Thursday, October 31, 2019

The Challenge of Finding Domestic Discipline Friends

Are there those of us who read spanking blogs, who can read about relationships or just the spanking itself or the living of a ttwd life who haven't said anything to their spouse/partner yet?   Why do you wait?   Is it the fear of rejection ?  Is it better to live with the fantasy of maybe it all becoming possible one day rather than to run the risk of finding out that it cannot be a reality?

There seem to be so many spanking websites, blogs, Twitter accounts, etc. yet very few of them focus  on spanking for disciplined wives, and many of those links have gone the way of Error 404 -- you know, that message error that "indicates that the browser was able to communicate with a given server, but the server could not find what was requested?!"  Sounds like somebody got their order wrong in at the fast food drive-thru to me. Hmph!  Anyway, some people prefer Twitter, where they can read 180 characters and hit a heart button, and move onto the next account on their follow list.  That isn't relationship building.  I don't know what it is to be honest, but 180 characters at a time is a very slow way to get to know somebody!  Is it that some people just want to read something short and get a quick spike in dopamine?  I would say that people are just too busy to read blogs, but I think many people who use Twitter actually spend a lot of time on it.

Do you think that gals are still out there somewhere unreached or maybe already having little groups of their own, but most likely scared off by the kind of sites that are just "too much?"  I used to be one of them searching to see if there was anyone else out there like me but looking around with only one eye barely open for fear of what I would see.  I remember typing into my search engine things like, "Spanked wives, minus porn, articles only," etc. No thank you, harsh spanking pictures, naked-every-body-part-you-own in every position seemingly possible. Laughing.... I did not know to type in the word "blog!"  Ugh!

Just last week in my attempts at keeping my eye out for new dd sites, I clicked on a promising link, and it was indeed a dd blog that I had never  been to before, but suddenly, the wife was writing that she was put in diapers by her husband as punishment for who knows what!  I can't remember anything other than a healthy adult woman wearing diapers to bed.  I have never said this on my blog before, but what in the actual eff?  Yes, I knew this was out there somewhere, but I didn't think I'd come across it simply by looking for other mainstream ttwd wives.  GAH!

I also didn't realize that straight up Christian Domestic Discipline websites still exist.  I thought that had gone out with that infamous couple from a few years back who I did not know, but know of, and am not going to mention.   I don't care if others practice this way, but as a Christian myself, I just think Jesus could care less if my husband spanks me whether for discipline or fun as long as it's consensual and healthy for both of us.  And if a spanking was as painful as labor pains as was reported, my husband wouldn't have any front teeth when he woke up out of bed the next morning, and that would signal the end of many things, the least of which would be domestic discipline!  (My Storm is sweet and gentle, and knows how to apply just the right amount of ouchy when he spanks my butt.)

I am finding that sex blogs and sex websites make up the overwhelming majority of the internet because we all know that sex sells.  It is true that good sex writing appeals to many of us.  I think it is healthy to explain how the human body and sex work, to present ways to get through sexual difficulties, to express sexual humor, to give lots of ideas on how to spice things up in the bedroom, to help one another heal from sexual trauma, and write a sexy tale or nine, etc.  However, many blogs that have some content that interests me often seem to have the attitude that almost anything goes.  For that reason, I can't join in.  I've been tempted, but it makes me feel overexposed to things that I truly do not want to know. (*whispers*  Like diapers!)

I think even though what most writers and bloggers do and practice is consensual, in no way do I think "anything goes" is a healthy philosophy let alone a safe one.  That may not be true for you and I accept that, but I have to guard my own heart and mind.......and Storm's.  And just because of the simple fact that we have a spanking relationship does not mean that I want to invite all kinds of extremity into my home let alone my brain.  And anyone reading here who is happy and healthy living a vanilla life doesn't have to approve of my ttwd relationship with my husband either.

I always welcome advice and feedback in the comment section of my blog and I do my best to take it in the good spirit in which it is meant although I do think I have fumbled a time or two. I don't have all the answers and I don't like when anyone who claims to live a domestic discipline type relationship thinks they do. I don't like it when any blogger, no matter what genre their blog theme lands in, speaks to his/her readers as the ultimate authority on the topic.  Blah.  I do, however, appreciate it when their recipes are precise, not to mention very yummy!

