How Sub Can You Go?

Submissive Writing Prompt #1    When did you first realise you had submissive feelings and how far have you embraced those feelings?

Way back in 1990, our very first spontaneous spanking activity occurred during sex --I literally hopped off of him, grabbed the ping pong paddle from the other side of the room, hopped back on top of him, handed it to him, and said, "Use this." And he did.  Doesn't sound very submissive, does it?  Actually, it sounds kind of dominant or in the very least, like topping from the bottom?  Laughing.  We'd never heard of that phrase thirty years ago.  (Wish I never heard of it now because of my misconceptions, but some nice people set me at ease on that recently.) Little did I know at the time that that impromptu spanking activity would lead us to dabble in a bit of D/s. I spent lots of time during our Borders Book Store days with Storm in the computer science section and me in the romance section. But, the rare kinky books were in the self-help section, the literature section, and even worse, the anthology section, and I only found that out by wandering while keeping my head sideways so I could read the titles. It was uncomfortable to stand in that section if someone else came along wanting to be in that same area, but pretended not to know what was really there.  I discovered the Sleepy Beauty trilogy, which was a lot for me.  I don't think that I made it past the first book. But, it obviously pushed some buttons that I didn't know I had.

I didn't really think too much about being submissive in any other way than I was the female and he was the male so that automatically made me the "s" part and him the "D" part. (obviously some couples are reverse or not cisgender, etc. :) ) I just thought I was kinky and Storm enjoyed being along for the ride.  We ordered a few things out of those sex toy catalogs that would show up in our mailbox, then after several more years when we began to have internet access from home, we ordered a vibrator and later a buttplug.  *Blink Blink*  Please don't fall over as I have NEVER mentioned that here or even to my closest kinky gal pals....  Umm, surprise?!  Those are allowed now, didn't y'all know?  Seriously, I am finally feeling a little more free to share some things that fall outside of what I was taught, what I felt, and what I misunderstood was tolerable on a dd blog.  Now that I am reeducating myself, (thank you to all my contributors, you know who you are) I know many gals and guys are more open minded than I originally was led to believe and I am definitely more open minded myself.  I imagine that I have scared exactly negative 3 people away with these comments, but if I have somehow chased someone off, then I am okay with that as well because this is the next right thing for me as a submissive wife and a blogger.  There, that was being mature about it, now let me say what I really want to say.  There's this old book called the  bible that talks about how we are hypocrites because we are quick to point out the splinter in someone else's eye when we should be examining the board in our own.  So before we judge what someone likes to put in their butt, maybe we should remove the giant stick out of our own.  How's that?  Laughing.  And, no, we do not practice CDD.  We practice a progressive (liberal) form of Christianity and we practice Domestic Discipline, but ne'er the 2 shall meet for us.

Back on track.  In 2009, I discovered Domestic Discipline online.  From one of my very first blogging posts in 2018, I shared: 

The kind of articles I found were surprising. The topics were well covered. Some of the articles were about how to spank your wife, the importance of a warm-up and aftercare, the HOH being thorough, why some women want to submit and follow their husbands as the leaders in their homes, the energy flow from male to female, among others. I was fascinated. I have no idea why these things spoke to me except that I knew I wanted to feel what it is they were talking about. I had never seen anything like this!

To answer the question of this post prompt,it is in that exact moment when I knew I was feeling submissive to Storm. I felt hot, embarrassed, sexually stimulated, and slightly nauseous reading it, but I was absolutely fascinated..... was this really me?  Or at least part of me?  Did I want this?  Would Storm do this with me?  When we had a discussion after we both had time to read many of the articles on that site, we found some of it too intense for us (we're all about consent), too over the top regarding bringing religion into it, and so we left a lot of that alone.  However : 

What did appeal to us was the explanations of reasons for the different kinds of spankings, the sort of catharsis a woman can feel after her husband has spanked her, stress relief, the message that a woman wanting to submit to her husband in body and in mind was actually okay, how the husband might feel being more dominant, etc.

 So that was 12 years ago, but I remember that feeling well and it actually hit me hard (ha!) again recently when we both visited a DD website that we've never been to before.  Again, some of it was too over the top for us so I don't want to publicly share the link, but I felt nearly the exact same things as I did the first time when I was exposed to to a similar kind of DD site.  Spanking is mostly submissive for me, but so is kneeling, giving Storm blow jobs, making him lunch, making myself follow our few rules even when I am angry and I don't feel like it (still working on this one!), obeying his commands such as bending over when he tells me to and getting naked when he wants to get up in my lady business.......  some of that turns me on immediately ......other things take the edge off of my irritated mood, some make me feel calmer, some I feel like his helper, but ALL of it makes me feel softer, more settled, feminine, and desired and therefore, tuned into my submission to Storm.

   

Twelve years later, how far have I embraced these feelings?   Not deeply enough, dear readers, not nearly far enough. Please stay tuned. 

Punishment and Reward?

Theoretical scenario:  If I am smarting off or being impatient with my husband, and then he spanks me, but then I just go on fairly soon back to the same behavior, doesn't  that mean that whatever we're doing isn't working?  If this dd thing is working for the reasons we set it up to be, I would think I would be getting less spankings...... wouldn't I?  *Looks around*  Wouldn't you?  

