Friday, April 22, 2022

How Sub Can You Go?

Submissive Writing Prompt #1    When did you first realise you had submissive feelings and how far have you embraced those feelings?



Way back in 1990, our very first spontaneous spanking activity occurred during sex --I literally hopped off of him, grabbed the ping pong paddle from the other side of the room, hopped back on top of him, handed it to him, and said, "Use this." And he did.  Doesn't sound very submissive, does it?  Actually, it sounds kind of dominant or in the very least, like topping from the bottom?  Laughing.  We'd never heard of that phrase thirty years ago.  (Wish I never heard of it now because of my misconceptions, but some nice people set me at ease on that recently.) Little did I know at the time that that impromptu spanking activity would lead us to dabble in a bit of D/s. I spent lots of time during our Borders Book Store days with Storm in the computer science section and me in the romance section. But, the rare kinky books were in the self-help section, the literature section, and even worse, the anthology section, and I only found that out by wandering while keeping my head sideways so I could read the titles. It was uncomfortable to stand in that section if someone else came along wanting to be in that same area, but pretended not to know what was really there.  I discovered the Sleepy Beauty trilogy, which was a lot for me.  I don't think that I made it past the first book. But, it obviously pushed some buttons that I didn't know I had.

I didn't really think too much about being submissive in any other way than I was the female and he was the male so that automatically made me the "s" part and him the "D" part. (obviously some couples are reverse or not cisgender, etc. :) ) I just thought I was kinky and Storm enjoyed being along for the ride.  We ordered a few things out of those sex toy catalogs that would show up in our mailbox, then after several more years when we began to have internet access from home, we ordered a vibrator and later a buttplug.  *Blink Blink*  Please don't fall over as I have NEVER mentioned that here or even to my closest kinky gal pals....  Umm, surprise?!  Those are allowed now, didn't y'all know?  Seriously, I am finally feeling a little more free to share some things that fall outside of what I was taught, what I felt, and what I misunderstood was tolerable on a dd blog.  Now that I am reeducating myself, (thank you to all my contributors, you know who you are) I know many gals and guys are more open minded than I originally was led to believe and I am definitely more open minded myself.  I imagine that I have scared exactly negative 3 people away with these comments, but if I have somehow chased someone off, then I am okay with that as well because this is the next right thing for me as a submissive wife and a blogger.  There, that was being mature about it, now let me say what I really want to say.  There's this old book called the  bible that talks about how we are hypocrites because we are quick to point out the splinter in someone else's eye when we should be examining the board in our own.  So before we judge what someone likes to put in their butt, maybe we should remove the giant stick out of our own.  How's that?  Laughing.  And, no, we do not practice CDD.  We practice a progressive (liberal) form of Christianity and we practice Domestic Discipline, but ne'er the 2 shall meet for us.

Back on track.  In 2009, I discovered Domestic Discipline online.  From one of my very first blogging posts in 2018, I shared: 

The kind of articles I found were surprising. The topics were well covered. Some of the articles were about how to spank your wife, the importance of a warm-up and aftercare, the HOH being thorough, why some women want to submit and follow their husbands as the leaders in their homes, the energy flow from male to female, among others. I was fascinated. I have no idea why these things spoke to me except that I knew I wanted to feel what it is they were talking about. I had never seen anything like this!

To answer the question of this post prompt,it is in that exact moment when I knew I was feeling submissive to Storm. I felt hot, embarrassed, sexually stimulated, and slightly nauseous reading it, but I was absolutely fascinated..... was this really me?  Or at least part of me?  Did I want this?  Would Storm do this with me?  When we had a discussion after we both had time to read many of the articles on that site, we found some of it too intense for us (we're all about consent), too over the top regarding bringing religion into it, and so we left a lot of that alone.  However : 

What did appeal to us was the explanations of reasons for the different kinds of spankings, the sort of catharsis a woman can feel after her husband has spanked her, stress relief, the message that a woman wanting to submit to her husband in body and in mind was actually okay, how the husband might feel being more dominant, etc.

