I am a spanko, no doubt, on the receiving end only. Not that I really needed verification, but I got it when we Potato Heads finally made it into the closet this past weekend. Storm had me bending over naked while he was behind me with the Loopy Johnny. He starts gently to warm me up.....and I just started getting turned on right away. Probably because it's been a long time and that poor potato magnet is getting a work out with getting moved all over the refrigerator lately and he's probably pissed at both of us, wishes he would fall off and roll under the fridge to forever be left alone doing what he does best -- potatoing, whatever that means.
I have been questioning and examining some things lately about D/s and DD and where Storm and I have been, are, and might be headed. I love the spanking for sure and even though it hurts, that's not the primary reason why I like it. I am discovering that my kinky relationship with Storm is NOT all about the spanking even though I think I may have blogged such a thing in the past. Don't get me wrong, it's a big part, but like I said we've been looking around for other options as alternatives to spanking because our ttwd is evolving. Interestingly, the longer I am in blog land and getting to know readers and others bloggers, the more I am finding out that several people who practice ttwd are not crazy about the spankings like I am.
For me, some form of spanking, whipping, etc. will always get my motor running. But, what about when it isn't meant to serve that sexual purpose? I got in just a bit of trouble this weekend while we were discussing future protocols that don't have anything to do with spanking. Specifically, we were discussing the possibility of some kind of a morning ritual. The setting up and implementing and going forward with the whole ttwd communication thing frustrates me as you know from my TTWD Magnification post. So I got impatient with Storm for sounding like he was asking me something instead of what I felt he should have been doing - telling me. So off into the closet we went. Yes, this is where I was just spanked 2 nights ago as referred to in the first paragraph, but that was more for a reconnect and to jump start our ttwd again and it turned sexy. Almost every time we have ever spanked, Storm receives sexual gratification and most times I do, too. But, not this time, which makes this spanking unique.
It wasn't anywhere near the worst one I have ever received, but it was the first time in all our ttwd years that he said, "We're going in the closet," and took me in there, told me to bend over, pulled my pants down himself, and whipped away for having been impatient with him. Well, hello, to you, Sir. I was a bit miffed, but not much more than a little pouty afterwards. He let me lie there and think about it afterward while he stared down at me, I presume. I could feel him standing over me, but I was hiding my face in a pillow, so I couldn't see him. And then, I just got up and decided not to make a big fuss. He hugged me and I thought about stiff arming him for half a second then remembered he told me that I have to hug him back even when I am mad, so I did. Then he told me two things, "I love you. And you love me." ( Okay, Barney the Dinosaur, and NO, I did not say that! Laughing.) He didn't trust me to say it back to him in that moment, I think. He had to be feeling vulnerable, too, having just asserted his authority in a way he has never done before then. (Spanking as part of role affirmation, mixed with maybe being disrespectful, mixed with me showing my submission has happened many times, as you know. But, this time as explained above is a first. And it felt different, did not turn me on, and it wasn't meant to.)
I also had to pay the price today for being naughty the other night. It was Monday night, after a great weekend. Both Storm and I were in the kitchen winding down almost ready to go to bed and I just happened to realize that the potato magnet had been on the freezer part all day long, which meant I was feeling well physically for more than 24 hours at time. Woo! Hoo! And just as I was explaining that to Storm, it hit me. He had not taken me in the closet at all that day....... we had all day, in between work and other things, but plenty of time for a quick minute or two for him to feel me up or want to look at my butt or whatever he wants to do in that closet. I wasn't disappointed that there was no spanking because we had just done that over the weekend. But, it upset me that he hadn't taken the liberties with me that he has absolute permission to when I am feeling well. I asked him why ...... silence. And I just said, "Please do not do this to me already. We just started again......." He didn't have much to say other than if he said anything it would sound like excuses. I was hurt.
Obviously upset, I finished whatever I was doing, got ready for bed and crawled in the bed with my panties ON. I waited for him to come to bed. The next thing I knew, he was standing at the side of the bed where I was lying and said, "Let's go in the closet." I almost didn't. I got up and went in there anyway, turned around when he came in and I saw that he had the Loopy Johnny in his hand. I flipped out. "Are you kidding me? I'm in trouble when you're the one who hurt me by not following through? I wasn't disrespectful at all. I'm just hurt." And I started to cry a bit. I didn't know what to do. Do I let him spank me because I've given prior permission for him to use his discretion? "You're going to hurt me (okay just sting my butt a bit), and that is all it will be is just pain and nothing else because I know you aren't even going to tell me WHY you're doing this. I don't know how you think that is going to solve anything." He said, "We needed to come in the closet to work through this. You are not in trouble. We're just working through this." Pffftt. That made zero sense to me and I said so. He repeated, "You're not in trouble." I realized that I was interfering with his judgment at a crucial moment in our TTWD, so I admitted, "Well, I will be when you find out what I did." He looked at me and then rubbed his head with one hand. "Behind my back?" Me, "Yes." Again, he put his hand to his head and rubbed. "What did you do?" The fight left me, "I took the potato magnet completely off the fridge/freezer. He's gone." As he stood there, he immediately and loudly dropped the Loopy Johnny on the carpet on purpose. Oh, shit. I forgot that it means I am telling him that I am not feeling well, which is stupid of me because that is the point of the entire thing.
So I decided to sit down since we were probably going to be in there a while and he sat down with me. He asked me what I did with it. And I just started laughing and could not stop. And then he started laughing at me as he is asking me, "Is he in the toilet?" I shake my head no and continue to laugh because I can't speak. "Did you throw him across the street to the golf course?" I shook my head 'no', but laughed harder because I had seriously thought about it when I first took him off the fridge when Storm had turned away. I then held it in my fist for about 15 minutes as I layed in bed waiting for him and I decided what to do. Finally, I was able to say, "I put him under your pillow." He wanted to know, "Why?" I said, "It's not my fault you didn't know it was missing. You're the one that didn't look. So if you went to sleep on it all night, that's your problem." So we laughed some more, then things got serious. We stood and he held me and said he was so sorry he hurt my feelings, that he'd had a very busy day with work, which I knew was true. He said, "I'm not spanking tonight." All the gas was out of him and then I felt really bad.
We got in bed again, me without my panties this time like I am supposed to and spooned. We talked softly for a while about all that had happened. I knew dog gone well that I should be spanked because of the whole potato thing because I did it on purpose. I took it off the fridge in hopes he would see that and come after me.... or something. I don't know. I seriously thought about throwing him to the golf course, and yes, even though I am old, my softball arm can still chuck objects quite far. But, I didn't want to lose the little guy as I quite like the idea of him helping us with our TTWD. I asked Storm if I could have permission to say something and he said yes. I asked that tomorrow, would he take some time to think if I should be in trouble or not for hiding the magnet. He said, "Yes. You were naughty." I apologized. We kissed and fell asleep.
The next day was a very busy day from morning until well after 10 pm, so I knew not to ask Storm any questions. Then Wednesday came along. After an hour or so of being in the kitchen doing whatever, he came to get me and said we're going in the closet. I stripped, bent over, and he started whipping me with the LP and lectured me, which is something he has often struggled with. Well, not this time, folks! I knew exactly why my ass was bare, but he reminded me anyway. He also set new parameters on what I was and was not allowed to do with our potato magnet system.
This post is all about the spanking, but it isn't all about the sexual spanking, which is an extremely important ttwd milestone for us this past week. Twice. I wonder what other slight but significant detours we'll soon be taking.........