Sunday, October 27, 2019

The Dog Days of ....... October?

Most weekdays,  a  90 pound dog drags me around the neighborhood  I take a 90 pound dog for a walk.  I've never owned a dog before and I am not the owner of this one either, so all of this is very new to me.  Interestingly, I am allergic to all dogs and cats and almost every animal with any kind of fur.  And I don't mean like a little sneezey and itchy kind of allergic. I mean like death is near kind of allergic. 

When I was a kid in the 70's, my mom took me to the big city for those allergy tests called scratch tests all over my back and all the animal ones were huge welts, especially the one for horse.  The doc said he'd never seen someone have such a strong reaction to it.  That would explain why the 2 times that I went horseback riding as a child that I ended up in the hospital exactly TWICE with a horrible asthma attack.  Combine that with being highly allergic to the hay on the hayride and in the barn -- it's a wonder I survived.

I say all this to say that I can't stay inside the neighbor's house with the dog for long, but I can take him for a walk and be just fine.  I also find it ironic that every time I enter the house and offer my hand to him to sniff, that he sneezes!  I ask him if he is allergic to me and tell him that I am allergic to him as well.  He likes to get in my face when I bend down for any reason and then I say, "Your breath stinks, dude."  And he looks at me like, "It's morning, lady, and your coffee breath doesn't smell the greatest either."  I'm sure he is right especially because his sense of smell is 10,000 times as strong as ours!

They say (whoever "they" are) that dogs can tell if someone is dying, so I have watched this canine fella closely to see if he suspiciously starts sniffing somewhere on my body and then I reflect on whether or not I have had that particular body part checked out recently. (Isn't it interesting how an anxious mind works?!  Who knew?!  I did!)  So far so good.  Although it doesn't count when he sniffs my butt because that is what dogs love to do.

Most days, we walk to the big park nearby, so many days in a row now it's like that book a Thousand Splendid Suns, except it is a Thousand Splendid Sniffs because of that whole 10,000 times thing.

I'm always on the lookout for weirdos.  There are many clean portable potties every quarter mile or so, and I had to go, but I suspected the dog would not want to go in with me and even if he did, there wouldn't be enough room.  So I held onto his leash and went in and took a whiz as fast as I could.  When I was done, the dog was just patiently waiting for me and I laughed thinking of the picture that could have gone viral had someone taken a snapshot of a dog standing just outside a portable potty, with his leash extended through the door-crack of the outhouse......... clearly with someone hanging on for dear life on the inside.  I'm fortunate he didn't try to start running because he is very strong and could have pulled me right out with my pants down.  Not cool, as Storm is the only person who is supposed to see me like that when he says, "Bend over!"

I carry a tiger claw with me for self defense. I look men in the eye like, "My dog will go straight for your balls if you even take one step in my direction......."   There has been suspicion by the dog owner herself and me that some shady deals are going down at the park even though we live in a nice town and the grounds are well kept.  There is one car  of which I could provide a detailed description including its occupant who parks in the same spot most days, for no apparent reason, wears a baseball cap  and keeps looking around like he/she is waiting for someone.  As long as he/she stays away from me, we're good.

I always text Storm exactly 3 times on each dog walk.  First, I tell him when we're at the park with this text, "Park."  Next, I tell him when we're on the main street heading home...... and finally when we make it back safely.  I do this because it is a very large park and I figure if I go absent that they will have a better idea the point at which I have gone missing.  Can you tell that Storm and I have been binge watching How to Get Away With Murder?!   Loooove Viola Davis!

The dog and I don't talk much to one another.  I figure he doesn't want to hear about politics because I suspect that his owner and I have different views on that subject and he might be offended on her behalf.  I don't tell him my problems either.  We just walk and I ask him questions about what he is smelling, tracking, tracing.  I mostly just tell him that he is a good boy and I speak to him in a happy voice.   Afterwards as we chill in his backyard together, I thank him for taking me on a walk and he looks me right n he eyes for approval and love ....... I only look for a second at a time in his eyes because some dogs don't like direct eye contact and I am not about to test that theory.  He can be the dominant one, not me.  I don't care about power dynamics when one of us is a dog and I'm not the one wearing a collar!

