***Storm helped me by talking through some parts of all that happened. His direct input is highlighted in orange. ***
There was a succession of breakthroughs the way I see it. All of them needed to happen due to me being an emotional, verbal, and strong-willed woman, and with Storm respecting me as a grown ass woman, and with him not allowing himself to display emotion, particularly ones that he associated with anger or negativity. "I'll try to be more of an asshole,"
he has said to me several times throughout our ttwd journey. Laughing.
Storm shared with me sometime last year that he was concerned that when I am really upset with him, if he told me to go into the bedroom for a spanking that I would tell him NO. So then what? I don't have the solution to that yet.
First of all, I wouldn't tell him no, but how did I prove this to him? I've never refused a spanking. Tried to talk him out of one? Yes. LOL But, refusing and saying it's not fair or blah blah blah........ nope. However, Storm is rightfully concerned that I might not give in to him because, in my next life, I am going to study to become a lawyer so I can argue appropriately and in a constructive manner all day! HA!
Storm's hesitation on this impasse did not ease up until Ella posted how she and Sam handle things ..... Sam simply puts his hand out, palm up, and says, "Come along, Ells." And I know, that Miss Ella is quite spirited herself, but she submits to him then. She puts her hand in his and off they go to the bedroom.
I asked Storm to read that portion of Ella's blog. That was a real light bulb moment for both of us. Of course, I could refuse to put my hand in his, but I implored him to try it during one of our ttwd meltdown discussions. Then the next time I was due a spanking, he did it. He put his hand out, palm up, and said, "Come with me."
My heart fluttered and my lady boner peaked her pink/purple/black/whatever-ugly-color-menopause-makes-it head out of her velvety hood, and I placed my hand softly in his and followed him to the bedroom. It was humbling. It was brave of Storm to trust me not to reject him, and it was HOT. And it was also really sweet. I will never forget that moment.
So building upon that exercise in trust I used that first breakthrough to remind Storm that I will respond to him as a submissive wife when he needs to call me out on my undesirable behavior. That he did something very hard for him to do, I submitted, and did exactly as he wanted me to do. I reminded him of that often and I think, in part, that it led to our most recent breakthroughs that have us practicing TTWD again. *YAY!*
Always, but especially since Storm came into repossession of my submission necklace, he has felt the need to have a Master Plan before we start practicing TTWD again.
(I don't care if anybody thinks this whole necklace thing is trivial. It's a ttwd symbol between us (and I guess you guys! lol) that allows us to feel submissive/dominant at times other than in the bedroom especially when we do not have privacy. I've caught him looking at it and then me over dinner, on dates several times and the expression on his face is unmistakable to me as to the strength of its emotional pull on us. It makes me feel submissive and it takes my breathe away when he says, "I like seeing you wear that necklace
How I saw things potentially playing out all these years kind of doesn't need a master plan. I thought it was as simple as when Storm and I would have a disagreement and I was displaying my distress over the situation, I can go on and on and be angry. While I do want to have my say, at some point, I think enough should be enough. Storm has never stopped me from sharing how I feel (because I'm a grown ass woman and I know my own mind)
and I don't expect him to until I just go on and on. At that point, I see him potentially saying, "We're going in the bedroom and you're going to get spanked as I talk us through the rest of this." This is a huge hurdle for him. He sees me as vulnerable in situations like that and he says he is trying to figure out what the problem is and solve it. He isn't thinking about shutting me up.
I say ttwd is supposed to be used to solve these kinds of problems and that you don't wait until everything is fixed and calm and then spank. He said he was waiting for me to be ready for a spanking emotionally...... in the moment was a real challenge because he said he doesn't trust that I am in the right mindset.
I say that is the EXACT time to use the spanking as a tool to help me get calmed down and for him to talk us through it. But, he says that he is in problem solving mode, taking responsibility for his part of the issue, and not focused on my inappropriateness.
Huge difference in theory and outlook and so he continued to struggle with his Master Plan and we had no ttwd action.
