Apparently, it is possible for a female octopus to strangle the male while mating, especially if she is a bit larger than he, having a bigger body and longer tentacles. Octopus couples touch each other with their arms when they are being aggressive or mating or both. (Sounds like they could use some genuine affection and a little bit of DD in their relationship.) In one particular case, after an impressive 15 minutes of mating, the female reached out her arm around the base of the male's mantle which prevented his gills from taking in water and thus he died from lack of oxygen. Then she dragged his ass back to her cave and ate him for dinner. Source: (Female Octopus Strangles Mate, Then Eats Him)
I also view every time Storm and I have sex that I am the submissive one because I am spreading my legs, no matter what position I'm in, although I don't remember the last time I was on top as I don't like it that way. I suppose if he told me to get on top and then gave me some kinky instructions, I could get into that, but I would still need him to be in control. I would make one submissive octopus if I had eight legs to spread!
In his book Spank Her!, author Devlin, O'Neil says, "Sex is often thought of as the ultimate submission, but I do not think this is true, since both parties submit to it. And in this thing we do, I have noticed that the girl often regains a measure of overt control by kneeling and taking charge of certain portions of her Top’s anatomy. That might look submissive to an outside observer, but I am here to tell you that the guy is not especially in charge of anything at this juncture."
I asked Storm to read the paragraph above and then answer the question, "Do you feel that when I am giving you a blow job on my knees that I am in control or is this proof of my submission? What about regular intercourse?"
Storm answers, "Intercourse is not both of us submitting. It's you gettin' fucked." Well, hello! Okay, then. Laughing. He tells me later he wants to clarify. "It's not that I see sex as you just laying there getting fucked by me. It's that I am penetrating you. Even if you were on top, I would still see it as me penetrating you. I also don't see a blow job as you being in control. It's you making me feel good. It's you servicing me, a form of submission." I am not surprised by any of his viewpoints. I ask him, "How did you see it when we were first married and having vanilla sex?" He says, "You were physically submitting to me then, too."
I ask, "How do you see it when you give me oral sex?" He replies, "I see it as me pleasuring you -- making you feel good." Personally, I don't see it as a submissive act on my part (or his), which is probably why I am not a huge fan of it. I do receive pleasure from it, but because it doesn't make me feel submissive, at this time in our DD,D/s, I am not particularly interested in it. I would, however, agree to Storm performing oral sex on me if he wants to. He said he'd do it more if his tongue was longer. Ha! We enjoyed that quite often when we were younger...... not so much in my submissive days.So how do you feel? Who is in charge when a woman gives a man a blow job? And does your opinion change if it's in a DD&D/s relationship where the husband is the Head of Household?
LoL Windy, who knew about the octopus? The things we learn from blogland.ReplyDelete
Great question and I'm really not sure. I agree on one level that neither partner is submissive, it's mutual pleasure. On the other hand, maybe it depends on whether the receiving partner is controlling the situation at all by verbal or physical direction. Still not sure that constitutes submission though. I guess I'm on the fence on this one lol. I have always seen intercourse as a dominant act.
I didn't know about the octopus either, but I learned it when I was looking for something other than the female praying mantis biting her mate's head of because most of us know that one already. LOL
Not being sure totally works. Probably the most accurate answer among us! :) Hugs, Windy
You had me going 'mmmmmmmmm' while I had my first cup of coffee this morning Windy... not necessarily a bad thing....ReplyDelete
Most often sex in our house is a "30 minutes - you naked on the bed" - the first time Sir Steve ordered it my immediate reaction was "welllllllll that's not very romantic is it?" BUT it works magic with my mind set. oh yeah!!! instant switch from partner to submissive ... I.N.S.T.A.N.T.
though I have to admit - if a blow job is on the agenda it plays with my head... I feel very in control when his cock is in my mouth.... I mean come on - what I could do??!! (evil grin) ...
