Monday, June 8, 2020

To Tell the Truth -- Therapy

The message that we get from society, and unfortunately even from family and friends sometimes (and at the worst of times, it seems) is that therapy is just fine as long as its physical.  But, emotional?  Forget it, you're on your own, loser.  Don't talk about it with anyone, don't ever admit it, keep your mouth shut and stuff your feelings and emotions deep down inside so that you don't make anyone else uncomfortable. Ever.  Tell them all about your medical procedure regarding your heart and people will wish you well, but something that hurts your heart emotionally, shhhhh.  Just pretend everything is fine. 

I don't know who out there needs to hear this, but I call bull crap.  I'm proud of you for admitting you need some help and going to get it.  What a great thing to do for yourself and what an important thing to do for your marriage or family or whomever you're doing it with or for.  It's not usually an easy or comfortable process, but it's downright necessary and smart to go through it and come out safely on the other side.

On medication for depression, anxiety, whatever?  Doing yoga and meditation? Good for you!  You go girl, boy, they!  

Many of us are going through a rough time world wide right now because of Covid and its devastating physical, mental, and financial effects, and because George Floyd's life was senselessly and violently taken from him.  And what does one do about this as a loving and responsible citizen?  Good luck agreeing on whatever that is collectively.  Yeesh!  

Therapy might not look the same today as it did many months ago.  There are now virtual visits, phone calls, family helping family, friends helping friends from near and far, writing on your blog, reading other blogs and responding, emailing behind the blog, running, walking, going for a drive with your own taste of music blasting, creating your own individual form of art, working with your hands, cooking, etc.   Whatever healthy thing it is so many of us are on it.  Woot!  

People in my life are reaching out.  Some I haven't heard from in a really long time as friendships fade or go through phases, hurt feelings happen, and sometimes life just changes for us.  When the Covid stuff started sinking in with society worldwide in February and early March, one person surprised me by reaching out.  I found myself just appreciative that she was thinking of me and my family, asked after us, and wanted to convey her love and wishes for good health during this scary time.  I accepted that wholeheartedly and reached back to her with nothing but love, fond memories, and good wishes for her and her family.   In answering her initial and understandably tentative text, I responded to her need to reach out.  And, yes, she was asking after me, but what if she needed help from me in some way?  We both put everything that had been previously difficult between us aside and responded with love to one another.

This got me thinking and I thought that perhaps I should reach out to a few gals I had lost touch with, perhaps weren't the happiest with the way our friendships parted or whatever, and I swallowed my pride and offered my vulnerability.  I was successful in 3 cases and shot down out of the sky with an emotional scud missile in 1.  Woops!  Well, as Storm tells me, "Her response says much more about her and the kind of person she is (not nice) than it does about you."  Thank you, Honey!    

Recently, Storm and I binged watched 3 seasons of that series called The Ozarks.  My absolute favorite character was this young redneck lady named Ruth.  Her character is perpetually pissed off and has this twisted expression with her lips even more exaggerated than does the actress Holly Hunter.  Ruth has short blond curly hair that adds to her spitfire and pissed-off-edness.  She hardly has a line in the show that doesn't include some form of the word fuck.  Laughing!  At one point late in the show, Ruth gets the tar kicked out of her and is in the hospital.  When she finally awakens, her friends ask her how she is and she says in a tiny quiet southern accent, "It feels like somebody  took me apart and put me back together the wrong way."  I laughed out loud even as I murmured "awwwww!"  What a perfect way to describe what life sometimes does to us.

Later the meanest and most vengeful actor on that same show, Mrs. Snell, gives Ruth some surprisingly wise counsel, "Vulnerability is often seen as weakness when in actuality, it's the opposite.  It's strength."

It takes great strength for a person to get knocked down hundreds of times in life and to have the will to get back up.   A hundred?  Isn't that a bit much?  No, considering the fact that for every child of age, there are approximately 180 school days every year.  Ever had to deal with a bully?  And that's just childhood and only at school!

One thing I think people assume is that only when things are really really bad do we get counseling.  And I hope that is true because it's better than not getting it.  However, there are plenty of us our there who catch things in early and get into therapy to help us navigate some choppy weather before an actual tragedy hits.

Oh wow, look at what I discovered about Michelle Obama and Barack Obama.  She shares openly in her book Becoming (and in an interview with Oprah) that they sought marriage counseling.  I wonder if their friends gave up on them or said "Ah yeah, get back to me when all that is over because right now, you're just not good enough......"   Ya think?   Think any of her close friends said that to her in the White House?  And if they did, do you think she kept them as confidants?  We know her better.

I feel some people talk out of both sides of their mouths when they say there is no shame in getting mental or emotional help, but then treat you like there is once you admit it.   Unfortunately even doctors and therapists can make you feel less than.  Does yours look down on you when you come through the door?  Hopefully, not, but if so, it might be time to find a new one.  All I know is that when you come out of that door, virtual or otherwise, your loved ones should be looking up at you because it takes guts to face life instead of calling it quits.

Thursday, June 4, 2020

The Word Fuck

I absolutely remember the first time I ever said the eff word in front of anyone else. It was to Storm. We had been married exactly 1 year, we were in our little grey 4 door compact car, and I was wearing crotch-less pantyhose for the very first time.  People, this was back when you had to find a specialty lingerie shop to buy  them.   We did not know about sex aids and all that jazz except through those little magazine flyers that suddenly started arriving in our mail box one day.  I had come close to saying the eff word to Storm before during some sort of sexual activity together, but I hadn't yet summoned up the courage.  This was  before I got the courage to hand him a ping pong paddle and hop back on top of him and....... well........ you can imagine what happened from there.  

Anyway, Storm and I have always been the type of couple that are of the One and Done Club.  A snack and a nap afterwards, too.  No second rounds.   Until the above night in question. 
We were getting hot and heavy in the car in our driveway and I whispered fuck me.  Well. That was a kinky surprise to him so things escalated quickly and ended quickly for him.  Laughing.  (laughing with him not AT him. :)  )   We went up to our little love shack after that and Storm had a kinky surprise for me in the form of a second boner for the night and yes, I made good use of that for sure! 

Swearing was not a thing most of our lives.  For Storm, it still isn't, but me?  Oh, sure I dabble now because going 40 some years without it was just too long.  Anyway, I don't think I have ever sworn AT anyone.  I mostly say things here at home in frustration about whatever, but I can absolutely control it and not slip around other people that I know do not like it.  I don't want to hear anybody swearing at someone else even on television, but when people say certain cuss-words in certain contexts especially when I don't expect it, it makes me laugh.  Such was the case about 20'ish years ago when the internet was brand new to us and we all had AOL with that obnoxious log on noise.....kkkkkkrrrrrrr........... and then that little cartoon guy saying to AOL, "It took me forever to log on....... what's my password......Guide?!  Guide?"    Anyone remember that?   Anyhow, a friend sent me a midi file back then called The Word Fuck.   Today, there is only a youtube with the audio, which is the most important part.  Whatever the images may or may not be included in it are NOT relevant.   Just click on this link, make sure there are no little ears around at all, close your eyes and listen.   Again, ignore the screen.  Just listen....... and laugh.  And don't take any of the advice given, whatsoever!