Monday, October 14, 2019

Jaws and Oral Sex

We're all familiar with those two deep and infamous notes that start out slowly and get faster and louder... Daaaa dum..... Daaa dum..... Daa dum......Da dum....Da dum!!   Then someone is eaten by Jaws and not in a good way!  Why this particular photo is of a shark who apparently has the lower jaw that resembles an erect albeit somewhat pointy and blue engorged penis, I have no idea!  Purple and angry, I get, but not blue.  Maybe he is holding his breath?

Speaking of things being "eaten," much throughout our ttwd journey, we have done that spanking-then -a-blow-job, spanking-then-a-blow-job-thing.  Especially in the beginning, Storm was learning to meet  my spanking needs, and I felt that I wanted him to enjoy it not just during, but afterwards.  I have read that there is a common pattern like that in new ttwd relationships, especially if the wife is really wanting her husband to get on board with this and to see that he will benefit from it, too.  If in no other way at first, at least sexually.  Then you can grow together........ or whatever.  There is no one way to get started, we each pave our own way, but it's just something Storm and I did naturally.

Often after I am spanked, Storm likes to stand on the side of the bed and play King of the Mountain and I, as his Pink Cheek Queen, play huff and puff on his flute to a tune much to his liking.  Toot! Toot!  I have heard of women humming while giving a blow job before, but I've never tried it.  If I ever do, I'm certainly not going to  hum the theme song from Jaws.  That might give Storm the wrong impression of my intentions! Yikes! 

I learned a long time ago when I was pregnant that I had TMJ (jaw pain) and that was common when hormones change.   Many years later, my hormones are changing for different reasons and so the TMJ, not to be confused with TMI, which this post might be for some people, so feel free to move on, has reared it's ugly head again. 

As a result, it has been challenging to give blow jobs sometimes, and Storm would never want me to hurt while doing that, so we have been  careful and sometimes resort to other options for Storm's pleasure.   Well,  this particular time, I tried again.  I felt that I needed to open my mouth wider than it was, but I couldn't do it, so I pulled on the bottom of my own chin and it popped a little as it sometimes does, I went back to the work at hand/mouth and........  OWWWWWWWWWW!!!     I had to pop it back in and that was painful.  That was about 3 weeks ago and I haven't given him a blow job since.  I can't!  Laughing.  My jaw is all jacked up and it even hurts to chew sometimes!  (It's improving, so please hold off on the medical advice.  Ugh!)

So it looks like I'm down to one hole and 2 flippers for the time being like this gal!   I will just have to give Storm's junk some tugs and kisses for now!

 I hope that is enough to get the job done for Storm. I'm not holding my breath, but I am keeping my mouth closed!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Spanked by Surprise

Storm and I have a method we follow as we both set up for a spanking.  I hesitate to call it a ritual because that can mean something different than what I mean, but I guess technically, that is what it is.

Once I am naked and bent over the bed, he ALWAYS lays the paddle flat against both cheeks to let me know he is about to begin.  So I am lying there, trying to get my mind in the right place like  the good little submissive wife that I am (HA!), and WHAM!!  I shot straight up while exclaiming, "OUCH!!  You SCARED me!"  I continued to talk fast, "You have never just started spanking without a signal first........."  It  turns out we had never talked about it.  It was just something he made a habit of and that I came to expect, never even bringing it up.  Until NOW!   I'm laughing a little, "Gosh, seriously, Honey?  This spanking is supposed to be to help me with my anxiety and you just started it off by scaring me half to death !!!! "

Well, it turns out that while he did briefly apologize accompanied by a chuckle, that he wasn't worried at all about any long lasting effects and I knew this by the intensity of the spanking. Twenty-four hours later, as I sit here typing this, I still feel it.

Has a spanking ever caught you by surprise?  If not, what has spooked you recently?

Sunday, October 6, 2019

Needs, Likes, and Helps..........

I thought Storm and I were doing well living the life of TTWD, and I think we were, but we had a huge fight and it was so intense that he put the breaks on all things dominant and I had no choice but to back off and watch it happen.

