The game Truth or Dare was kind of a last resort on late summer nights, which was 10 bells for me, after playing as many rounds as possible of Flashlight Tag and Kick the Can. I never understood why those favorite games of mine had to be such a personal competition instead of just a physical one, but I had a couple of neighborhood friends who wanted to fight about the rules and who tagged whom, but you only touched my shirt, and then they'd stay mad for 2 days -- You know, kind of like a peri-menopausal submissive wife puts up walls after her dominant husband forgot to dominate a time or two (or she misperceived this), otherwise known as every other weekend (until you get into your D/s groove, that is, I am sure.) So it felt like Truth or Dare was a necessary evil during childhood because we had to have something to do in our open garages at night when it was raining outside.
Truth is that I didn't have many confessions. I didn't party or have younger brothers and sisters to tease with pranks that went a little too far and we weren't Catholic so when my older sister made me eat a mothball, she didn't have to confess it to a priest. We were Evangelical, so she could just go straight to Jesus. Jesus was forgiving, you could talk to Him all you wanted at any time day or night, He had no choice but to listen, it was free therapy, and your long distance phone bill was never charged. My mother, however,was not so quick to let us off the hook and we feared her wrath more than God's, although admittedly, we were not born and living in the Old Testament times when God used to just roar at people from heaven and set stuff on fire from space.
For me, the worst part of Truth or Dare was probably just admitting that I had a crush on someone, and in most cases, that is something I eventually wanted that person to know anyway to see if the feeling was mutual. So I mostly opted for dare which usually involved giving a boy a quick kiss or choosing the scariest house in the neighborhood in which to play Ding-Dong ditch. (resists BDSM pun here.) I was fast, so it wasn't truly a risk for me, and sometimes I felt bad for pranking the neighbors like that, but not enough to stop doing it.
Truth is I also wasn't sexually active nor was I ever sexually curious when it came to the intimacy between myself and my body. I thought that was only something guys did even though they weren't supposed to. I didn't even know I had a clitoris except for the fact that there was a mysterious something between my legs that sometimes made my leg kick out involuntarily when I would accidentally hit it on the bar of my pink Huffy girl's bicycle. Brrrtzz! What the heck was that? I am sure that the Church was glad that I did not know what it was and what it was for even though I'm sure now that some of them still don't know themselves. Sex was for marriage, no one was supposed to pleasure themselves, and that was that.
Truth is I never pleasured myself until after we were married. I was scared and I felt guilty and I told Storm. He just wanted to hear about it. He wasn't offended. He just wanted details.
Truth is when it comes to our power exchange relationship, I need to let him do it his way, even if it drives me up a wall. I am discovering that when I intentionally keep my unnecessary opinion to myself, he actually does just fine. Then I can save my input for when it truly matters, put it as a suggestion or a request to soften it, make it a question instead of a suggestion, and wrap it up with a respectful please. The truth is that feels much better. Sounds better to my own ears as well and I am still working on putting that kind of thing into practice.
Truth is....... I have a long way to go when it comes to being settled in my own submission to the point where I don't let a simple misunderstanding, or even bigger ones, disrupt what we're trying to build. I don't know why I find it so hurtful and although I'm not going to blame Menopause and not take the discipline that is coming my way, it is definitely playing a very challenging emotional role for me.
Truth is that this is hard.
Truth is that we might fail.
Truth is I have spent a lot of my life afraid of many things. Dare I step out and change some of that?
What a fabulous post! I enjoyed reading this . It's funny, I don't think I actually ever played Truth or Dare.
I love how you tied this to ttwd. I'm not sure we are ever truly settled in our submission.I think many of us regularly question it when perhaps we should simply accept that it works for us:)
Hi, Roz! Thank you! I don't think you've missed anything by not playing it, but I am boring, so you'd have to talk to someone riskier to get a better idea. lolDelete
"Settled into our submission".... oh, nice phrase! Love it! Yes, we do question things to death, don't we? It's so fascinating though when it goes right, we want to figure out the magical formula so we can keep repeating it!? Thanks, Roz! Hugs, Windy
I just realized that was my phrase, Roz. Sheesh...... menopause brain over here!Delete
I never played Truth or Dare - I was too much of a wimp and terrified that I might get caught doing anything I shouldn't. And I never had any interesting truths to tell. I was such a boring child. All I wanted to do was read and be left alone.ReplyDelete
"Truth is when it comes to our power exchange relationship, I need to let him do it his way, even if it drives me up a wall. I am discovering that when I intentionally keep my unnecessary opinion to myself, he actually does just fine." I'm still learning this. Sometimes I forget and shove my foot right into my mouth, but I'm getting better.
