I've been blogging a few years now and my perspective on my experience has changed here and there. Of course, when I was new, I had some misconceptions that got in my way. I had a couple events that tried to get in my way as well here and there which surprised me. A couple of gals showed me the ropes, some have traveled the entire path with me, and I have picked up some good friends along the way.
I don't think any of us ever intend to upset others with what we blog, but it happens nonetheless. There is power in the written word and mostly I hope we have all used that for the greater good, but we know how one person interprets something she has read does not mean that is the way another person will nor necessarily the way the author intended. But here are a couple of conundrums I found myself in a time or two:
1. When you write a post thinking it's really going to resonate.
Commenters: We have no idea what the flip you're talking about here.
Me: Can you just say you were confused without insulting me? Thx.
2. The opposite of #1. When you write a post, but think it sucks.
Commenters: We love this!
3. Person 1: You're such a great writer.
Person 2 : You apparently did not have the same 12th grade English teacher that I did.
Me: Here's a twist: Person 1 and Person 2 was the same person. Welcome to my blogging experience! I wanted to say that my 12th Grade English teacher didn't teach us how to put a stick up our asses! LOL
4. Blogger 1: You comment too quickly and invite too much conversation on your blog comments. You should wait 24 hours before you reply.
Me: This seemed counter-intuitive to me because while the main purpose of my blog is for me to write, it's usually to write something that will generate some conversation among whomever wants to join in the comment section so we can learn from one another.
Blogger 2: You wait too long to answer your comments.
Me: That's because I was worried about what Blogger 1 thought! I just went with what I was doing early and followed my natural inclination of answering comments after a few come in and then do that throughout the day as others arrive.
Blogger 1: You didn't follow the 24 hour rule.
Me: I don't remember agreeing to it or signing a contract! What the hell have I gotten myself into here?! LMAO
5. Blogger 1: Don't email too much with people. Let them get to know you through your blog. You should blog every few days.
Me blogging every few days.
Blogger 1: You blog too much. I can't keep up.
6. Blogger 1: We're the best of friends.
Me as a new blogger reading in blog land, I kept laughing and saying to myself, "There is no way Person A and Person B could even remotely be friends, let alone Group A and Group B........
Me 3 years later: FRAUD! You personally chased away 5 bloggers THAT I KNOW OF. LOL!
7. The standard "She said, she said." The what? You know.......
"You said she said that--"
"No, I didn't say she said it."
"Oh, so she didn't say that."
"Well, yeah, she said it, but I didn't say she said it."
Me: Etc..... So, it's more like I said she said you said she didn't say, no one said it, but it's true!
8. Deciding whether or not the person who has emailed you is who she says she is .........
Me: thankfully, it has always been true for me so far. Not that I wasn't suspicious especially at first, me being a scaredy cat 'n all regarding the big bad interwebs!
Example A: I truly thought that all bloggers and readers were anonymous and that even emailing they would stick with their blog names forever. I quickly learned otherwise!
That sounds like...ReplyDelete
I dunno, drama? *laugh*
I totally get the whole "I think this will resonate" thing and finding out you were wrong; I also get the whole "this isn't very good" thoughts about something you've written only to find out that everybody else thinks it IS.
*fixes spelling error* Okay, now, I'm ready.
It is drama and it's been a huge pain in my ass and almost made me quit blogging several times (not the stuff I posted here.)
Just being honest! I don't get spams or emails from strangers, weirdos, whatever. People just tend to say things directly to me that are (to me) offensive and pushy. (The rude people are no longer around.) Hugs, Windy
oh my you seem to have a lot of negative interaction between yourself and your readers.... I haven't had too much trouble in the past with negative nellies -- have had a couple of pushy readers recently - but people learn pretty quickly I push back. Had one recent reader go stomping off into the black void and I'm quite happy to see them go....... they were just too much work.ReplyDelete
The one thing I have a serious problem with - is liars. Can't tolerate them - at all! And once I'm lied to I don't ever fully trust again (which is truthfully my failing)
BUT ya know what?? you can't let the dumb ones get to you... hit the delete button if necessary - I LOVE the delete button!! powerful tool that button......... and shake them off......