 So that was 12 years ago, but I remember that feeling well and it actually hit me hard (ha!) again recently when we both visited a DD website that we've never been to before.  Again, some of it was too over the top for us so I don't want to publicly share the link, but I felt nearly the exact same things as I did the first time when I was exposed to to a similar kind of DD site.  Spanking is mostly submissive for me, but so is kneeling, giving Storm blow jobs, making him lunch, making myself follow our few rules even when I am angry and I don't feel like it (still working on this one!), obeying his commands such as bending over when he tells me to and getting naked when he wants to get up in my lady business.......  some of that turns me on immediately ......other things take the edge off of my irritated mood, some make me feel calmer, some I feel like his helper, but ALL of it makes me feel softer, more settled, feminine, and desired and therefore, tuned into my submission to Storm.
   

Twelve years later, how far have I embraced these feelings?   Not deeply enough, dear readers, not nearly far enough. Please stay tuned. 



Submissive Reflection

12 comments:

  1. Hi Windy, I enjoyed reading your response to this prompt. So glad to hear you are now comfortable to share more here. I too used to suffer from the what can and can't I say on a dd blog.

    For me feeling submissive and feminine are intertwined. I'm not sure I could fully be submissive jn the 24/7 sense. Rules etc was an aspect of dd I struggled with.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi, Roz! Thank you. It was hard to know what parts to bring to light from the original post because most people who read here already know our dynamic, but perhaps not all? I am getting more comfy with sharing. I am sorry you hear that you used to be stressed by what to say/not say sometimes, too. Boooo! lol Oh well, we're bringing it to light, eh? And hopefully we all can share more than we used to if the situation calls for it.

      I'm with you on the intertwined submissive and feminine probably because in part I was a serious collegiate athlete. I wouldn't want a ton of rules.....we have just a couple.....still trying to figure it all out or I should say re-evaluate once again, but it does seem to be going better this time around. We're trying to mix the D/s and DD a lot more this time around as well and I think it's helping put less stress on the DD. I will probably be blogging about that sometime soon. Unless I get sidetracked, then who knows! Thanks for all your participation here and in blogland, Roz. You are valued. Hugs, Windy

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  2. I find it amusing that the butt plug was/is A Big Deal. *laugh*

    (I don't mean that in a laughing-at-you way, but in a laughing-with-you way. We all have things that are like "...but I like it..." -- said in an embarrassed squeaky-mouse voice -- that feel Big to us but that other people don't even blink at.)

    Your description of the first time with the paddle also had me grinning. And taking out the concept of Dom/sub, but just thinking about top/bottom (topping FROM the bottom is a can of worms I refuse to,open), it seems to me that when you are both just relaxed and natural -- you saying, "use this" and him enjoying doing so -- things in the kink department seem to run smoothly. You enjoy being topped; he enjoys topping you when he knows what you want.

    Given your recent concerns about "all that" (for lack of a better word), perhaps looking at What Worked without wondering about the "proper submissiveness" (or whatever) would be helpful?

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    1. Hi, Feve! I'm glad you clarified that you're laughing with me and not at me. If something can be taken the wrong way in blogland, I usually land on the wrong side of the fence. lmao But, I'm working on it! *chucks fence* Also, interesting you said "feels big to us" when talking about the subject of wearing a butt plug ...as in might feel small to someone else. Hopefully it doesn't get lost up there! GAH!

      Okay, if YOU won't open that can of worms....you know things, so I feel justified in being afraid of the phrase and the action! I was right to hide behind the fence on that one,maybe! Laughing.

      You think our first paddling experiment was cute, eh? But, your point is that we seem to go with the flow when we experiment naturally in our dynamic.... I like that. Thank you for pointing that out. It makes me feel better and gives me another (more natural) way to look at what we do or want to do instead of worrying about "what it means to everybody else".

