I haven't been able to handle being bad for a while now, but I don't mean that I don't make mistakes or that I can't be my usual sassy self. All the times where I thought I wanted Storm to notice that I was being naughty in some way and carry out a deserved spanking is just not so much a desire anymore for me. I keep associating the spanking with not being good enough. Ugh! I told him a few months ago that I'm at a time in my life when I don't want to feel bad about myself or know that anybody is upset with me over anything. I try so hard to avoid that and make peace and it drives me insane when things go wrong. We all know this year has been a tough one for many people. I just can't take any more badness in the world right now. However, that doesn't take away our desire to work spanking in our lives. I'm more comfortable now with making the spanking something other than me being in trouble and it works better because I don't have to get to that difficult to reach space in my head where I feel bad and deserve a spanking when I'm not sure I do.
I want to be able to be myself. I want to swear and I don't want Storm telling me that I can't or it's not ladylike, etc. I don't have to stop swearing in order to be submissive or feminine or ....hang on for this one... intelligent. He has never minded it as long as I don't swear AT him, but I don't do that. I don't swear at anyone in real life except the unfortunate souls who find themselves on my television and they happen to be political idiots. Do I hear $2,000? Nope, only 600. Hmph.
I also like to smack Storm's rear end in a flirty or sassy way. Why do I need to feel that that is wrong of me if he enjoys me flirting with him like that? I have admired his butt since I was 16 years old. And, NO, I do not mean any kind of serious or play spanking thing with him. Neither of us wants that. In this particular case, I let something that some other ttwd wife said to me make me feel like that wasn't submissive of me or dominant of Storm if he allowed it. I gotta resist the urge that while learning from others' relationships, I need to be careful not to make something my own that doesn't fit me and Storm.
So where Storm and I are at in our relationship is that we're focused on team work and how we were in our sex life when this whole spanking thing started organically so many years ago. For that reason, I think what we have found is probably the truest form of expressing ourselves sexually. When I first starting blogging, I wrote about comparing where one falls on the kinky scale to ice cream flavors. It ranged from plain vanilla ttwd to Rocky Road D/S. We still find ourselves in the French Vanilla category, but, I fully realize this can and probably will change in the future, especially after having read Bonnie's latest post. Lots of stuff to digest there that might make even Willie pause, but hopefully not get a headache like I do when the world wide web of submissive and dominance discussions and practices overwhelm me. 😁 And where is NJ to give me an analysis of this post and Bonnie's, too? (Hello to NJ's Frank if you're reading this and tell your wife to get back to blog land. Please? lol ) I do know where NJ is and how she is. She's busy with chickens, growing muscular roosters, training a new puppy, and running Canada. And being at least a little bit bad naughty like all of us D/S gals!