Good advice, MorningStar! Thank you. And these were all bloggers who said this shit to me, I just didn't want to make that extremely obvious in the post, but don't mind whispering it down here in the comment section. LOL!Delete
Oh lying...not cool, you're right. And, yes, I can't let it all get to me. I wish I had some of that to do over again so I could handle it better (and stronger).
Laughing @too much work. Yep, we women are great...until we're not! Hugs, Windy
I'm sorry you fell in with someone who was nuts when you first began. It seems like you have come a long way to be able to recognize what that person had issues, not you. I always find it hard to picture the fact that a person will just out and our lie to another person. I guess I'm a little naive. I've run into a few trouble makers out here, but very few.ReplyDelete
I'd say you do you, but I think you already are. Good for you!
Thank you, PK! And thanks for always having my back. I wouldn't still be here without your continued support, gentle pushing (grin), and friendship. Hugs, WindyDelete
I too can relate to the first two, and No 7 makes my head spin trying to keep up lol. I think you summed it up well in your last paragraph. I would never tell anyone 'how' to blog. I'm sorry you have had such rudeness directed your way and am so glad you are still there (thank you PK:)
What I wrote about were definitely things that made me question what in the world was I doing here. I should have listened to my gut early on, but there was so much to unravel that I just kind of ignored it or was afraid to address it. Nevertheless, were and are lots of good people across blog land. I guess we just have to weed through and find out where we fit....and wait patiently for any wolf in sheep's clothing to wear herself out and leave. Thanks, Roz, for your support. Hugs, Windy
Nothing like taking someone new who is already fearful and insecure in a certain area, like blogging, and creating MORE fear and insecurity in them! Nothing like saying you're leaning in and giving over in one area of your life while trying to control an entire community! Ah, the irony is too much really. It'd be hilarious if it wasn't so damn hurtful and destructive. (Ps...is it you the writer, or me the reader who is supposed to wait 24 hours? LMAO) Anyway- I once let myself fall victim to the hurt caused by " Willie I have no idea what you are going on about here"...when it was an extremely positive post. Now I look back and think, that's because you have no idea how wonderfully deep ttwd can take you, and it's a reflection of you not me- but at the time, I took the post down. She took my wonderful experience that I was willing to share with everyone and shattered it - or I allowed myself to feel that way. After many bossy friends told me to put it back up, the other comments were so wonderful and joyful for my experience.ReplyDelete
As for the 12 th grade teacher thing, please, please tell me you were arguing the merits of the use of a semi-colon? Otherwise I think I've come to another area in which I am thinking " what the actual ****". And trust me in this story, where the wicked witch has been present for a while, I am SHOCKED I can still be shocked.
I want to reiterate, that it pisses me off to no end that someone would be so horrible. There are times sure when things get misinterpreted in the written word, but there are certainly things that cannot be misinterpreted. It pisses me off that your fore ray into blogging was nothing like it was for me. Blogging became my safe haven and the friendships I created at the start are still very deeply connected to me. Were there some that went by the wayside? Sure. Did it hurt, yes but when I think about it now, perhaps it hurt my ego more than my heart- I mean no one wants to be rejected.
I'm not sure how much I have been lied to but I do know that I have been lied about. And yes it has destroyed my public 'image' for many people- but it also weeded out people I didn't need I suppose in my life. My friends, true friends have always been by my side- and I hope that for you your continued blogging will provide more and more of those type friends and deepen the relationships you already have- ( now that the water has been thrown on the wicked witch and she's melted...no doubt in the 'classiest' of ways...snort).
I think we've all been hurt and confused by comments at times, but in your case you described, it wasn't an innocent misunderstanding. That was just mean and unnecessary. I wish you would have left it up because other bloggers would have put her in her place. But, I am glad your bossy friends said put it back up and let it have the positive impact that it was meant to have in the first place. Good for you.
No, there was no semi colon discussion...wasn't even a discussion, just a response to something I wrote, I guess. What's a bit funny is that the comment pissed me off so much that I challenged myself. I wrote one of the best things I have ever written just to undo the damage of her judgment. The comments from blog land on that piece of writing made me feel vindicated, especially the one from an blogger who was an English teacher. Also, the rude blogger had to eat her words. :)
Yeah, I was on the receiving end of a lie told about you when I didn't ask and didn't even know who you were. But, it was big enough to scare me away as a new blogger. Grrrr.