Hi, Penelope! Yeah, I was scared, too. I hear ya. Too bad we weren't friends, you could have encouraged me to read more when I was younger. It would have probably helped my anxiety. I discovered reading novels, etc. as an adult and have never looked back!Delete
We can keep learning together with this whole submission and keeping our mouths shut thing. I'm glad you're getting better. I get upset with myself afterwards...... why did I SAY that?!
Thanks, Penelope! Hugs, Windy
I liked all your truths, and could relate to most of them, despite not having a D/s dynamic.ReplyDelete
My husband is boss of all the finances and bills but my opinion comes into play on everything, athough I don't always say it right - much as you were implying. I come off bossy or critical when my words should be tabled as a suggestion to consider. Like you, I intend to work on that.
I loved your childhood reminiscences too - Kick the can was a favourite game for me too. We'd call Ding Dong Ditch "knock down ginger" and I told none of my friends to ever play it at my house in case it gave my grandmother a heart attack. They complied. Truth or dare I loved, although I had no secrets and was such a scaredy cat about dares ... but being scared is much of the thrill, no?
Hi, Posy! So wonderful to see you here!Delete
I am glad that your opinion is important to your husband. It's good you want to work on the bossy/critical thing. I'm with you!
Kick the Can was AWESOME, wasn't it?! Laughing! I have never heard of Knock Down Ginger.....hilarious. Poor Ginger?! She was sleeping when you rang her bell at night! lol Oh gosh, good thing you made Grandma off limits to your friends...... I'm not crazy about feeling scared... LOL Adrenaline? Yes. Fear, not so much. I must work on my Dare! Thanks so much for the conversation here, Posy! I hope to see you 'round the net! Hugs, Windy
I love how you have written the post, Windy. I smiled at some of those childhood memories of yours. I also admire how you think of your power exchange, your submission, and how you know you have to grow into it. I believe when the desire is there, you will manage. Your last line struck me hard, because like you, I have been afraid of many little things throughout my life, and I think I have missed out on much because of that. Yes, you dare to change that!ReplyDelete
~ Marie xox
Hello, Marie! Great to see you! It is nice to hear you liked this post.Delete
Thanks for the uplifting words regarding growing into my submission. What a lovely way to put it. I may use that one on Storm when I blow it sometime, "Hey, I'm grooooowing, Honey! Sorry I was impatient!" Laughing. The desire is there for sure. I think it's nice to have others to grow with while we're all at different stages and can encourage one another along the way. Otherwise it gets lonely.
You've been afraid in life, too? I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're able to catch up with positive, fun, and loving things you may have missed. I am working on my Dare, thank you, Marie! Hugs, Windy
My adolescence did not include the game Truth or Dare. I'm pretty daring with the truth though: I dare to tell it even when it's scary or is going to cause pain. People lie because it's easy. I tend to believe that Things Worth Doing are never easy.ReplyDelete
I think, perhaps, the "not easy" part of your own D/s journey -- the dare -- is in letting things unfold. Storm does things his way... Which may not be The Way Windy Thinks Storm Should Do Things.,*laugh*
Patience is a virtue, and all that jazz. ;)
Hi, Feve! Good for you being a truth teller. It's sometimes emotionally challenging for me to hear and tell, but I suppose so that's the way it goes. Good for you for being solid on this conviction. (don't mean that in religious terms.)Delete
Ah, yes..... "letting things unfold..." sounds kind of relaxing, actually. I need more of that in my brain. And you made me laugh regarding "The Way Windy Thinks....." hahahahaa You are one hundred percent right on that! Good thing Storm has that virtuous patience you speak of. Laughing. Oh, and I like using the phrase, "All that jazz," too. Thank you, Feve! Hugs, Windy
A great read as it just goes to show how different we all are. I am over 50 and my early boyfriends were very open and it meant I explored many things sexually before I was 21 - As I moved away from my early peer group I realised that most men were actually not so open or adventurous - and many of these guys thought my kinks were wrong...ReplyDelete
Hi, May! It's good we are all different. I need people with varied experience in my life to help loosen me up a little bit and maybe not see so much in just black and white? (Unless we're doing the monochromatic meme....:) ) I am still getting familiar with what your kinks are as I am visiting your blog and others and Medium. I keep getting you a little mixed up as far as that goes, but I will keep practicing (visiting and reading yours and others' writing pieces). ..I'm sorry guys thought you were wrong. That had to be frustrating and maybe confusing? Thanks so much for reading and for the dialogue! Hugs, WindyDelete