I'm not bad?

Yesterday, this was totally me when my husband just mentioned a possible spanking.  He couldn't stop laughing.



If I am getting spanked a lot, and I AM, I guess that means I'm bad.  We certainly don't practice ttwd because he's naughty!  There are spells of time where I am not in trouble, am doing things around the house, accomplishing whatever, and having a better attitude, but then  comes that  quick daily spanking that he tries to work in and I'm grateful for it, mostly.  However, I feel a bit confused sometimes and I say, "Wait, a second. I wasn't even naughty (yet) today,"  or  "Am I in trouble?"
Him, "No."
 Me, "Well, that FELT like I was in trouble!"

Things I have said to Storm frequently over the past several months as he/we have upped the intensity of how we're living our version of ttwd:

"I'm naughty."
"I'm crabby."
"I'm bad."   I get his hearty agreement on the first two, but to my surprise, not on the last one.

"I hate almost everybody, Honey," I explain partly why I think I am bad because I am overwhelmed with the stupidity, the silence, and the hypocrisy that is running rampant in my country these days.

Storm gently reassures me, "So do I, but I'm happy!"

Laughing.......  Storm is so anti-social, but you may not know that if you met him.  He's quiet and you would notice that, but he's also funny, quick to jump in with a quip, and he's a good listener, but what many people never get to know about him is that he has some things of his own that he would like to share.  Some people are so full of themselves, they don't take the time to listen to other people's ideas, concepts, and experiences if they differ from one's own.   He doesn't often feel the need to be heard, to be right, or to be liked, thus he doesn't usually speak out unless someone flat out asks him his opinions or thoughts on whatever the matter at hand is.

We have left places before and I will say to Storm in the car, "Honey, you know a lot about that subject," or....."I know you have strong convictions/beliefs on that topic, why didn't you speak up?"  He just figures other people aren't interested and he mostly likely isn't going to convince anyone to change their  minds on whatever  the topic is simply by hearing him give his views.  While I understand and respect what he is saying, I feel that he has wonderful ideas and different ways of thinking about things in life that make me think on a deeper level.  Part of it is his delivery.....he's just nonthreatening and humble.  And the other part is his compassion and the fact that he doesn't feel threatened in the least if you disagree with him.  This is a big part of the reason as to why I was so grateful to our most recent vacation hosts back in June.   He really likes them, he was truly comfortable with them, and they treated him like his voice mattered.  I am forever grateful to both of them for this.

So, upon further discussion, he tells me that I am not bad. He reminds me that I am being spanked because I get too frustrated, to take the edges off of my emotions, and to reinforce our roles.  Yesterday, I was hit with a wave of frustration over some things which resulted in him saying we might need to spend some time in the bedroom that night which translates into someone is getting spanked!  But, because I knew I hadn't been disrespectful or spouty to him, and the fact that I was exhausted from 4 days of migraines in a row and not much sleeping the next 2 or 3, I made the Lucy face because I truly did not want to be spanked for any reason, and I think I sounded just like you'd imagine.  Storm laughed very hard at my reaction as he put his arms around me, and encouraged me to just take a nap on the couch for a while and rest.  I took his advice immediately.  I may be a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them!  An hour later, I did feel better and calmer and we did the whole Netflix and chill, but he mercifully decided not to spank me.

I guess I'm not so bad after all, but I am not totally convinced.