In the end, you're right about true friends. We'll find them and keep them.
Blogging is so much better for me now that I can truly be myself. I enjoyed parts of it even when it was stressful, but it feels different this past year in a very good way and for that I am grateful. The gals here are very supportive and engaging. I LOVE when discussions get going on any of our blogs and everybody jumps in. That is fun, special, and we learn from one another.
Talk to you in 24 hours! lmao Thanks for all your support, Willie. It means a lot to me. Hugs, Windy
People are wonderful aren't they? I had someone tell me once that 90% of people are good. I always wondered why I never seemed to meet these people? I have had a rare few instances of having met good people (you of course being one of them).
I get the whole scaring you off of things though....I had given up commenting a few summers ago, but decided to try one last time with a blogger (who no longer blogs sadly). She and I have become great friends over the last few years and she is the reason I kept commenting. Unfortunately, she refuses to come back because of the judgments passed by fellow bloggers and commenters.
Now I have learned not to listen to the negative and to try to take all comments in a positive way. I have also found the beauty in watching people grow in their blogs.
Keep blogging my friend, you give me such joy to read what you think.
Oh my gosh, your sense of humor tickles my funny bone. I laughed out loud at your first paragraph about the 90 percent and where the heck are they. LMAO! It's hilarious because it's TRUE for me, too. I sometimes want to ask where are these good people and so many of them, at that? Not in my country! LOL Storm and I are mostly "people avoiders." Oh, boy!
Oh, wow, I didn't realize you were a reader in blog land for so long. Good for you that you gave it another shot at commenting and you made a great friend because of it! Yay! It sucks she won't come back to blogging though. Please remind her that I think the least judgmental gals are around these days. I truly think we're trying to be better about that all across D/s and DD blogs. I know I am trying not to be so scared, to get to know the blogger through conversations on their blogs and then that helps me accept how their practices are different from mine and not judge it.
Good idea to try to take all comments positively. That's probably how they're meant anyway except in rare cases. I am trying to work on this.
Thanks, Boo, for your friendship and for not giving up on me when I disappear into the shadows for a bit for health reasons and family stuff. You make blog land enjoyable with your fun and thoughtful comments. Hugs, Windy
Late to this post :) I got some catching up to do around here!ReplyDelete
Well as the 'newbie' to the pack lol, for me I do worry about offending people, if have or did then it wouldn't be intentional, as you said the written word can be open to interpretation and what may come across as fine to one person could very well not to another. In this circumstance I should like to think if someone did take offence or whatever they would ask me to clarify what I meant so I would have the opportunity to clear up any misunderstanding.
Ultimately we all have things going on in our lives that may effect at times how much we blog, when we can get to comments, when we can comment on someone else's blog etc. I am sorry you have had these experiences, not nice at all, the way I look at is that if someone is putting themselves out here and letting people in, then for goodness sake if you can't say anything nice say nothing at all! That's not to say everybody should be agreeable with everything people say, not at all, but one can still offer a differing opinion without needing to be rude or inappropriate.
I agree with your analysis. Most bloggers are going to get that and be kind and if we can't comment on a post without feeling rude, we know to skip that post. There are going to be misinterpretations and sometimes disagreements even among friends. That isn't a problem if we handle ourselves well, and apologize and forgive each other easily when we've had an off day or were crabby or whatever.
To put your mind at ease as a new blogger, the trouble above was truly caused by mostly 1 person who no longer blogs or comments. I just didn't want to make that extremely obvious in the post itself. Nobody appeared to stand up to this person while she did her damage as a wolf in sheep's clothing. Most of it was also stated in communications off and away from the blog where one feels alone, thinks the problem is their own, and certainly isn't going to take a chance and confide in someone else for fear of being ostracized herself.....until enough is enough and then you don't care if that person includes you anymore because they suck anyway! lol
Your style of blogging and conversation seems healthy to me, Claire, and I am sure the others feel the same way. You're kind, honest, and sensitive to others. You're doing great and we're glad to have you in blog land. No worries. Hugs, Windy