Know what I do to get past the 'in control' thing?? In my head I stress the 'on my knees' ... and giving of pleasure... and in my case -- (taking big breath) Sir Steve knows blow jobs are difficult for me cause of past history... long ago and far away
Glad my post isn't a bad thing especially just because it's Monday and they usually suck. LOL
It is an opinion post all the way around, I think. You have a valid point of what could be done with your mouth around his cock (and teeth on standby) should you decide to suddenly get revenge or something. LOL
Aw, sorry for the trigger about blow jobs.
I do think of it as giving pleasure, too. Hugs, Windy
It all boils down to mindset for me, when it comes to sex- and hows it's done. As a stand alone do I find it submissive merely because he's entering me? No not at all. I am more of a 'submission has to cost you something's kind of girl for it to engage me. I do all sorts of submissive things throughout the day, but unless it is a requirement or has a time limit etc.. it's just something I do. Sex-when mutually beneficial is not D/s for me. ( I mean outside of the bonds- pun intended - if what others call BDSM sex). Now if B bends me over and just starts at it, for his sake only,or in an overt way that shows ownership, that's very much a submissive act.ReplyDelete
He by the way sees things very differently. He has long had the idea of sex being a dominant act all along. So as you can imagine this caused a few missteps along the way.
Oral sex on him is always a submissive act because it isn't something I'd choose lol. However him being complacent in his receiving doesn't do as much for me as him actually *#&@$ing my face, or holding my pony tail or whatever .
I've never viewed him performing oral sex in my as submissive. He chooses to do it-I don't ask and never have. His choice, his action.
Yes, mindset is probably the key as to how we all interpret.
"Submission has to cost you something type girl"..... interesting perspective. Do you mean that in the sense of you cannot submit if there isn't active dominance?
Yes, I get the missteps when we're not on the same page as our guys and vice versa. And this is tough one with sex because it is so personal. It would be a challenge if Storm and I thought of it differently. I guess I'm lucky that we view it mostly the same. We don't need more ttwd challenges. LOL
Okay...... onto your next comment!
Active dominance sort of way? Oerhaps. I mean if you use the definition " yield to the will of another" there has to be a will if another. Lol. So yes A/D for sure but also there is the yielding portion. Am I really yielding by passing the salt? Not exactly. Am I yielding by wearing something I don't want, or not using the internet or performing a certain act, yes. So active dominance and active submission ( not proactive submission) has me feeling the most submissive.Delete
Thanks for explaining.Delete
Okay lost my second comment which said, " sorry I got so excited seeing the publish button on my phone I hit it"ReplyDelete
Anyway to answer the first question, who's in control? Whomever you allow them to be in your head/heart. So ultimately, I'd say based on that given any situation a submissive is always in control to a degree. I once read a quote that basically said 'a sybmissive's point of view is the one that matters'. I view this on control not punishments etc. If B does something he believes is dominant and I don't, then does it matter? Sure it may build him up, but what sort of real foundation is there?
Laughing. The publish button -- Finally! Yay!Delete
The submissive always being in control seems counterintuitive to the point of ttwd to me, but I do think it's an interesting and more common than I thought point of view.
It doesn't sound ideal that the dominant would think something he is doing is dominant, but the submissive feels otherwise. I don't know if it matters. Depends on how sensitive an area it lies within, I guess. If it is something fairly insignificant, then maybe it doesn't matter. Not sure it should build him up and I wouldn't want to build a foundation on it, nope. Hugs, Windy
It is counterintuitive, but it is also a reality. The submissive chooses to be submissive thus realistically is in control. No we don't play the control card but without submission there is no dominance. One of the most dominant men I have ever known, okay THE most dominant man I have ever known, said that without submission there is no dominance. You can go bossing people around and threatening them ( or beating them lol) but if they refuse to submit you are not dominating.Delete
As for the submissive and dominant not seeing eye to eye on dominant action, well there is still obedience expected on the submissive side of the slash, so part of what the dominant need/wants is still fulfilled (assuming he wants it done with a submissive mindset . If not then all of it gets achieved. Lol).