      Yes....also *chucks 'proper submissivness'* out the door! You've been very helpful, Feve. Thank you so much! Hugs, Windy

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  3. Yeah the Sleeping Beauty , first book was too much for me too- looking back though it was probably due to the fact there not a connection between people. Which is how I arrived here, in blogland . I read a few blogs ( none which are sadly in existence or up anymore- save Roz's which is collecting dust. Lol). Most people wrote of the connection they found through DD and that is what I wanted in our marriage. It wasn't until we started ttwd that Pandora's box really opened and the feeling of being submissive became so freeing. It was like a drug and I wanted/ needed more. The more he flexed the deeper I went but also the deeper I took myself as well. I too started questioning my past, how I came to be who I originally thought I was. I was very fortunate to find myself surrounded by (mostly) understanding people who not only cheered me on but helped me uncover more of myself. Sometimes by understanding other times by guiding my thoughts to more open horizons. Annnnd also mocking me for NOT having used a butt plug at that point! Lol. Let's just say " We're not in Kansas anymore Toto".

    I did fall victim to many misleading quotes from the blogisphere- " topping from the bottom" fortunately wasn't one. Luckily when B first heard it he said, " a 'bottom' can only top if a Top ALLOWS it" so my words were free to be used as Intel instead.

    Don't spank in anger was one that threw B for a loop for a long time. What kind of BS advice is that for a DD couple? Don't spank if you're ranging. But how do you muster up conviction if you're no longer angry about the situation?? You don't. Once I was spanked while he was angry the difference was definitely noted and that quote for tossed from then on. I wrote a blog post on it and the submissive response was overwhelming. They felt the same way as I did, and their Dom's had a hard time understanding because it was drilled into them at every turn. Don't spank if you're out of control, but it's hard to feel authentic if the emotions are not there.

    It's hard to rewire one's self. Even harder when 2 people have to do it. Starting again, is far more challenging than beginning. I'd say: Allow yourself to fail and more importantly talk through what you see as his shortcomings. It's not easy to do, I can honestly say I suck at it. But I can also honestly say ( even though you were told not to utter this on your blog) the Dom's/Hohs/ your leige/ the Grand Poona, they do suck at times too!!!

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    1. Hi, Willie! Ah, good observation that it maybe wasn't what they were doing in the book rather than the missing emotional connection. I agree we are looking for deeper connections in our marriages.....and connections in blogland as well and for many reasons known and unknown some of those connections either went haywire or people felt they had enough dd/ttwd friends and didn't need more....or there was too much criticism so some went back into hibernation or became "one way to do things" people....I dunno. People are weird. lol However when you talk about your early days, the learning environment sounds absolutely amazing and I am very happy for you that you had the support that was needed for you to discover yourself. I hear you on the buttplug jabs! Poor Toto??! lmao

      Glad to hear that top/bottom quote did not affect you because of Barney's words early on. Intel indeed. lol

      Ah, I forgot about "don't spank in anger" comments because Storm is hard to rile up AT ALL, so I haven't thought much about that. Wait, I do TRY to rile him up though to get a freaking reaction sometimes! Love, "what kind of bs advice...for a dd couple?" Wish I could go back and insert that phrase in the comment sections in blog land and especially in some of my emails over the years! LOL Would have loved being part of that submissive response to your post.

      Starting again does suck.....and laughing @ the Grand Pooba (which brought up Fred and Barney cartoons with their lodge hats on when I looked up the reference!!) do suck sometimes. As upsetting as that can be to talk about with one another, it is absolutely necessary (I'm working on my form) to moving forward. It does much more damage when we bottle it up because we thought as submissive wives we were just supposed to "take it" and our awesome HOH's were just going to magically figure it all out without discussion.....and if they couldn't do that, then he'd never be dominant enough, so you may as well give up. Grrrr. WRONG!!!