Of course, this brings out the obvious: that many of us are spankos. But, are we specifically choosing dd (and sometimes calling it ttwd) so that there are almost always spankings?  How can spanking be both the punishment and the reward?  I think this has been part of my own internal struggle.  For those of us who have things other than spanking or in addition to it that we desire and/or that "pushes our yummy buttons," I still ask the same question.  How can action by the dominant partner be administered and then received by the submissive as both the punishment and the reward? 

I understand that some have their dynamic set up where there is such thing as a reward type spanking.  But, for me, it can never be a reward because that doesn't fit in my ideal headspace.  It would fit nicely in the D/s area just like it used for me before I stumbled upon an area of opinion on the internet and led me into thinking classic dd was the only way to have the spanking thing work as discipline.  Looking back over my blogging years, I was and still am wanting to explore my submissiveness, but I was sometimes embarrassed around others (virtually) by that label because I learned not every wife associates spanking with submission (although I don't see how that is even possible unless it's only "play.")  Obviously dd is a label, too, but it was the very one that many of us were trying to find our place in, so there was a community that seemed to accept mainly that. 

It's my own fault for feeling influenced by statements such as, "My partner would never hurt me (punish).  Spank me, yes."  Huh?  First of all, semantics.  Second, if the spanking doesn't hurt, then no wonder why we keep going back to it.  We aren't intimidated by it.  It isn't a deterrent.  Because it's a kink?  Apparently one that is more about the idea of spanking, being told to bend over, and a bit of the feels of the physical impact sometimes followed by sex, which is fine, but for some of us it is not the complete answer.  

Even if it truly hurts enough or is just slightly more than one prefers, overall it still seems like a rewarding situation.  Or could it simply be the cycle of being disciplined for reasons established ahead of time, accepting one's punishment, and then cashing in the rewards of the whole dynamic?  If spanking is NOT a kink for you, then that is or can be a whole different ball game with a new set of rules.  I think.  

In his book, Spank Her!, the late great Devlin O'Neil offers some insight:

"There might be a girl who needs very much to be spanked, but who would never ask for such a thing. She may, however, go to great lengths to find a man who can satisfy that need, and then do whatever it takes to let him know what she requires. These are often girls who give themselves to one man only, and then only when he proves he will come and get her, then do whatever is necessary to sort her out. This girl desperately needs boundaries, and at the same time she will fight desperately against having any such boundaries imposed. Only when this man has shown her, usually by spanking her bottom hard and making her listen to him when he tells her that she has no choice but to accept the boundaries he thinks best for her, will she accept that he is in charge and come to him fully. She accepts this change of attitude gratefully, if not always graciously, but is the sort of girl who easily forgets the lessons of the past, so that he must repeat them often. She does not forget these lessons because she is stupid, but because it is too easy for feelings of insecurity to cloud her judgment, for her to lose that sense of his presence if she is not actually in his arms or across his lap, and for her to want to push the boundaries again, just to see if he is still there to..."

Hmm.  I think there are many angles to look at this.  What's your angle?  Please share with me.

Life is like ......

Some like it just barely browned and still slightly soft.  Others like it evenly browned and a little crunchy.  Still others like it very brown and quite hard.  And lastly, there are a few of us who like it partially burned so that it scrapes the roof of our mouths with that slightly bitter blackness sweetened with just the right amount of butter (not the fake stuff!)  There are always crumbs......... sometimes it's soft, scratchy, light, dark, patterned, half done, overdone....... By now your mind is either way in the gutter and you're wondering what sick thing Windy has discovered and  you're looking up "toast" to see what ridiculously disgusting thing the Urban Dictionary has said it is...... or you just know that I am talking about simple toast!  Okay, I just looked it up myself and was surprised to find nothing disgusting and actually one definition of toast is "a very hot guy."  Hmm, Storm is toast.  Yumm.

Some people like to give you just the crumbs.... ever had one of those relationships?  Pfft.  We get  burned out like toast that we've pushed down too many times to get it just right, but we left it in there way too long.   Right in the garbage that goes!   I bet the garbage's most common food is burnt toast.  Unless your mom was like mine and we'd smell the burn and hear the near frantic scritch scratch, scrape and she's standing over the sink with the toast and a darkened knife until the toast is a little less black but looks biffed and battered and frankly, like someone took a lit 60 grit sandpaper to it.  Apparently my mom never outgrew this habit because when my daughter was little, my mom gave her a piece of toast like that and she said, "Gwamaw, this toast is dirty!"  Obviously, we kept the toaster on "light" at our house.

Ever have somebody change the setting on the toaster and then it gets burned or not done enough so you press it out down for the 2nd time and it ends up burned even though you're standing right there watching it?  The problem is you were thinking about something else so you didn't notice until you started smelling the bitter burn!  

I know the popular phrase, "your ass is grass"......... but, if you're a D/s wife, it's more likely your ass is toast.  But, unlike toast, your ass does go back to the way it was:  all fresh with no pink and ready to be made toasty again!

This post was inspired by the phrase, "I’m afraid that there is no cure for burnout. After all, you can’t untoast toast."  -- Ella Dawson  

How do you like your toast and are you feeling like someone has pushed you down one too many times in the toaster?