I was able to give him some space because together, we recently learned from a trusted source that was helping us get through a rough time with a family member, that it was normal for Storm to be able to express his emotions with me, even to be angry. He finally gave himself a bit of permission to do this and I have been seeing it. He doesn't walk around like a jerk. It's mostly subtle...... but he has learned more to express his displeasure with me. And guess what? I didn't melt or fall apart. For a long time, I have been trying to get a reaction out of him on anything and everything because I need to see that he cares (even though I mostly know he does care), that things do affect him, that it's healthy for him to express his needs and that I NEED him to. Storm is a master of self-control, but as his wife, I need to see what moves him, good or bad, and he has begun to show that to me more on purpose or should I say with purpose. And I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me....... and us. Major breakthrough due to some hard work by both of us.
Recently during a casual conversation, I offered a compromise in absence of a master plan. I proposed, "Why don't we allow for you to have time to reflect? I won't expect any spanking action in the heat of the moment and I want to give you the time you need to reflect and decide what to do. Maybe that will take some of the pressure off. Then, soon after, like the next day when we have alone time, if you have come to the conclusion that a spanking and a talking to is warranted, then you can just tell me then." That way, he's not shutting me up, he's not worried if I am ready emotionally, and I won't be expecting to have him spank right in the heat of the moment . This takes the pressure off of him to make immediate decisions and actions. I need to give the man some space to freaking breathe!
So all of the above things were parts of discussions both big and small. But what happened last week wasn't planned. We were just sitting on the couch talking to one another when we both admitted that we missed the intimacy of ttwd.
Every time he would even say
the word spanking, I felt that quickening type thing you feel when you're newly pregnant, except this feeling was not in my abdomen. You know where it was! Purr........
During this discussion, I did flat out say that I thought I was due a huge spanking for all the crap I gave him over the past several months. Hint. Hint.
He didn't disagree AT ALL.
Storm explained that after things calmed down, run themselves out, whatever, he had the time and frame of mind to reflect on things that I said that I shouldn't have or acted in the way I did. So while he is not focused on paying attention to my inappropriate comments and/or behavior during the heat of the moment, he can and does later reflect.
Again, I need to give the man some space to breathe and think. (and to make some mistakes!)
Within a day or two of that conversation, we got in a spat when we were in the bedroom standing near the door, and I flounced
away from him. Well, I got about 5 quick steps away and he said in a very firm voice that I have only heard form him a few times in my entire life, "Come back here, please!"
It wasn't a request. Well, hello
. I was back standing in front of him in a hot minute minus 58 seconds! I immediately went from annoyed to submissive, standing there looking up at him. This was a first for us. I was well aware that this could very well be another turning point.
We went to bed that night and while lying facing one another, I told him, "I came right to you. I liked that. You were kind but authoritative." He said to me, which completely took me by surprise, "Good, I'm glad. We'll talk about how you acted all day, tomorrow. With the paddle. Right here. You and me." Hot.
Another first. Dare I hope? Yes, I did because I could see his face in the dark when he said it and he was serious.
The following day, as promised/threatened, he told me I had to meet him in the bedroom in half an hour. I used the time to prepare. Even when I'm in trouble, there is a deliciousness that crackles in the air.
He told me one specific thing that I was doing for the past couple of months that I was absolutely no longer to do, EVER, and he repeated it throughout the spanking. The spanking itself was hard, and long, but with breaks, and more lecturing. The atmosphere had been set the night before by him and he followed through with it the next day. There was none of me asking him when he was going to spank me or if he was going to or how............ I didn't say a word. For me, what made this different for me was that I knew he was very serious and sincere in what he was saying. I genuinely felt remorse for my part in all of our difficulties the past several months. It hurt enough, in the right spots. Also, I really truly knew that I deserved it. It was long enough for me to process it physically and mentally, emotionally and ultimately, sexually. We made love afterwards and I was just completely caught up in him like I was when we were in our 20's! I was on my back with my ass on fire rubbing against the sheets with him above me and my hands now on his nice ass, gripping him..............
It was perfect. He was perfect. And I had nothing to do with any of it except getting myself in trouble in the first place.
Days later, as I sit here trying to put this post together in a halfway coherent manner, my ass hurts from the spanking that I received just this afternoon. All his doing......... none of mine. And as he stood on the side of the bed when it was all over playing Naked King of the Mountain, as I like to call it, with me standing on the floor, my face looking up to his, I pleasured him as he gave me a necklace of a whole different kind. And that is just perfect for now.