      Love and appreciate all the ideas and experiences you share with me here, Willie. And off the blog, too. Hugs, Windy




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  4. "So before we judge what someone likes to put in their butt, maybe we should remove the giant stick out of our own." Well, there goes the first mouthful of my nice hot coffee... Certainly agree with this statement!
    And I think Willie said the rest so well that I don't need to say another word - Now this is for the comment Willie left on the OTHER post - but I also agree with her here. I don't often disagree with Wise Willie.
    I'm feeling a little sorry for myself that hit the kill switch on my blog. I do so hate being left out of all the conversations and there's been a lot of great posts lately that have been making my thinking wheels turn.
    Now how on earth did I read THIS post, and then reply on the OTHER?
    And to answer your question, I deleted my blog myself because... Well, I made another and drop a sort of explanation there, minus all the ugly details.
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    1. Hi, Penelope! Welcome to this thread, too! LOL I do love a good spit-take!

      I'm sorry you've been left out....can we fix that? What is your new blog? I can put it in my blogroll and that will help us see it! Is that okay?

      Also, feel free to share where those good conversations are going on so we can jump in there as well ..... there seems to be more bloggers and readers still around than maybe we thought..... or that we all wanted to be around again, but struggling with ....well, probably some of those ugly details you're referring to, I dunno.

      But, I'm glad you're here now! Hugs, Windy

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    2. Windy, my blog is http://ballzofyarn.blogspot.com/ Don't expect much from me yet, I'm just getting started! I've been keeping up with everyone, but mostly not commenting and the only reason I've "been left out" is because I left myself out. Too busy feeling sorry for myself the last year.
      I've been trying to figure out how to add folks to my blog roll but have managed to forget how. I usually hit up Morningstar's blog and follow her links to some of my favorite blogs - like yours!

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    3. OKay! Thanks for the link! I hope you get things up and running how you want them to soon!

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  5. Hi Windy, your blog posts are really setting me thinking. I've said before why I struggled with the idea of being submissive. I held on for a long time to the idea that I was just interested in spanking, but I couldn't get away from the fact that reading about people submitting was a huge turn on. As were a number of other things like butt plugs, but I still get embarrassed about that! Finding myself in a relationship with someone who was dominant, rather than someone who was trying those things to please me, was a bit of an eye opener. Being submissive settled me, made me feel centred and were I belonged, in a way I could no longer deny. I'm definitely nothing but submissive in the bedroom. I would like to explore it in a wider way, but life has rather got in the way at present. We shall see. I get a bit frustrated that I can't seem to get to that centred part of me on my own, without the dominance.
    Alice x

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    1. Hi, Alice! I'm happy to hear you are finding material here that makes you think. I love when people join in the comment section and have conversations. It's normal for us to worry about feeling submissive ...... I cannot separate getting spanked from my submission although I can submit without a spanking. Laughing at myself because two years ago, I wouldn't have even understood what I just said there.

      It is embarrassing to me as well to talk about butt plugs and things other than spanking (it isn't always easy to talk about spanking either even though my blog contains a lot of it.)

      I bet that was an eye opener for you. Men can learn to be dominant through practice and learning to recognize their own needs, but it can be quite challenging. I don't tolerate visibly alpha men very well if they are overconfident ......lol....... interesting that I want Storm to be more dominant though, isn't it? I have learned that i it's a misconception that the man has to be naturally dominant in order to be a dom to a sub. Storm is learning and identifies with it more now and I love it. To think that we almost gave up because someone we used to know and love implied we should. Pffft. But, I am glad you have a dominant man whether it comes naturally or he has to work at it ........ these relationships take a lot of work no matter where we all fall along the spectrum. And it is especially hard when life gets in the way, as you said. Nothing takes me out of my submissive mindset than a family issue or illness, or whatever........

      As a submissive wife, I too, feel that calmness and centeredness of which you speak so fondly. It is a conundrum and frustrating that we struggle to find that on our own, but hey, at least we're finding it with the help of someone that cares for us? lol

      Love that you add some real depth here, Alice. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I appreciate the feedback as well. Keeps me going. Hugs, Windy

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