Most likely if you're reading here, you have a spanking kink, and understand how the whole ttwd thing is supposed to work, in general. To me, it has always seemed straight forward in thought and practice and Storm is a straight forward kind of guy, so easy peasy! I imagine we all think things such as: wife introduces hubby to some kind of spanking or dd website, she waits, he reads, they talk, wife's butt is introduced to the hand first and then later an implement..... experimenting. They probably develop some guidelines, maybe or maybe not some rules that the husband enforces. Wife listens. Sexual tension increases....... and they lived spanked and happily ever after. Right? Laughing.
We have been an off and on again type of couple with the spanking due to various illnesses in the family over many years, but in the second half of 2019, Storm and I finally really and truly got the opportunity and privacy to try to make it work on a regular basis.
While I appreciate all that we tried to work on and all the spanking and kinky things that that lead to, something has almost always been missing for me. We would get close to working it well, but then something always happened to make it not. I kept feeling, thinking, and saying, how many times am I going to get upset with Storm when he wasn't doing what we had agreed on........ or I wasn't giving him enough room and space to think about things? I was impatient many times. I was hurt. I was angry. He was frustrated and he just shut down almost every time. How many times were we going to argue about it? It was getting to be way more than I could face anymore. And he was feeling responsible for leaving me hanging.
I love Storm and we get along really well and enjoy spending lots of our time together ....... we're best friends. But, honestly, TTWD was causing more hard feelings between us and although I would never truly want to give it up, I couldn't take it anymore. I absolutely do not want to resent my beautiful husband. He's too precious and too important to me. He's my rock, my soul mate, I adore him. And I wanted to start acting like it again and instead of bringing up his failures, I want to celebrate all that is good and kind about him as a husband and father. He is a selfless man. I will never be able to provide for him all the things in life and in our relationship that he does for me. He would disagree..... he loves what I bring to him, that I touch him, always want him to touch me when he wants to, cook nice dinners for him ....... and have wonderful conversations with totally comfortable silences in between. And Netflix. And Netflix and chill, and if you don't know what that means, I will tell you that you watch a movie and then you fuck intensely. 🍆
So within recent months, I gave my submission rock necklace that I love and that Storm loves when I wear it....... I gave it back to him. I wanted to throw it across the room, but I didn't because I am past that. I have been really hurt over the whole thing because, yes, I can absolutely do my part and be a better submissive wife, but it doesn't work if the husband isn't actively leading. And I can hear some of you now saying what you've always said -- submit first, and see if that breeds dominance. And my answer is the same as always. NO. I'm not submitting to something that doesn't exist in hopes that it will just appear because it leaves me serving and giving and bending my ways without his leadership and dominance and input ...... if I can do that on my own, and I can, then what the heck do I need ttwd for?
Storm felt it wasn't fair to me to keep looking to him with great expectations and him not being fully able to wrap his head around it and have a master game plan. So, I told him when he had time to come to whatever decisions he needed to make about TTWD and leading, that he could choose to give the necklace back to me ...... or not.
After a time, I will tell you that he still has not returned it to me. This wasn't a manipulative move on my part or throwing a tantrum. I just can't do it anymore over and over again. There are too many serious things in life that are thrown our way and we just can't afford to be at odds over one more thing.
Interestingly, I still wanted to be intimate with him without the spanking and that is HUGE. Of course, I'm not going to turn the guy down for sex because I love him and we're bigger than failing at ttwd. I think he felt like he had some space to think ......... and we were able to talk calmly with one another without any pressure, not every day, but a few times a week. We worked as a team on other things that needed to be addressed in our family and we did that quite well. We still are. And I thought that this is okay. We're still very good and we make one another happy in many other ways, so that's that.
However, you know, a true spanko never gives up hope, even if she doesn't bitch and moan about it anymore. This past week, I honestly had the biggest ttwd surprise since we discovered domestic discipline 11 years ago. And I will write about that here soon.