncomfortable if you speak the truth because it isn't pretty and you might hurt someone's feelings.
Yep, Boo, deep thoughts this time. You're right that there are always two sides to one story....and sometimes more, too! And, who knows if anybody's story is 100 percent true or how much our own perceptions might throw things off. I am not unhappy with the profession I chose in life, but I often do wonder how I would have been as an attorney. An honest one, I hope! Thanks for your input here, Boo. Hugs! WindyDelete
Personally I find human behaviour fascinating. How is this for judging, I often believe people judge when they are unhappy or something is missing in their lives- so they judge to make themselves feel better. I've been persecuted plenty of times in my life based on the judgment of others. When I was young it really bothered me. Now I consider the source. Generally even if I don't show it, I tend to examine why they would see things they way they do, what was I projecting out and what is going on perhaps in their life that my actions are even on their radar. LOLReplyDelete
As for judging others? I think we've become too sensitive in some aspects of life. Having an opinion isn't necessarily judging someone. If you have an opinion based on your knowledge and you would like to share it, why is that judging? If you come across a chat room where everyone is a Smurf, and you say to yourself or your friends, " Not my thing" and move on. How is that judging? That is self awareness. Now there is a tendency for people in today's society to SAY things they don't need to. In my Smurf example there is no need to TELL those people it isn't your thing, because then that does come off as a judgement. THERE clear as mud!
As for the liar thing? Meh why bother calling them a liar? Why not just ignore them all together? Negative words, truthful or not are just so exhausting. LOL
Hi, Willie. You have shared some interesting concepts here and I just now thought to add that we probably judge others out of fear sometimes, too. Fear for ourselves and/or fear for the person doing the perceived-as-scary thing. And speaking of fear, I am really afraid to Google what a smurf even is if you're not talking about the cute little blue fellas from the 70's and 80's! LOL Thanks for sharing here. Hugs, WindyDelete