Submissive Writing Prompt #1 When did you first realise you had submissive feelings and how far have you embraced those feelings?
Way back in 1990, our very first spontaneous spanking activity occurred during sex --I literally hopped off of him, grabbed the ping pong paddle from the other side of the room, hopped back on top of him, handed it to him, and said, "Use this." And he did. Doesn't sound very submissive, does it? Actually, it sounds kind of dominant or in the very least, like topping from the bottom? Laughing. We'd never heard of that phrase thirty years ago. (Wish I never heard of it now because of my misconceptions, but some nice people set me at ease on that recently.) Little did I know at the time that that impromptu spanking activity would lead us to dabble in a bit of D/s. I spent lots of time during our Borders Book Store days with Storm in the computer science section and me in the romance section. But, the rare kinky books were in the self-help section, the literature section, and even worse, the anthology section, and I only found that out by wandering while keeping my head sideways so I could read the titles. It was uncomfortable to stand in that section if someone else came along wanting to be in that same area, but pretended not to know what was really there. I discovered the Sleepy Beauty trilogy, which was a lot for me. I don't think that I made it past the first book. But, it obviously pushed some buttons that I didn't know I had.
I didn't really think too much about being submissive in any other way than I was the female and he was the male so that automatically made me the "s" part and him the "D" part. (obviously some couples are reverse or not cisgender, etc. :) ) I just thought I was kinky and Storm enjoyed being along for the ride. We ordered a few things out of those sex toy catalogs that would show up in our mailbox, then after several more years when we began to have internet access from home, we ordered a vibrator and later a buttplug. *Blink Blink* Please don't fall over as I have NEVER mentioned that here or even to my closest kinky gal pals.... Umm, surprise?! Those are allowed now, didn't y'all know? Seriously, I am finally feeling a little more free to share some things that fall outside of what I was taught, what I felt, and what I misunderstood was tolerable on a dd blog. Now that I am reeducating myself, (thank you to all my contributors, you know who you are) I know many gals and guys are more open minded than I originally was led to believe and I am definitely more open minded myself. I imagine that I have scared exactly negative 3 people away with these comments, but if I have somehow chased someone off, then I am okay with that as well because this is the next right thing for me as a submissive wife and a blogger. There, that was being mature about it, now let me say what I really want to say. There's this old book called the bible that talks about how we are hypocrites because we are quick to point out the splinter in someone else's eye when we should be examining the board in our own. So before we judge what someone likes to put in their butt, maybe we should remove the giant stick out of our own. How's that? Laughing. And, no, we do not practice CDD. We practice a progressive (liberal) form of Christianity and we practice Domestic Discipline, but ne'er the 2 shall meet for us.
Back on track. In 2009, I discovered Domestic Discipline online. From one of my very first blogging posts in 2018, I shared:
The kind of articles I found were surprising. The topics were well covered. Some of the articles were about how to spank your wife, the importance of a warm-up and aftercare, the HOH being thorough, why some women want to submit and follow their husbands as the leaders in their homes, the energy flow from male to female, among others. I was fascinated. I have no idea why these things spoke to me except that I knew I wanted to feel what it is they were talking about. I had never seen anything like this!
To answer the question of this post prompt,it is in that exact moment when I knew I was feeling submissive to Storm. I felt hot, embarrassed, sexually stimulated, and slightly nauseous reading it, but I was absolutely fascinated..... was this really me? Or at least part of me? Did I want this? Would Storm do this with me? When we had a discussion after we both had time to read many of the articles on that site, we found some of it too intense for us (we're all about consent), too over the top regarding bringing religion into it, and so we left a lot of that alone. However :
What did appeal to us was the explanations of reasons for the different kinds of spankings, the sort of catharsis a woman can feel after her husband has spanked her, stress relief, the message that a woman wanting to submit to her husband in body and in mind was actually okay, how the husband might feel being more dominant, etc.
So that was 12 years ago, but I remember that feeling well and it actually hit me hard (ha!) again recently when we both visited a DD website that we've never been to before. Again, some of it was too over the top for us so I don't want to publicly share the link, but I felt nearly the exact same things as I did the first time when I was exposed to to a similar kind of DD site. Spanking is mostly submissive for me, but so is kneeling, giving Storm blow jobs, making him lunch, making myself follow our few rules even when I am angry and I don't feel like it (still working on this one!), obeying his commands such as bending over when he tells me to and getting naked when he wants to get up in my lady business....... some of that turns me on immediately ......other things take the edge off of my irritated mood, some make me feel calmer, some I feel like his helper, but ALL of it makes me feel softer, more settled, feminine, and desired and therefore, tuned into my submission to Storm.
Twelve years later, how far have I embraced these feelings? Not deeply enough, dear readers, not nearly far enough. Please stay tuned.