I gotta go with a sports analogy here... March Madness and all. One team can be dominating the other team without that team submitting..... they'll be fighting back with all they have. They do not want to be controlled, but the superior team is in control of the game.Delete
Back in D/s land, some of us see the sub performing oral sex as submissive and some see it as really being in control and some of us don't know for sure how we feel about it. It all works out. :)
True but that's a different type of dominance. In a relationship dominance without submission can also be viewed as abuse .Delete
Well, for me, for now, I'm sticking with I'm submissive, Storm is dominant, and he makes the rules and doles out the discipline....and I am not in control of that, nor do I want to be. That's what works in my mindset. I wouldn't find it helpful for me to be thinking (or for him to be thinking) that I'm the one with the real control. That's all I've got for now! :)
Oh I don't go around believing I am in control. I abandon that mindset. Just saying that the reality is if I choose not to submit- that's it. I have however chosen to- and asked him to be in control. I *handed* him the power but I don't focus on that or it would never succeed .Delete
Got it! As I am learning here, I am going to have to be careful not to use my submission as a weapon. Eek. Not that I would do that maliciously... but, I am naughty sometimes. lolDelete
We pretty much have set aside the idea of submission. I still use it for fantasies, but it's not our reality. Yes, I'm the one spreading my legs, but before we ever begin I have to agree, not submit, just agree. Sometimes he loves me 'being in charge' and to please him (because it does nothing for me) I'll be in charge for the afternoon.ReplyDelete
On oral sex it's really not my thing, giving or receiving. On receiving I think I'm more like you, it's nice but I don't crave it or fantasies about it. As far as giving I don't think I'm great, adequate maybe, but not great. Thankfully he always seems pleased with my efforts.
Good for you and you guy for working on figuring out what fits your ttwd relationship. It makes sense that you see sex as an agreement. I'm sure lots of guys like their gal to take charge sometimes or even all the time. It's really good you're looking out for Nick's needs, too. Love that.
As far as the oral sex....I am sure you do just fine. Just keep your teeth out of the way as much as possible, which I am sure you know. I do remember asking Storm what he likes, what motion, licking or having it in my mouth and me head bopping up and down.... and how much attention to give the head of his cock. I didn't know until I asked! lol I am not surprised to hear Nick is pleased with your efforts. Sounds about right! lol
I do find it interesting that you've set the submission aside, but it is one of your fantasies. Doesn't that mean you want it? Although, sometimes things are better in our imagination and need to stay there. ? Hugs, Windy
There have been a lot of times, when he has commanded me not to come, or edged me, or kept me going when i would have stopped, when he has given me oral sex and i don't feel any less a submissive for it/or like i am the one in control. And when i give him a blow job, i still don't feel like i am the one in control, when he has his hand wrapped in my hair, controlling the speed, controlling the intensity, etc. The kind/type of sex we have doesn't negate the power exchange that is our D/s.ReplyDelete
Hi, Bleu! Welcome to my blog!Delete
Oh, yes, his hand around the hair, controlling all of it, I don't feel in control either. Yay! LOL
It makes sense that the sex and or positions and who is doing what doesn't change your power dynamic. Good for you guys. Sounds like you know what you're doing over there. Thanks for joining in here and please come back and join in anytime. I have added you to my blog roll. :) Hugs, Windy
These are very interesting questions. I am really interested to ask Hoss his opinion and see if it matches up with Storm's. I think you are correct though, positions, for me at least, always make me feel Hoss is in control.
Hi, Baker! It's good you found these interesting and that you're going to ask your hubby what he thinks, too. You are welcome to add conversation here or answer any question on your blog for March questions if you want. We need more conversations in the comment sections in blog land. I learn a lot from everyone. Hugs, WindyDelete
I think after reading many people regarding submission it is mostly the submissive who gives the dominant all the power. But I also believe it’s like any relationship.... there isn’t one answer since everyone has such a unique way of practicing.ReplyDelete
Regarding certain sexual acts I believe it’s about pleasing one another. Otherwise, even if it’s not your favorite act..... but it gets you in a certain mindset.... it’s still pleasing one another....
Hi, Minelle. It does make sense to me that submissives give the power to the domns at least initially. We are all different types of subs with many different valid viewpoints. Pleasure is what we would call it in our vanilla times and even the times in our lives now that things are more vanilla. Thanks for your input! Hugs, WindyDelete