Truth or Dare - Reflection of Self

The game Truth or Dare was kind of a last resort on late summer nights, which was 10 bells for me, after playing as many rounds as possible of Flashlight Tag and Kick the Can. I never understood why those favorite games of mine had to be such a personal competition instead of just a physical one, but I had a couple of neighborhood friends who wanted to fight about the rules and who tagged whom, but you only touched my shirt, and then they'd stay mad for 2 days -- You know, kind of like a peri-menopausal submissive wife puts up walls after her dominant husband forgot to dominate a time or two (or she misperceived this), otherwise known as every other weekend (until you get into your D/s groove, that is, I am sure.)  So it felt like Truth or Dare was a necessary evil during childhood because we had to have something to do in our open garages at night when it was raining outside. 

Truth is that I didn't have many confessions. I didn't party or have younger brothers and sisters to tease with pranks that went a little too far and we weren't Catholic so when my older sister made me eat a mothball, she didn't have to confess it to a priest.  We were Evangelical, so she could just go straight to Jesus. Jesus was forgiving, you could talk to Him all you wanted at any time day or night, He had no choice but to listen, it was free therapy, and your long distance phone bill was never charged.  My mother, however,was not so quick to let us off the hook and we feared her wrath more than God's, although admittedly, we were not born and living in the Old Testament times when God used to just roar at people from heaven and set stuff on fire from space.  

For me, the worst  part of Truth or Dare was probably just admitting that I had a crush on someone, and in most cases, that is something I eventually wanted that person to know anyway to see if the feeling was mutual.  So I mostly opted for dare which usually involved giving a boy a quick kiss or choosing the scariest house in the neighborhood in which to play Ding-Dong ditch. (resists BDSM pun here.)   I was fast, so it wasn't truly a risk for me, and sometimes I felt bad for pranking the neighbors like that, but not enough to stop doing it.

Truth is I also wasn't sexually active nor was I ever sexually curious when it came to the intimacy between myself and my body.  I thought that was only something guys did even though they weren't supposed to.  I didn't even know I had a clitoris except for the fact that there was a mysterious something between my legs that sometimes made my leg kick out involuntarily when I would accidentally hit it on the bar of my pink Huffy girl's bicycle. Brrrtzz!  What the heck was that?   I am sure that the Church was glad that I did not know what it was and what it was for even though I'm sure now that some of them still don't know themselves.  Sex was for marriage, no one was supposed to pleasure themselves, and that was that.  

Truth is I never pleasured myself until after we were married.  I was scared and I felt guilty and I told Storm.  He just wanted to hear about it.  He wasn't offended. He just wanted details.  

Truth is when it comes to our power exchange relationship, I need to let him do it his way, even if it drives me up a wall. I am discovering that when I intentionally keep my unnecessary opinion to myself, he actually does just fine.  Then I can save my input for when it truly matters, put it as a suggestion or a request to soften it, make it a question instead of a suggestion, and wrap it up with a respectful please.  The truth is that feels much better.  Sounds better to my own ears as well and I am still working on putting that kind of thing into practice. 

Truth is....... I have a long way to go when it comes to being settled in my own submission to the point where I don't let a simple misunderstanding, or even bigger ones, disrupt what we're trying to build.  I don't know why I find it so hurtful and although I'm not going to blame Menopause and not take the discipline that is coming my way, it is definitely playing a very challenging emotional role for me. 

Truth is that this is hard. 

Truth is that we might fail. 

Truth is I have spent a lot of my life afraid of many things.  Dare I step out and change some of that?