Basically, what it boils down to for me is that I absolutely refuse to be submissive if he's not going to be dominant.  I just can't do it.  I feel that the submission makes me softer, but I don't want it to make him softer, too.  I quickly recognize situations where I desperately want him to lead, step in, but he doesn't always see them without me pointing them out first.  I told him that it was embarrassing enough the very first time  I suggested  domestic discipline to him, and did he have any idea how embarrassing it is for me to have to keep telling him?  There was truth in what I said to him, but I was too harsh......... and he felt that he failed us in some ways, and he just shut down and told me he was doing so.  Yikes!

We did some talking the next day, but not a lot because he wasn't feeling well. Storm is quiet often, but this was different.  We both just had that sick feeling that lasts a couple days after a big emotional blowout.  I felt horrible that I made him feel so bad about himself.

I took the time to think about our version of TTWD, and for the first time in a very long time, I seriously thought of how our life would be without it.  And, I thought of other gals in blog land who had TTWD relationships at one point, or sort of had it, or have never had it even though you asked your husbands for it........... and I can see why you finally gave up and maybe even possibly why husbands quit, too.  I'm not encouraging anyone to give up, I'm just saying that I got a real taste of why some of you have.

I don't need him to be more understanding, more caring, etc......... he already is those things in abundance.  Traditionally in marriage, that is what both partners are if it's a healthy relationship.  Storm is not demanding or self-centered.  He's so selfless that after 30 years of marriage, I told him that I don't even know what his needs are other than sex and it isn't for lack of me asking.  But, I cannot communicate with him any more than I already am...... I'm just out of ideas of how to ask him.

I know his standard answer is his philosophy of JOY......... Jesus, Others, You.   And, NO, we do NOT practice Christian domestic discipline.  We don't care if you do, but we just as a couple think that Jesus could care less whether my husband spanks me or not as long as its consensual.  Anyway, JOY means putting oneself last, which is what Storm tries to do and it is frustrating the heck out of me.  I can express to him what my needs are.........why can't he tell me what his are? 

Well, we finally found the right words.  He is uncomfortable with the word "need"......... so I said, tell me instead what you LIKE........ You have to have some expectations of me......otherwise why am I here if you don't truly care what I do and you're just happy with whatever it is that I happen to offer?  Blah!    Turns out there are actually lots of things that he likes.  Who knew?  Not me!   The other thing that I asked him is what are the things I do or can do that HELP him in some way.  Finally, those things he could tell me.  I am so relieved!

 We had, for lack of a better term, a very vanilla week.  I've been really into cooking this summer and fall and Storm loves it.  I didn't know how to make him feel better emotionally, so I just cooked him some good food, mostly healthy except for the caramel apple cinnamon rolls. 😁 We went an entire week with no dominance and I would say no submission, but I can't because what happened is that I was instinctively very attentive to him. But, I was only able to do this because   he finally was able to express to me what some of his LIKES (which are needs that he doesn't want to call needs)  are.   You may think that it is silly that he doesn't want to call it a need, but his reason is that he didn't want ME to feel like a failure if he told me what his needs were and then I couldn't meet them sometimes and that would make me feel bad about myself.

I needed him in other ways this week...... I just needed him to be strong for me regarding something I have been very worried about.  He gave me lots of reassurance and we did hug a lot. Then a funny thing happened --  I realized he wasn't being actively dominant, but I sure as heck was being submissive anyway.  What?!!!!!   This was eye opening.  For me, the cooking and taking care of the house are submissive acts.  I know it doesn't work that way in all households and I think that is completely fine and normal however couples choose to balance things around the house.  But, for me personally, the cooking especially feels domestic and it makes me feel like I am taking care of Storm. I was also coming to him for reassurance with my worries and he was leading and guiding me right through this rough spot.

It makes me feel better and somehow safer to know that Storm and I can make our marriage work well without TTWD.  -- that we're still very much in love, that I cling to him in times of uncertainty while he's right here strong and steady.  Thankfully though, Storm told me during our reconnect that he thinks our marriage is at its best when he is more dominant and I am more submissive.  So we will continue to work hard at sharing our needs, likes, and helps with one another.